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[00:00.00] 作曲 : Hodgson, Smith
[00:03.16]I still like to think he was smiling.
[00:05.30]Even though I couldn't be there to see it, I hope he understood that we were laughing with him, not at him.
[00:10.06]That there was a fondness amongst us all. He wasn't the joke, he wasn't the monkey in the corner to entertain and dance.
[00:16.97]He was one of us. And I know this wasn't like the time he played tennis without a shirt on.
[00:21.58]And I understand that it wasn't like when he tried to sniff the metal in the middle of his ring binder and the pincers closed on his nose.
[00:28.49]It wasn't even a misheard line retold for the next 10 years or the annoying songs he used to come up with.
[00:34.72]It was meant well. It was meant as I intended.
[00:44.18]And when I'm standing in supermarket aisles, trying to see what's free in what cereal this week or what sauce isn't the spicy one I'm not keen on,
[00:51.69]the image drifts across my mind. But there's something missing.
[00:55.79]I can see him standing by his moped in the front garden, school bag open to pull out his high visibility jacket.
[01:02.15]And I see him pause slightly when he realises that that there is something under the plastic that should have read "AMBULANCE" on the back.
[01:09.61]And there, in crude, biro letters (my crude, biro letters) is the phrase "BIG TREV".
[01:25.62]But when I see it there is no face. Not no smile or sneer or scowl, but no face at all. Just blackness. Just nothing.
[01:35.51]And when I try to imagine it, to force it through with my will, I can't even remember what it should look like.
[01:41.43]And no matter how many times I tell myself that he was fine, that we was laughing and he was fine, what I really believe is only the black hole where the face should be.