作词 : Hartman, Midnight, Yankovic
Help me out, dig
All I do is grunt and groan, hurts me to walk anywhere
Went to see my physician, 
Dr. JonesHe took my trousers off, told me to cough
Doctor says there ain't nothin' to discuss
He tells me any day, 
I might have to wear a truss
Living with a hernia, all the time, such aggravation
Living with a hernia, gonna be my ruination
Living with a hernia, got to have an operation
Feel so old
Too much bad pain, good gawd, drives me insane
Can't run, barely crawl, got a bulge in my intestinal wall
Walk real funny, bless my soul, can't play tennis
And it's hard to bowl
You can't even do the splits now, say it
Better call it quits now, now 
I'm sick of all this dancin' anyhow
Living with a hernia, hurts me bad in a tender location
Living with a hernia, had enough humiliation
Living with a hernia, got to have an operation
I live with a hernia, can't get up, can't bend over
Now I live with a hernia, wait a minute
You may not be familiar with the common types
Of hernias that you could get
So just settle down, let me clue you in there's incomplete
Epigastric, bladder, strangulated, lumbar hernia, richter's hernia
Obstructed, inguinal and direct
Living with a hernia rupture
I said it's causin' me such irritation
Living with a hernia, have to have my medication
Living with a hernia, 
I feel bad