[00:00.00] 作词 : Yankovic
[00:11.47]Aquarius
[00:12.30]There's travel in your future when your tongue
[00:14.70]freezes to the back of a speeding bus
[00:17.52]Fill that void in your pathetic life
[00:19.69]by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day
[00:22.42]Pisces
[00:23.05]Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos
[00:25.55]with the E. Bola virus
[00:27.50]You are the true Lord of the Dance
[00:30.24]no matter what those idiots at work say
[00:32.40]Aries
[00:33.05]The look on your face will be priceless
[00:34.58]when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon
[00:38.28]Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf
[00:40.79]then give a hickey to Meryl Streep
[00:42.64]Taurus
[00:43.07]You will never find true happiness
[00:45.47]whatcha gonna do, cry about it?
[00:47.98]The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up,
[00:50.48]do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep
[00:53.64]That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)
[00:58.64]That's your horoscope for today
[01:03.77]That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)
[01:08.77]That's your horoscope for today
[01:13.45]Gemini
[01:13.99]Your birthday party will be ruined once again
[01:17.00]by your explosive flatulence
[01:19.06]Your love life will run into trouble when your
[01:21.25]fiance hurls a javelin through your chest
[01:23.88]Cancer
[01:24.29]The position of Jupiter says that you should
[01:26.69]spend the rest of the week face down in the mud
[01:29.63]Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose
[01:32.58]while taking your driver's test
[01:34.21]Leo
[01:34.52]Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt
[01:36.81]and staple it to your boss's face, oh no
[01:39.64]Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding
[01:41.60]and wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik
[01:44.86]Virgo
[01:45.30]All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent
[01:49.00]except for you
[01:50.09]Expect a big surprise today
[01:52.26]when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick
[01:55.32]That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)
[02:00.32]That's your horoscope for today
[02:05.55]That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)
[02:10.89]That's your horoscope for today
[02:15.35]Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least
[02:17.85]a bit unlikely that the relative position of the
[02:20.26]planets and the stars could have a special deep significance
[02:22.53]or meaning that exclusively applies to only you
[02:25.05]but let me give you my assurance that these
[02:26.57]forecasts and predictions are all based on
[02:28.31]solid scientific documented evidence
[02:30.37]so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize
[02:32.90]that every single one of them is absolutely true
[02:35.39]Where was I?
[02:35.82]Libra
[02:36.39]A big promotion is just around the corner
[02:38.89]for someone much more talented than you
[02:41.62]Laughter is the very best medicine
[02:43.47]remember that when your appendix bursts next week
[02:46.21]Scorpio
[02:46.85]Get ready for an unexpected trip
[02:49.02]when you fall screaming from an open window
[02:51.85]Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem
[02:55.23]you stupid freak
[02:56.43]Sagittarius
[02:57.30]All your friends are laughing behind your back
[03:00.24]K I L L   T H E M
[03:01.77]Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine
[03:05.24]you've got hanging in your den
[03:06.88]Capricorn
[03:07.64]The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person
[03:11.02]but you know they're lying
[03:12.43]If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and
[03:14.39]never never never never never leave my house again
[03:17.66]That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)
[03:22.66]That's your horoscope for today
[03:27.89]That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)
[03:33.02]That's your horoscope for today
[03:38.15]That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)
[03:43.15]That's your horoscope for today
[03:48.27]That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)
[03:53.28]That's your horoscope for today
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