[00:00.00]"The Whole "Being Dead" Thing"
[00:00.00](feat. Alex Brightman)
[00:00.00](from "Beetlejuice (Original Broadway Cast Recording)" soundtrack)
[00:01.21]BETELGEUSE, sung:
[00:01.54]Hey, folks! Begging your pardon!
[00:04.36]'Scuse me! Sorry to barge in
[00:07.39]Now let's skip the tears and start on the whole
[00:11.90]Y'know Being dead thing
[00:13.20]
[00:13.26]You're doomed! Enjoy the singing
[00:16.45]The sword of Damocles is swinging
[00:19.55]And if I hear your cell-phone ringing
[00:22.40]I'll kill you myself
[00:23.85]The whole being dead thing!
[00:25.20]
[00:25.71]Death can get a person stressed
[00:28.35]"We should have carpe'd way more diems
[00:30.90]Now we're never gonna see 'em!"
[00:31.98]I can show you what comes next
[00:34.18]So don't be freaked
[00:35.77]Stay in your seats
[00:37.40]I do this bullshit, like, eight times a week!
[00:40.46]So just relax, you'll be fine
[00:42.90]Drink your fifty-dollar wine
[00:43.68]And take a breath!
[00:44.49]
[00:45.66]ENSEMBLE:
[00:45.82]Welcome to a show about death!
[00:47.98]
[00:48.16]BETELGEUSE:
[00:50.14]You're...
[00:53.25]You're gonna be fine...
[00:57.80]On the other side...
[00:59.25]DIE! YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE! YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
[00:59.98]
[01:02.10]I'll...
[01:05.38]I'll be your guide...
[01:07.41]To the other side...
[01:07.96]
[01:09.16]ENSEMBLE:
[01:10.93]Oh, and full disclosure: It's a show about death!
[01:11.60]
[01:12.70]BETELGEUSE:
[01:15.80]Everybody gets on fine here
[01:18.48]Like Rodgers, Hart, and Hammerstein here
[01:21.15]The women's bathroom has no line here
[01:21.65]Just...
[01:22.76]Pee where you want!
[01:24.51]The whole being dead thing!
[01:27.29]You're just gonna love the folks here
[01:30.33]Yes, I know you're woke, but you can take a joke here!
[01:32.82]And every show I do, like, a TON of coke here
[01:33.52]
[01:34.41]The whole-
[01:34.90]*heavy sniffing*
[01:36.44]PAH-HAH! The whole being dead thing!
[01:36.88]
[01:39.64]Nobody is bullet-proof!
[01:41.22]"I work out, I eat clean!"
[01:42.94]Jesus, pass the Dramamine
[01:45.86]Time to face the brutal truth:
[01:47.23]'Cause we're all on a hitlist
[01:48.78]Might not live 'till Christmas
[01:50.28]Choke to death on Triscuits
[01:51.99]Hey, that's just statistics
[01:53.52]So take a little break here
[01:55.00]Kinda like a wake here
[01:56.49]The scenery is fake here
[01:58.26]But there's a giant snake here!
[01:58.63]
[02:06.90]ENSEMBLE:
[02:06.81]Welcome to a show about death!
[02:07.39]
[02:08.34]BETELGEUSE:
[02:10.50]You're...
[02:12.73]You're gonna be fine...
[02:13.95]THANK YOU!
[02:16.12]On the other side...
[02:17.72]HOW YOU DOIN'?
[02:18.79]Not good!
[02:19.39]Ba-be-ba-ba-be-bo-boo-bap-boop!
[02:20.59]
[02:22.49]I'll...
[02:26.27]I'll be your guide!
[02:29.94]To the other side!
[02:31.76]Seriously, though, this is a show about-
[02:32.17]
[02:32.50]ENSEMBLE:
[02:34.82]Death is taboo, but it's hardly something new
[02:37.22]There's nothing medical professionals could do
[02:38.45]'Cept maybe just bill you
[02:38.82]
[02:39.47]BETELGEUSE, spoken:
[02:41.12]If you die while listening to this album
[02:42.51]It's still gonna keep playing
[02:42.86]
[02:43.21]ENSEMBLE:
[02:45.47]There's no destiny or fate
[02:47.12]Just a terrifying wait
[02:48.66]Filled with people that you hate
[02:50.46]And on a certain date, the universe kills you!
[02:50.97]
[02:53.77]BETELGEUSE:
[02:54.95]That's the thing with life:
[02:58.52]No-one makes it out alive!
[03:01.19]Toss that body in the pit
[03:02.76]"Gosh, it's awful, ain't it tragic?"
[03:04.34]"Blah, blah, Bible. Jesus magic."
[03:07.22]When you're dead, who gives a shit?
[03:08.91]No pilates, no more yoga!
[03:10.22]"Namaste", you freakin' posers
[03:10.87]
[03:13.56]From the cradle to cremation
[03:16.85]Death just needs a little conversation!
[03:19.72]I have mastered the art (Dies Irae!)
[03:21.70]Of tearing convention apart (Dies Irae!)
[03:22.54]
[03:25.78]So, how about we all make a start (Dies Irae!)
[03:32.30]On the whole being dead thing!
[03:35.29]
[03:35.49]ALL:
[03:35.63]God, I hope you're ready for a show about death!