[01:13.33]Along the Forest Road, there's hundreds of cars - luxury cars.
[01:19.65]Each has got its load of convertible bars, cutlery cars - superscars!
[01:27.88]For today is the day when they sort it out, sort it out,
[01:33.94]'cos they disagree on a gangland boundary.
[01:40.09]They disagree on a gangland boundary.
[01:46.53]There's Willy Wright and his boys -
[01:49.16]one helluva noise, that's Billy's boys!
[01:52.66]With fully-fashioned mugs, that's Little John's thugs,
[01:57.17]the Barking Slugs - supersmugs!
[02:01.27]For today is the day when they sort it out, sort it out,
[02:07.11]yes these Christian soldiers fight to protect the poor.
[02:13.60]East end heroes got to score in...
[02:17.50]the Battle of Epping Forest,
[02:19.49]yes it's the Battle of Epping Forest,
[02:22.68]right outside your door.
[02:30.24]You ain't seen nothing like it.
[02:33.60]No, you ain't seen nothing like it,
[02:36.39]not since the Civil War.
[02:45.52]Coming over the hill are the boys of Bill,
[02:48.52]and Johnny's lads stand very still.
[02:51.77]With the thumpire's shout, they all start to clout
[02:54.97]- there's no guns in this gentleman's bout.
[02:58.57]Georgie moves in on the outside left
[03:01.91]with a chain flying round his head;
[03:05.60]and Harold Demure, from Art Literature,
[03:09.05]nips up the nearest tree.
[03:12.52](Here come the cavalry!)
[03:26.02]Amidst the battle roar,
[03:29.25]accountants keep the score: 10-4.
[03:33.66]They've never been alone, after getting a radiophone.
[03:40.60]The bluebells are ringing for Sweetmeal Sam, real ham,
[03:46.70]handing out bread and jam just like any picnic.
[04:16.30]It's 5-4 on William Wright; he made his pile on Derby night.
[04:22.44]When Billy was a kid, walking the streets,
[04:27.00]the other kids hid - so they did!
[04:31.21]And now, after working hard in security trade, he's got it made.
[04:37.48]The shops that need aid are those that haven't paid.
[04:44.24]"I do my double-show quick!" said Mick the Prick, fresh out the nick.
[04:50.29]"I sell cheap holiday. The minute they leave,
[04:55.81]then a visit I pay - and does it pay!"
[05:00.14]And his friend, Liquid Len by name,
[05:03.03]of Wine, Women and Wandsworth fame,
[05:06.06]said "I'm breaking the legs of the bastard that got me framed!"
[05:29.49]They called me the Reverend when I entered the Church unstained;
[05:37.05]my employers have changed but the name has remained.
[05:45.55]It all began when I went on a tour,
[05:48.00]hoping to find some furniture.
[05:50.14]I followed a sign - it said "Beautiful Chest".
[05:52.14]It led to a lady who showed me her best.
[05:54.05]She was taken by surprise when I quickly closed my eyes.
[05:57.72]So she rang the bell, and quick as hell
[06:02.40]Bob the Nob came out on his job
[06:06.43]to see what the trouble was.
[06:12.85]"Louise, is the Reverend hard to please?"
[06:16.15]"You're telling me!"
[06:17.78]"Perhaps, sir, if it's not too late.
[06:20.12]we could interest you in our old-fashioned Staffordshire plate?"
[06:23.56]"Oh no, not me, I'm a man of repute."
[06:33.80]But the Devil caught hold of my soul and a voice called out "Shoot!"
[06:42.00]To save my steeple, I visited people;
[06:44.36]for this I'd gone when I met Little John.
[06:46.50]His name came, I understood,
[06:48.64]when the judge said "You're a robbing hood."
[06:55.07]He told me of his strange foundation,
[06:59.17]conceived on sight of the Woodstock nation;
[07:03.13]he'd had to hide his reputation.
[07:09.77]When poor, 'twas salvation from door to door.
[07:13.74]But now, with a pin-up guru every week,
[07:17.65]it's Love, Peace & Truth Incorporated for all who seek.
[07:22.35]He employed me as a karma-ma-mechanic, with overall charms.
[07:30.43]His hands were then fit to receive, receive alms.
[07:46.69]That's why we're in
[07:47.67]the Battle of Epping Forest,
[07:50.60]yes it's the Battle of Epping Forest,
[07:53.90]right outside your door.
[08:01.97]We guard your souls for peanuts,
[08:05.13]and we guard your shops and houses
[08:08.32]for just a little more.
[08:16.66]In with a left hook is the Bethnal Green Butcher,
[08:20.12]but he's countered on the right by Mick's chain-gang fight,
[08:23.62]and Liquid Len, with his smashed bottle men,
[08:27.27]is lobbing Bob the Nob across the gob.
[08:30.95]With his kisser in a mess, Bob seems under stress,
[08:34.45]but Jones the Jug hits Len right in the mug;
[08:38.31]and Harold Demure, who's still not quite sure,
[08:41.78]fires acorns from out of his sling.
[08:45.01](Here come the cavalry!)
[08:58.67]Up, up above the crowd,
[09:01.33]inside their Silver Cloud, done proud,
[09:05.87]the bold and brazen brass, seen darkly through the glass.
[09:12.55]The butler's got jam on his Rolls; Roy doles out the lot,
[09:18.54]with tea from a silver pot just like any picnic.
[10:03.85]Along the Forest Road, it's the end of the day
[10:08.70]and the Clouds roll away.
[10:11.76]Each has got its load - they'll come out for the count
[10:16.18]at the break-in of day.
[10:18.10]When the limos return for their final review, it's all thru'
[10:24.49]- all they can see is the morning goo.
[10:28.88]"There's no-one left alive - must be draw."
[10:38.36]So the Blackcap Barons toss a coin to settle the score.