[00:00.000] 作曲 : Joe Iconis
[00:30.341][THE SQUIP, spoken] You see, human social activity is governed by rules.
[00:03.827]And I have the processing capacity to understand those rules. And pass them on to you
[00:09.495](sung) C-c-c-c-c-cmon, Jeremy, can't you see?
[00:15.686]Your operating system is outdated
[00:20.153]Come on, boo, you know that you
[00:24.516]Make everyone around you nauseated
[00:29.192]Hey, I've arrived now, this is not a drill
[00:33.319]Bae, I've arrived, wow!
[00:35.905]Won't be long until
[00:37.577]You wi-i-i-i-i-i-ill
[00:41.522]Be more chill
[00:45.388][JEREMY, faintly] Wow
[00:46.302][THE SQUIP] Take your hands out of your pockets
[00:48.940]Arch your back, puff out your chest
[00:53.381]Add some swagger to your gait or
[00:57.613]You'll look like a mas-tur-ba-tor
[00:59.442]Fix your posture, then the rest
[01:01.296][JEREMY, spoken]Oh, but I am a masturbator
[01:02.864][THE SQUIP, spoken] We'll fix that
[01:05.058](sung) All your nerdiness is ugly
[01:06.991][JEREMY, spoken]I thought I was more of a geek?
[01:08.715][THE SQUIP]All your stammering's a chore
[01:10.544][JEREMY, spoken]Wha-stammer- no, I don't stammer, you know what I--
[01:13.417][THE SQUIP]Your tics and fidgets are persistent
[01:14.854]And your charm is non-existent
[01:17.205]Fix your vibe, then fix some more
[01:20.940][THE SQUIP]Bu--
[01:21.123][JEREMY]Ah-
[01:21.384][THE SQUIP]Buh
[01:21.593][JEREMY]Oh-
[01:21.828][THE SQUIP]No
[01:22.064][JEREMY]Ah?
[01:22.351][THE SQUIP]Stop
[01:22.586][JEREMY]Oh!
[01:22.978][THE SQUIP]Oh, everything about you is so terrible
[01:28.124][JEREMY]...terrible?
[01:29.326][THE SQUIP] Terrible!
[01:30.423][JEREMY] Oh...
[01:31.494][The SQUIP] Whoa, everything about you makes me wanna die
[01:36.823][JEREMY] (heavy breathing)
[01:37.868][THE SQUIP] So don't freak out
[01:41.812]And don't resist
[01:44.006]And have no doubt
[01:45.887]If I assist
[01:47.794]You wi-i-i-i-i-i-ill
[01:51.504]Be more chill
[01:54.273](spoken) Now, the first thing you need to change is your shirt. Buy that one!
[01:57.877][JEREMY, spoken] It says Eminem...
[01:59.027][THE SQUIP, spoken] If you鈥檙e so astute, what do you need me for?
[02:01.456][JEREMY, spoken] Do people still listen to Eminem?
[02:03.050][THE SQUIP, spoken] Irrelevant. My quantum structure enables me to envision possible futures. I envision a future in which you wear an Eminem shirt and things turn out well
[02:13.760](sung) Oh, everything about you is so terrible
[02:19.011][PEOPLE IN THE MALL] Everything about you sucks!
[02:20.082]Everything about you sucks!
[02:22.302][THE SQUIP] Whoa, everything about you makes me wanna die
[02:27.030][PEOPLE IN THE MALL] Everything about you sucks!
[02:28.519]Everything about you sucks!
[02:30.452][THE SQUIP & PEOPLE IN THE MALL] All the people in the mall
[02:34.344][THE SQUIP] Think you are such a slob
[02:35.755][PEOPLE IN THE MALL] You're a slob!
[02:36.826]Terrible!
[02:38.002]Such a slob!
[02:39.151][THE SQUIP & PEOPLE IN THE MALL] And boy
[02:41.842][THE SQUIP] Can I see why!
[02:44.506](spoken) Now you, try picking a shirt
[02:46.700]That's a girl's shirt
[02:48.059][CHLOE, spoken] ...Jerry?
[02:49.104][JEREMY, spoken] Jerry-me
[02:50.253][THE SQUIP, spoken] Greet the beta
[02:51.481][JEREMY, spoken] The be- oh. Hi, Brooke
[02:53.309][THE SQUIP, spoken] "You look sexy."
[02:54.485][JEREMY, spoken] I can't say that to a hot girl! Aaah!
[02:56.183][THE SQUIP, spoken] Don't smile. Stare intensely. Speak like you don't care about your own death
[03:00.075][JEREMY, spoken] Looking... pretty... sexy, Broo-ke!
[03:04.986][BROOKE, spoken] Thanks
[03:06.214][CHLOE, spoken] Is that a girl's shirt?
[03:07.703][JEREMY, spoken] No
[03:08.539][THE SQUIP, spoken] "Yes."
[03:09.166][JEREMY, spoken] Yes
[03:09.714][THE SQUIP, spoken & JEREMY, overlapping] Repeat after me:
[03:09.714](sung) I saw it in the window
[03:11.935]I saw it in the window
[03:14.756]And I couldn't dismiss
[03:15.827]And I couldn't dismiss
[03:18.883]I was dating a girl
[03:20.477]I was dating a girl
[03:21.652]And she had a shirt just like this
[03:23.428]And she had a shirt just like this, haha!
[03:26.093][THE SQUIP] It's still painful
[03:28.575][JEREMY] It's still painful
[03:33.512][CHLOE, spoken] So, who was this mystery girl?
[03:36.594][JEREMY, spoken] Oh, you've probably never heard of-
[03:38.188][THE SQUIP] Madeline
[03:41.375][JEREMY] Madeline
[03:43.203][CHLOE, spoken] What?
[03:44.091][JEREMY] She's French
[03:47.409][CHLOE, spoken] She is NOT French! She just pretends to be for attention!
[03:53.077][BROOKE, spoken] Madeline broke up with you?
[03:54.958][JEREMY, spoken] Yeah
[03:55.350][THE SQUIP, spoken] No
[03:55.664][JEREMY, spoken] I mean--
[03:56.212][THE SQUIP] I broke up with her
[03:58.798][JEREMY] I broke up with her!
[04:00.810][THE SQUIP] 'Cause she was
[04:01.515]Cheating on me
[04:03.213][JEREMY, overselling it] She was
[04:03.866]Cheating on me-e-e-eeee!
[04:10.292][THE SQUIP] Hey, Hamlet. Be more chill
[04:17.789](spoken) Brooke is going to offer you a ride. It is imperative you accept