Something's wrong, I can feel it
Where do I begin
A case has been built against me
That I ain't never gonna win
I get blamed for everything
It's gettin' kinda rough
No matter how much or what I do
It ain't never gonna be enough

I should've stayed with Suzy
She made me feel like a man
You should've stayed with Tommy
He had a big sedan
If I'd've married Ophelia
We'd have a happy home
You could've been with that Enzo
You'd be livin' in Rome

I wanted to get closer
She wasn't in the mood
She said, "I just want to lay here
"Cuddle, kiss and spoon"
She got me all excited
Then she dozed off to sleep
I laid there wide awake
Disappointed, countin' sheep

I should've stayed with that waitress
She was a lot of fun
You should've stayed with that cop
The one with the big long gun
I should've married that showgirl
That you thought was overweight
You should've stayed with that trainer
Maybe you'd have stayed in shape
(Come on, hey)

You tried on a dress
And you asked me, "Do I look fat?"
I said you look great
You said, "Waddya mean by that?"
Bottom line
I got no regrets
Baby, you're the best thing
Any man could ever get

If I'd have stayed with Suzy
I wouldn't have you
If you'd have stayed with that Tommy
He'd have cheated on you
If I'd have married Ophelia
She'd have took my home
And if you still like Enzo
Well you can both go straight to Rome

If I'd have stayed with Suzy
I wouldn't have you
If you'd have stayed with Tommy
He'd have cheated on you
If I'd have married Ophelia
She'd have took my home
And if you still like Enzo
Well you can both go straight to…
(Well that's alright, ha)