[00:00.09]Where's The Handle -Dane Cook
[00:02.28]I gotta tell you this, 'cause I always wanted to share
[00:05.52]This with a crowd.
[00:06.75]This is a story, it's a coming of age tale.
[00:10.89]And it's about the first time I ever got head.
[00:18.51]Come on along with me.
[00:21.87]I'll never forget this, I was 17 years old.
[00:24.27]And I took this girl out on a date, I took her to
[00:27.78]Papagenoo's. And I got her the spaghetti basket.
[00:36.75]It's delicious.
[00:43.11]And so, at the very end of the date, drove her home,
[00:46.50]And we're sitting in front of her house and it's that
[00:48.63]Awkward moment, you know, when you wanna kiss but
[00:50.85]You're still so shy. And you end up talking for 4 and a
[00:53.91]Half f*****g hours.
[00:59.97]So finally, she leaned in, she was like "Well, anyway,
[01:03.09]I should probably go 'cause it's dusk. "
[01:06.72]And I said, "Yeah, I guess I should go to."We both
[01:09.24]Leaned in and we *peck noise*kissed. And then out of
[01:12.03]Nowhere, I didn't even expect it. She went "awww".
[01:17.82]And so very quickly I ripped off my jeans Like I was in
[01:21.18]The nba, and I put my seat back. And she started to
[01:28.32]Give me the bocoik, you know. It was fantastic and it
[01:34.77]Felt so good, and suddenly started feeling tingles and
[01:38.61]Jingles... Like I was about to bocoik, you know what
[01:42.81]I'm saying?
[01:44.58]The law is we have to tell you. Right ladies?We have
[01:47.46]To let you know, we want to tell you. But we don't, at
[01:52.20]The same time. So I wan't to tell her, but I tell the
[03:10.77]Seatbelt instead...