Well I thought about the army
Dad said, "Son you're ****in' high"
And I thought, yeah there's a first for everything
So I took my old man's advice
Three sad semesters
It was only 15 grand spent in bed
I thought about the army
I dropped out and joined a band instead
Grew a mustache and a mullet
Got a job at 
Chick-Fil-
ACiting artistic differences
The band broke up in 
MayAnd in 
June reformed without me
And they'd got a different name
I nuked another grandma's apple pie
And hung my head in shame, oh
I've been thinkin' a lot today
I've been thinkin' a lot today
Oh, I think 
I'll write a screenplay
Oh, I think 
I'll take it to 
L AOh, I think 
I'll get it done yesterday, ah, shit
In this time of introspection
On the eve of my election
I say to my reflection
God please spare me more rejection'
Cause my peers they criticize me
And my ex-wives all despise me
Try to put it all behind me
But my redneck past is nipping at my heels
I've been thinking a lot today
I've been thinking a lot today
I've been thinking a lot today
I thought about the army