[00:00.20]What happens in Dave's house stays in Dave's house
[00:02.75]What happens in Dave's house stays with me
[00:05.22]What happens in Dave's house stays in Dave's house
[00:07.67]And if you tell your friends, they won't believe
[00:10.20]What happens in Dave's house stays in Dave's house
[00:12.34]What happens in Dave's house stays unknown
[00:14.81]What happens in Dave's house stays in Dave's house
[00:17.11]So now we have a place that we can go
[00:19.33]You can do it in a closet
[00:20.74]But I'm not sure that's the best place
[00:22.54]See, you can't lock the doors
[00:24.19]So maybe try and do it
[00:25.22]When your girlfriend's sleeping
[00:26.73]Make sure she can't hear you creeping
[00:28.88]Instead build a shed
[00:29.90]To facilitate the act
[00:31.38]But if someone sees you
[00:32.53]You might as well pack your
[00:33.66]Bags and leave the country
[00:35.33]Run free like a squirrel in an oak tree
[00:37.57]Slowly your appalling technique will improve
[00:40.00]You'll have to move to a new spot
[00:41.80]Where not a soul intrudes
[00:43.00]Like a bank vault, all you'd need is the keys
[00:45.28]But if a bank robber caught you
[00:46.56]He'd call the police
[00:48.00]And then what, back to the closet?
[00:49.83]No, there must be some sick hole we can go
[00:52.44]And do what we do in God's sweet peace
[00:54.80]And on a Friday have a coffee and talk about the week
[00:57.38]In the meantime you'll have to settle
[00:58.88]For disused petrol stations
[00:59.97]Nature reserves and grandma's basement
[01:02.22]Many blatant signs of nefarious areas
[01:04.50]If you do see a human being
[01:05.87]Go somewhere scarier
[01:07.27]I tried it in a hospital one time
[01:09.60]But like a fool I forgot that they're open all the time
[01:11.56]You could travel to a dead relative's old place
[01:13.73]And if they really are dead
[01:14.88]They'll let you stay a couple days
[01:16.53]After you do it, don't stay put
[01:18.98]Go to the last place people will look for you
[01:21.39]And also don't forget that alibis are important too
[01:23.79]Somebody you trust, never somebody new
[01:26.35]This is the life and there is no solution
[01:28.60]Until somebody forms us and institution
[01:30.71]Where the me's and the you's and the everybodys
[01:33.90]Can go do this shit without having to worry
[01:35.59]What happens in Dave's house stays in Dave's house
[01:38.17]What happens in Dave's house stays with me
[01:40.54]What happens in Dave's house stays in Dave's house
[01:42.85]And if you tell your friends, they won't believe
[01:45.26]What happens in Dave's house stays in Dave's house
[01:47.62]What happens in Dave's house stays unknown
[01:50.14]What happens in Dave's house stays in Dave's house
[01:52.41]So now we have a place that we can go
[02:13.61]Well you love her
[02:14.48]Been relationshipping for a year
[02:16.17]And you're never gonna cheat
[02:17.13]So have no fear my love, it's okay
[02:19.78]I know you had a dream that he was cheating on you
[02:21.67]Don't cry, but please scream
[02:23.50]And a Friday gives you a bronze idea
[02:25.70]To go and see Dave for a chat and a beer
[02:27.74]But oh dear, who's here but that girl you imagined
[02:30.17]When you're shaking up yourself to Jasmine and Aladdin fantasies
[02:33.38]You're rubbing, and the lamp's gonna thank you
[02:35.13]By showing you the genie, man
[02:36.15]But you forgot the tissue
[02:37.53]Anyway Brixham, I mean Dave's town
[02:40.10]Dave, the king pimp, seems to have called you a girl down
[02:42.34]And you love your man Dave
[02:43.50]The beer was free and splendid
[02:44.56]But you kept it pretty distant that you're happily girlfriended
[02:47.14]You try and squeeze it in before the inevitable
[02:48.97]Puts his hand on your balls
[02:50.11]And dips some in some hot sauce
[02:51.26]And then orders you a six course meal of unnecessary heart ache
[02:54.28]Too late you already pinched her ass
[02:55.30]And told her that she looks great
[02:57.20]You look at Dave one last time
[02:57.85]And flash at him those eyebrows
[02:59.30]The eyebrows that you save
[02:59.81]For when you're in need of a way out
[03:01.35]Before you know it you're naked
[03:02.29]In the proverbial deep-end
[03:03.75]She likes you numb nuts
[03:04.68]But you forgot about your girlfriend
[03:06.21]Probably sitting at home thinking about you right now
[03:08.32]Quick say you need a pee and just take five minutes out
[03:10.70]You need to call her, to drunk to dial
[03:12.10]A trial but you make it
[03:12.93]Ring ring, no answer
[03:13.75]You're screwed man , it's way too late
[03:15.34]It's comes down to a choice that you've already made
[03:17.74]Cause you're a slave to the power of the red dressed dame
[03:20.45]You need Dave's help, but he's done done enough
[03:22.58]See this was no coincidence
[03:23.81]Dave set this up
[03:25.23]You're angry and you're happy
[03:26.16]And you don't know what to say
[03:27.37]Dave whispers in your ear
[03:28.52]"You can use my place"
[03:32.30]What happens in Dave's house stays in Dave's house
[03:34.58]What happens in Dave's house stays with me
[03:37.70]What happens in Dave's house stays in Dave's house
[03:39.38]And if you tell your friends, they won't believe
[03:41.81]What happens in Dave's house stays in Dave's house
[03:44.11]What happens in Dave's house stays unknown
[03:46.55]What happens in Dave's house stays in Dave's house
[03:48.91]So now we have a place that we can go