[00:00.000]
[00:05.871] The hallway.
[00:08.247] From the outside an ordinary house.
[00:12.490] A great house, true.
[00:14.866] Four hundred and eighty-three rooms,
[00:17.008] each one with its own marble wash basin and douche.
[00:22.263] Bidet, as it may.But inside - and the positions are reversed.
[00:29.051] A human failing, some say a disease,
[00:32.918] but a disease that Sir Francis Dashwood knew and used well.
[00:41.055] Upstairs, inside, and: a revelation!
[00:46.561] It's a discotheque.
[00:48.270] No, no, uh... there are paintings - real..., and look here!
[00:53.740] A rare seventeenth century masterpiece.
[00:57.439] And if I can scrape a little of it off, beneath I can find hidden ...
[01:05.828] a fourteenth century underpiece.
[01:11.279] Made entirely of tiny pieces of eggshell,
[01:15.867] this lurid work has caused controversy in the world of embroidery and anthropolodge-,
[01:26.325] no, I'll say it again, anthropolology.
[01:31.206] No - quite possibly making... anthropole, no, I mean an'epilog...
[01:37.574] It has enthralled distinguished professors, and In layman's language,
[01:46.980] it's blinking well baffling.
[01:48.974] But to be more obtusely, buggered if I know.
[01:52.976] Yes, buggered if I know.
[01:55.865] And that's all we've gleaned so far from experts in fourteenth century painting,
[02:01.370] renaissance greengrocers, and recently revived members of the public.
[02:07.177] Buggered if I know.
[02:09.224] Vivian Stanshall, about three o'clock in the morning, Oxfordshire
[02:16.735] Nineteen Seventy-three. Goodnight.
[02:20.333]