[ti:]
[ar:]
[al:]
[00:00.31]Do you worry that nobody likes you?
[00:03.60]We'll provide you with friends.
[00:05.72]Kifflom. I'm the honorable Chris Formage.
[00:09.39]Covet your neighbor's ass no longer.
[00:12.35]The Epsilon Program seeks out
[00:14.15]the convenient bits from every faith to create
[00:16.79]a religion that is uniquely American:
[00:19.50]expensive, promiscuous, and entirely meaningless.
[00:24.07]And unlike other major religions,
[00:25.97]we only tithe 8.75 percent.
[00:28.79]That means less for God, and more for you.
[00:31.78]All you have to do is
[00:33.10]read and understand the Epsilon Tract,
[00:35.32]and the secrets of the Universe
[00:37.03]will be open to you.
[00:38.60]Just call 1-866-FUN-CULT.