作词 : Hargrove, Jordan, Shaw These are the tales These are the tales that I tell so well(Tune in to the History Channel) These are the tales(Learn a lesson biatch) These are the tales that I tell so well(Short Dog) I'm thinkin' way back, it's been a long, long time In 1980 I wrote my first rhyme I like to spit a lot of game But back then, I was just sayin' my name I had a record player on my stereo Got down on my knees with my radio From Oakland, California with some new shit I'm Sir Too Short, I'm bout to do this In 1981, that's where it all begun We do it for the money, we don't rap for fun Five dolla's fo' a tape, Too Short and Freddy BMoney in my pocket's all I ever need It was me, Fred B and Freddy Brack Dipped the sermon sticks then we smoked them phat While we rapped about the bitches and all the ho's Can't be in the hole tryin' to ball without vogues In '82 you was in the game With a Falcon, Cougar or a MustangMe and Freddy B used to hit the turfs With a bag of tapes puttin' in work, biatch In '83 you hit a house party A dolla' get you in and a dolla' fo' a drink I'm on the turntable smokin' get-right And at mid-night I'll be rappin' on the mic I did the same thang, for the next two years That's why they say my name, when I come through here When I was Sixteen, I want'd to be a mack I went to Fremont High with Lil' D and BlackYoung ballers in the town livin' real phat Never had the sack but I smoked a little crack Crushed up in the weed, we call 'em bass rock CaddiesGoin' on them grimmies make them ho's call me daddy These are the tales These are the tales that I tell so well These are the tales These are the tales that I tell so well It's been fifteen years since that shit happened But Too Short don't stop rappin' In '85, I was on the right page Ten thousand niggaz, Short live on stage Underground tapes was all they ever heard But the whole crowd sang along with me word for word And that changed everything Went to Seventy Five Girls and hooked up with DeanReal player-ism and that's no joke Snort a lot of coke with ho's that like to smoke I was makin' records but wasn't makin' money You can take it seriously or you can think it's funny By '87, I was on my own, started Dangerous MusicAnd I made the song "These are the tales, the freaky tales" No radio or video or CD salesSix platinums in a row, Ice Cube and Cool JWho else did that shit? Short Dog from the BayThese ho's try to play it safe But I been mackin' hard since eighty-eight And from eighty-nine to ninety-six I was rappin' on the mic talkin' shit about a bitch I'll retire ten times and I'll still be here My old records sell about a half a mil' a year I say "Bitch get naked" so pimpishly Spit rhymes through decades and centuries And bitches just love my dirty mouth When I see you again I'ma cuss you out, biatch! That's my gift, now all you rappers get to say that shit I wont sue you, but that's the trademark I was a grown ass man when you was playin' in the park lil' nigga These are the tales These are the tales that I tell so well These are the tales These are the tales that I tell so well Now I'm in Atlanta I still love the OI gave you my bitch but you can't have my flow I guest appeared on 47 albums Fuck McDonald and fuck CalvinI get money with Erick Sermon when I'm in New YorkI get respect, they call me Too ShortI live swell in ATL, 'cause I'm a player We fuckin' hella ho's at X House in Decatur where it's greater You know how we ride I got love for all niggaz from the EastSideIt was me, Ant Banks and Shorty BAll we need to do is find my nigga PeeWeeWe used to be on Murdel Street makin' funky songs If you see him tell him Short said it's back on Let's get this money, midwest down SouthEast coast, West coast ride out, biatch These are the tales(That's my gift to rap) These are the tales that I tell so well(You can have that word, say bitch all you want) These are the tales(All you regular fake ass niggas) These are the tales that I tell so well(You finally get to have Too Short's bitch, trick)