I went to a doctor with a pain in my head 
He said: "Tumor boy! Six months you're dead, It's gonna be slow and painful It ain't gonna be no fun" 
So I went home and decided 
I'll end it now my life's done 
Game Over, end of the ride 
It's suicide!!! 
So I took out a shotgun, 
I put it in my mouth 
I put it in too far, 
I gagged then ralphed 
I jumped in front of a truck 
I missed and only felt a breeze 
Then I tried a bus, the driver stopped and said: "Exact change, please!!!" 
I survived, was still alive! 
I dropped a toaster in the tub with me 
It did wonders for my hair 
Was gonna drive myself right off a cliff 
Got lost on my way there 
I took a jar of sleeping pills 
But all I did was snooze 
I can't do nothing right 
I got the 
Dead Man Blues! 
Can't get it right 
I'm feeling so uptight 
I can't die 
I gotta wonder why 
I try and try and try but 
I can't die 
I've got the 
Dead Man Blues '
Cause even if 
I win I lose 
I threw a rope around the rafters 
Around my neck, stood on a chair 
The phone rings, my machine picks up 
And guess who's there? 
It's a message from my doctor 
And he says: "Hey lucky break! It was just a dirt on the X-ray Whoops! I made a mistake!" 
And then I slipped off the chair 
And I was hanging there: 
I've got the 
Dead Man Blues '
Cause even if 
I win I lose 
The Dead Man 
Blues