[0:09.27] Both: I had a little gramophone,
[0:13.93] I'd wind it round and round.
[0:17.48] And with a sharpish needle,
[0:21.25] It made a cheerful sound.
[0:24.65] And then they amplified it,
[0:27.83] It was much louder then.
[0:31.57] And used sharpened fibre needles,
[0:34.80] To make it soft again.
[0:38.74] Today for reproduction,
[0:41.32] I'm as eager as can be.
[0:43.69] Count me among the faithful fans,
[0:46.94] Of high fidelity.
[0:52.23] High fidelity,
[0:54.48] Hi-Fi's the thing for me.
[0:56.94] With an LP disk and an FM set,
[0:59.64] And a corner reflex cabinet.
[1:02.46] High frequency range,
[1:04.42] Complete with auto-change.
[1:06.70] Flanders: All the highest notes neither sharp nor flat,
[1:09.35] Swann: The ear can't hear as high as that.
[1:11.52] Flanders: Still, I ought to please any passing bat,
[1:14.41] Swann: With my high fidelity.
[1:17.09] Flanders: Who made this circuit up for you, anyway?
[1:20.62] Bought it in a shop? Shhuuuuuuuu!
[1:22.62] Oooh, what a horrible shoddy job they fobbed you off with with.
[1:25.67] Surprised they let you have it in this room anyway, the acoustics are all wrong.
[1:29.90] If you raise the ceiling four feet...
[1:31.99] put the fireplace from that wall to that wall...
[1:34.11] you'll still only get the stereophonic effect if you sit in the bottom of that cupboard.
[1:40.21] I see... I see you've got your negative feedback coupled in with your push-pull-input-output.
[1:46.96] Take that across through your redded pickup to your tweeter,
[1:49.70] if you're modding more than eight, you're going to get wow on your top.
[1:53.44] Try to bring that down through your pre-amp rumble filter to your woofer,
[1:57.67] what'll you get? Flutter on your bottom!
[2:01.15] Both: High fidelity,
[2:03.03] Flanders: FFRR for me.
[2:04.98] Both: I've an opera here that you shan't escape,
[2:07.62] On miles and miles of recording tape.
[2:10.55] High decibel gain,
[2:12.69] Is easy to obtain.
[2:14.55] Flanders: With the tone control at a single touch,
[2:16.68] Swann: Bel canto sounds like double Dutch.
[2:19.21] Both: But I never did care for music much,
[2:21.94] It's the high fidelity!
[2:36.66] Flanders: This is perhaps a good moment to explain that we don't normally have these things standing around here,
[2:39.97] but tonight they are recording this - stereophonically,
[2:43.76] in fact - for posterity. So wherever you're sitting now, that's where you'll be on the record.
[2:55.76] Sit up nice and straight. Any of you feel like rolling in the aisles or being carried out helpless with mirth,
[2:59.38] this is a jolly good night to do it! Do you want to say hello to posterity?
[3:03.00] Swann: Hello!
[3:04.20] Flanders: Hello, Posterity! If we sort of move around a bit, they'll use it for demonstration purposes.