[00:00.57]Remember the little ditties we used to sing together when I was a child,
[00:05.49]Well here's a new one.
[00:09.73]Some little piggies go to market.
[00:12.46]Some little piggies stay at home.
[00:15.52]Some little piggies eat roast beef.
[00:17.90](Roast beef)
[00:18.82]Whilst other little piggies have none.
[00:22.69]But there's a little piggy that I'm telling you about.
[00:26.39]It's a secret little piggy,
[00:29.58]Don't let anyone find out.
[00:35.20]There's a pig,
[00:36.02]In the house,
[00:36.94](In the house)
[00:37.86]Here with us.
[00:39.09]There's a pig,
[00:39.96]In the house,
[00:41.07]But we don't want any fuss.
[00:43.12]With a pig,
[00:44.09]In the house,
[00:45.05]Best we keep it to ourselves.
[00:47.08]It's important you remember in case anybody delves.
[00:51.21]There's no pig,
[00:52.05](But I thought you-)
[00:52.49]In the house,
[00:53.25](-you said)
[00:53.54]If you think about it thus.
[00:55.24]There's no pig,
[00:56.47]In the house,
[00:57.39]If there's anyone but us.
[00:59.43]There's no pig in the house,
[01:01.46]There's just Gilbert, Joyce and you,
[01:04.60]But when no one else is looking,
[01:06.57]There's a little piggy too.
[01:10.00]Pig.
[01:10.69]No pig.
[01:11.66]Pig.
[01:12.61]No pig.
[01:13.04]You think I've gone loopy-loo.
[01:16.68]Pig.
[01:17.74]No pig.
[01:18.45]Pig.
[01:19.11]No pig.
[01:20.03]I know what you're trying to do.
[01:23.78]Fill my head with nonsense,
[01:25.41]Then say I've gone berserk.
[01:26.93]Lock me in the nut-house,
[01:28.62]Well that's never gonna work!
[01:30.26]There's no way you are shutting me inside a loony-bin,
[01:33.76]No not by the hairs,
[01:36.49]On my chinny chin chin.
[01:39.53]You wanna put me away,
[01:40.30]Don't you.
[01:40.68]No one wants to put you away.
[01:42.15]Well actually I wouldn't mind-
[01:43.37]Gilbert!
[01:44.04]Doctor Swaby put Mrs Beavers away when she
[01:45.92]Didn't know her times tables or who the PM was.
[01:49.15]This isn't like Mrs Beavers, love.
[01:50.68]We're just trying to tell you,
[01:51.30]There's a pig so in case you see it you know you're not going bananas.
[01:54.73](Oh she is going bananas!)
[01:55.46]I could eat a banana
[01:56.85]There are no bananas!
[01:58.71]There's a pig,
[01:59.17](There's a pig),
[01:59.58]In the house,
[01:59.94](In the house),
[02:00.44]It is under our roof!
[02:02.03](In the house!)
[02:02.64]There's a pig,
[02:03.15](There's a pig),
[02:03.55]In the house,
[02:03.96](In the house),
[02:04.43]Take a sniff and there's your proof!
[02:06.16]There's a pig,
[02:06.99](There's a pig),
[02:07.49]In the house,
[02:08.01](In the house),
[02:08.47]That we must not give away,
[02:10.31]So if anyone should visit,
[02:12.13]It's important that you say:
[02:14.38]There's no pig,
[02:14.89](No pig!),
[02:15.36]In the house,
[02:15.89](In the house),
[02:16.69]In case anyone complains.
[02:18.12]There's no pig,
[02:18.93](No pig!)
[02:19.54]In the house,
[02:20.10](In the house),
[02:20.70]It's a problem with the drains.
[02:22.08]There's no pig,
[02:23.50]In the house,
[02:24.23]There's just Gilbert, Joyce and you.
[02:26.16](There's just me and both of you!)
[02:27.54]But when no one else is looking,
[02:29.19]There's a little piggy too!
[02:31.27]There now! Isn't that simple.
[02:32.96](Yeah!)
[02:33.65]Now,let's supposing that nosey Mrs Tilbrook was to come round again,
[02:38.00]What do we say?
[02:40.48]Pig!
[02:41.17]No pig!
[02:42.37]Pig!
[02:43.00]No pig!
[02:44.25]Can it do me any harm?
[02:46.34](No mother no!)
[02:47.70]Pig!
[02:48.00]No pig!
[02:49.00]Pig!
[02:50.20]No pig!
[02:51.00]Shouldn't it be on a farm?
[02:54.38]Can't be that hygienic,
[02:55.89]There's diseases you can get.
[02:57.68]What's wrong with a budgie,
[02:59.21]Or a little furry pet?
[03:01.04]It won't be stopping long so I've been promised by my spouse,
[03:04.30]So let's just pretend,
[03:07.00]There's no pig in our house.
[03:10.38]There's no pig in our house.
[03:13.75]There's no pig in our house.
[03:15.27]There! I believe we are all of one mind.
[03:17.16]Yeah, Bonkers!
[03:18.36]Now,show her the creature.
[03:25.00]There's no pig,
[03:26.34]In the house!
[03:27.22]She's escaped from her sty.
