作词 : Katharine Neil
 作曲 : Andrea Boccadoro
Mary Payne is frighted when she spies a looking glass
For 'tis a portal out through whence the gates of hell do blast
a deadly and foul wind that comes direct from Satan's fa la la la la la
Wench, be sure to marry lest ye be branded a witch
If Mary sees you keeping cats, against you she will snitch
Beware of Mistress Mary Payne, she is a nosy fa la la la la la
Though our hero Simon Forman's not a Catholic
He disapproves of Mary for her views - they make him sick
But pray he does not tell her lest she punch him in the fa la la la la la
If you try to argue with her you will have no luck
She'll twist and turn your logic 'til your reason comes unstuck
Chastise Mary all you like - she will not give a fa la la la la la
Mary oft takes her young niece to the cock-fighting pits
She prefers a hanging though, she readily admits
Viewed after drinking turnip wine until she's off her fa la la la la la
'Tis well to jest at Mary Payne, 'tis well to sneer and mock
Until her views become the norm - then 'twill be quite a shock
But for now let's laugh at her and how her niece loves fa la la la la la