Both: I had a little gramophone,
 I'd wind it round and round.
 And with a sharpish needle,
 It made a cheerful sound.
 And then they amplified it,
 It was much louder then.
 And used sharpened fibre needles,
 To make it soft again.
 Today for reproduction,
 I'm as eager as can be.
 Count me among the faithful fans,
 Of high fidelity.
 High fidelity,
 Hi-Fi's the thing for me.
 With an LP disk and an FM set,
 And a corner reflex cabinet.
 High frequency range,
 Complete with auto-change.
 Flanders: All the highest notes neither sharp nor flat,
 Swann: The ear can't hear as high as that.
 Flanders: Still, I ought to please any passing bat,
 Swann: With my high fidelity.
 Flanders: Who made this circuit up for you, anyway?
 Bought it in a shop? Shhuuuuuuuu!
 Oooh, what a horrible shoddy job they fobbed you off with with.
 Surprised they let you have it in this room anyway, the acoustics are all wrong.
 If you raise the ceiling four feet...
 put the fireplace from that wall to that wall...
 you'll still only get the stereophonic effect if you sit in the bottom of that cupboard.
 I see... I see you've got your negative feedback coupled in with your push-pull-input-output.
 Take that across through your redded pickup to your tweeter,
 if you're modding more than eight, you're going to get wow on your top.
 Try to bring that down through your pre-amp rumble filter to your woofer,
 what'll you get? Flutter on your bottom!
 Both: High fidelity,
 Flanders: FFRR for me.
 Both: I've an opera here that you shan't escape,
 On miles and miles of recording tape.
 High decibel gain,
 Is easy to obtain.
 Flanders: With the tone control at a single touch,
 Swann: Bel canto sounds like double Dutch.
 Both: But I never did care for music much,
 It's the high fidelity!
 Flanders: This is perhaps a good moment to explain that we don't normally have these things standing around here,
 but tonight they are recording this - stereophonically,
 in fact - for posterity. So wherever you're sitting now, that's where you'll be on the record.
 Sit up nice and straight. Any of you feel like rolling in the aisles or being carried out helpless with mirth,
 this is a jolly good night to do it! Do you want to say hello to posterity?
 Swann: Hello!
 Flanders: Hello, Posterity! If we sort of move around a bit, they'll use it for demonstration purposes.