[00:14.320]I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
[00:16.540]I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
[00:18.750]I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical,
[00:21.220]From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
[00:23.400]I'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical,
[00:26.890]I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
[00:29.430]About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news---
[00:35.510]With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.[00:38.350]
[00:47.790]I'm very good at integral and differential calculus,
[00:50.230]I know the scientific names of beings animalculous;
[00:52.680]In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
[00:55.260]I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
[00:57.540]
[01:05.050]I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's,
[01:07.440]I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
[01:09.860]I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
[01:12.760]In conics I can floor peculiarities parablous.
[01:16.170]I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
[01:19.080]I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes,
[01:21.810]And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
[01:25.670]
[01:41.590]Then I can write a washing bill in Balylonic cuneiform,
[01:44.190]And tell you every detail of Caractacus's uniform;
[01:46.630]In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
[01:49.200]I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
[01:51.490]
[01:59.830]In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",
[02:03.270]When I can tell at sight a chassep?t rifle from a javelin,
[02:06.450]When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
[02:09.950]And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
[02:14.240]When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
[02:17.490]When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery:
[02:20.940]In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,
[02:31.400]You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee---
[02:38.180]
[02:43.180]For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
[02:45.840]Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
[02:48.380]But still in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
[02:50.860]I am the very model of a modern Major-General.