[03:29.10]There's no pig,
[03:29.81]In the house!
[03:30.83]Well they say that pigs might fly.
[03:33.10]She can't just escape,
[03:34.74]She'll be dirtying my floor.
[03:36.96](Ding, dong)
[03:38.20]And of course with perfect timing,
[03:39.77]Now there's someone at the door.
[03:41.57]Who is it?
[03:42.24]Oh it's Veronica Allardyce,
[03:43.46]It's time for her lesson.
[03:44.70]Send her away!
[03:45.46]That might arouse suspicion,
[03:46.93]I'll see to Veronica,
[03:47.64]You see to that pig.
[03:50.60]Good morning Veronica!
[03:54.00]There's a pig in this house,
[03:55.34]In this house here with us.
[03:56.35]There's a pig in this house,
[03:57.27]But we don't want any fuss.
[03:58.19]With a pig in this house,
[03:59.21]Best we keep it to ourselves.
[04:00.07]It's important you remember in case anybody delves.
[04:02.52]That's lovely mother.
[04:04.37]Ours is a very musical family.
[04:07.09]We sing all the time.
[04:09.00]Your house smells!
[04:10.42]Our house doesn't smell!
[04:12.77]My mother says poor people's houses smell.
[04:15.45]Your mother is a font of wisdom and compassion.
[04:17.41]Ow my coat!
[04:18.68]Best to leave it on,
[04:19.21]Poor people's houses are also cold.
[04:20.89]Now, play.
[04:22.82](I can't find her!)
[04:23.55]Play!
[04:28.19]Found the pig!
[04:29.29]In the house
[04:30.07]She's in there,
[04:30.98]In the loo.
[04:31.91]Very good,
[04:33.07]Here's a knife.
[04:33.94]Go and do what you must do!
[04:36.02]Dicekal Veronica,
[04:37.08]Next forte love.
[04:38.66]And we'll have ham,
[04:39.89]We'll have chops,
[04:40.75]We'll have tripe and so much more!
[04:44.11](Ding, dong. Ding, dong)
[04:46.24]And again with perfect timing,
[04:47.20]Someone else is at the door.
[04:49.64]Oh, Gestapo!
[04:51.10]Gestapo, minister of meat!
[04:52.84]What's he doing here?
[04:53.88]Pig!
[04:54.10]No Pig!
[04:55.50]Pig!
[04:56.00]No Pig!
[04:57.00]Is it Doctor Swaby come to take me away?
[04:59.12](No it's not you they'll be taking away!)
[05:00.71]Pig!
[05:01.24]No Pig!
[05:02.08](Oh shut up!)
[05:02.37]Pig!
[05:02.89]No Pig!
[05:03.70]It's no good mother,
[05:04.29]We have no choice but to answer it!
[05:07.60]Mr Wormold.
[05:08.00]I have an appointment.
[05:09.00]Please come in,
[05:10.00]This is my, err, wife and her mother.
[05:14.11]There's no pig in this house,
[05:15.21]If you think about it thus.
[05:16.42]There's no pig in this house,
[05:17.35]If there's anyone but us.
[05:18.25]There's no pig in this house,
[05:19.33]Just me and all of you.
[05:20.34]But when no one else is looking,
[05:21.46](But there is somebody looking!)
[05:22.62]But when no one else is looking,
[05:23.38]There's a little piggy too!
[05:24.62]Oh that's lovely mother dear.
[05:26.44]Now.
[05:27.00]It's time for your nap.
[05:28.39]Veronica love,
[05:29.22]Where are you going?
[05:30.18]To the toilet.
[05:31.35]No!
[05:33.11]A pig!
[05:34.18]No pig.
[05:35.71]Pig,
[05:36.05]No pig.
[05:36.92]They think I've gone loopy loo.
[05:40.00](There's a pig!)
[05:40.65]Pig,
[05:41.58]No pig.
[05:42.61]Pig,
[05:43.15]No pig.
[05:44.27]I know what they're trying to do.
[05:48.50]A pig in the house,
[05:50.20]What an absurd notion,
[05:51.69]The very idea.
[05:52.52]That's enough practice today dear.
[05:55.03]And don't think I won't report this incident to your mother,as I'm sure she's already told you!
[05:59.00]Only poor people lie.
[06:01.00]Children!
[06:03.34]They have such overactive imaginations!
[06:05.60]I'm sorry about your foot Mr Wormold,
[06:07.34]I promise to be more careful with the other one.
[06:09.04]Oh that won't be necessary!
[06:11.32]Magic fingers indeed!
[06:14.00]There's a pig,
[06:15.52]In the house.
[06:16.29]But it isn't going to stay!
[06:18.33]There's a pig,
[06:19.13]In the house.
[06:20.15]That you have to put away!
[06:22.24]Pig,
[06:22.75]No pig.
[06:24.00]There's a pig in the house.
[06:25.78]There's a pig in the house.
[06:27.51]There's a pig in the house,
[06:29.30]Leaving chaos in it's way!
[06:33.00]I thought by now you might have learned.
[06:35.00]I think that rotten smells returned.
[06:36.60]Because as far as I'm concerned,
[06:38.79]I've had as much as I can take!