PERCY:
Peacocks!
PRINCE OF WALES:
Sink me!
PERCY:
Think ye, sir, how those feathered boys love to flaunt their tails!
Stallions!
PRINCE:
Zounds, sir!
PERCY:
Hounds, sir! Stags!
Of the goosie and the gander, sir,
which gender is the grander, sir?
To render total candor, sir,
the splendor is the male's!
PRINCE, spoken:
What? A man's duty is to wield the sword!
Defend the cave, what?
PERCY, spoken:
Gad, no, Highness! A man's duty is to uphold the banner of beauty!
And you, as prince of our land, must lead the way!
PERCY:
Be an example to your sex.
MEN:
Give your boot a dapper strap,
MAN:
and it's smarter if your garter has some snap.
PERCY:
Cravats should be flounced about our necks.
MAN:
Let the royal coattails flap!
MAN:
Be bewitching with some stitching on your cap!
MEN:
Now drape you cape and puff your cuff!
Embroider those lapels!
PERCY:
Be the king of the beasts in pastels!
La, but someone has to strike a pose
and bear the weight of well-tailored clothes,
and that is why the Lord created men!
PRINCE, spoken:
You're a nincompoop, Blakeney!
PERCY, spoken:
Thank you, sir!
PRINCE, spoken:
Always said you were! Always said, "Leave the fancy dress to the women!"
Let me be a Roman, don a tunic! Bare the legs, eh what?
PERCY, spoken:
Sink me, the man's lost his senses! Bare legs!
PERCY:
Strut, sir!
PRINCE:
What, sir?
PERCY:
Roosters do.
Give a cock his comb and the hens will pale.
Bucks, bulls!
More, sir!
MEN and PERCY:
Boars, sir!
PERCY:
Rams!
Of the nanny-goat and billy, sir,
whose beard is fully woolly, sir?
It's bully for the billy
for he's willy-nilly male!
PRINCE, spoken:
Well, the male animal is dashing, of course. Robin redbreast! Moose with antlers!
PERCY:
Sir! Be a lion-hearted prig!
Fill those pantaloons with light!
PRINCE:
I could dangle down a spangle ... out of sight.
PERCY:
Oh, yes! Be bold!
MAN:
When it's cold, slap on that wig.
MEN:
Draw your breeches in quite tight -
PERCY:
Even more so and your torso will ignite!
MAN:
Now smock your frock!
MAN:
Perfume your plume!
PRINCE:
I'll let my waistcoat swing!
MEN:
And the jungle will bow to its king!
La, but someone has to strike a pose
and bear the weight of well-tailored clothes!
PRINCE:
And that is why the Lord created men!
PRINCE, spoken:
Now, it's strange. There's nothing about it in the book of Genesis.
PERCY, spoken:
Genesis? Ah, but think, sir!
PERCY:
Adam was a gentleman in Eden.
Though his body was admired,
you will grant the adding of a fig leaf
was inspired!
PRINCE:
Oh, a fig leaf - just the job!
PERCY:
If you're out to make a splash, cheri,
do know your haberdashery!
MEN:
Buttons, buckles, ruffles, and lace
PERCY:
represent the human race!
MEN:
La, but someone has to strike a pose
and bear the weight of well-tailored clothes!
Each species needs a sex that's fated
to be highly decorated!
That is why the Lord created men!