Dear Santa
 The thing is this year has been lame
 It always seemed 
 I always dreamed by now I'd have someone elses last name
 
 Way past grown 
 Sleeping in a shrunken bed 
 All alone (unless you count the squatters tearing up my head)
 Tried so hard to be good all year long and we are all inherently bad
 Anne Frank had it wrong
 
 Santa, oh Santa
 Where were you last night?
 I asked for nothing
 I even left some cookies right by the open window 
 I don't have a chimney
 Just a heart of gold
 You see
 Imagine my surprise that not even Santa wants cookies from me
 
 Dear Santa,
 Could you use a six foot one elf?
 I'm sick of taking stock from this widows walk 
 Up here searching for myself
 Is there any way I could hop aboard your sleigh?
 Take a holiday, leave the work to me, your red-nosed blue Jay
 When people say the joy you brings, a children's thing, does it sting?
 Cuz, I will ring silver bells and sing you're as real as Martin Luther King
 
 Santa, oh Santa
 Where were you last night?
 I asked for nothing
 I even left some cookies right by the open window 
 I don't have a chimney
 Just a heart of gold
 You see
 Imagine my surprise that not even Santa wants cookies from me
 
 Chocolate chip
 Oatmeal raisin
 Gingerbread too
 A full selection from my convection in little shapes of you
 Free flowing ho•ho•ings a lot for one man's jaws
 If you're feelin' brittle
 I can bake a little Mrs. for your claus
 
 Santa, oh Santa
 Where were you last night?
 I asked for nothing
 I even left some cookies right by the open window 
 I don't have a chimney
 Just a heart of gold
 You see
 Imagine my surprise that not even Santa wants cookies from me