JACKListen, there were objects so peculiar They were not to be believed All around, things to tantalize my brain It's a world unlike anything I've ever seen And as hard as I tryI can't seem to describe Like a most improbable dream But you must believe when I tell you this It's as real as my skull and it does exist Here, let me show you This is a thing called a present The whole thing starts with a box DEVILA box?is it steel? WEREWOLFAre there locks? HARLEOUIN DEMONIs it filled with a pox? DEVIL, WER EWOLF, HAR LEQUIN DEM ONA poxHow delightful, a pox JACKIf you please Just a box with bright-colored paper And the whole thing's topped with a bow WITCHESA bow? But why?How ugly What's in it? What's in it? JACKThat's the point of the thing, not to know CLOWNIt's a bat Will it bend? CREATURE U NDER THE S TAIRSIt's a rat Will it break? UNDERSEA G ALPerhaps it s the head that I found in the lake JACKListen now, you don't understand That's not the point of Christmas land Now, pay attention Now we pick up an oversized sock And hang it like this on the wall MR. HYDEOh, yes! Does it still have a foot? MEDIUM MR. HYDELet me see, let me look SMALL MR. HYDEIs it rotted and covered with gook? JACKHmm, let me explain There's no foot inside, but there's candy Or sometimes it's filled with small toys MUMMY AND WINGED DEM ONSmall toys WINGED DEM ONDo they bite? MUMMYDo they snap? WINGED DEM ONOr explode in a sack? CORPSE KID Or perhaps they just spring out And scare girls and boys MAYORWhat a splendid idea This Christmas sounds fun Why, I fully endorse it Let's try it at once JACKEveryone, please now, not so fast There's something here that you don't quite grasp Well, I may as well give them what they want And the best, I must confess, I have saved for the last For the ruler of this Christmas land Is a fearsome king with a deep mighty voice Least that's what I've come to understand And I've also heard it told That he's something to behold Like a lobster, huge and red And sets out to slay with his rain gear on Carting bulging sacks with his big great arms That is, so I've heard it said And on a dark, cold night Under full moonlight He flies into a fog Like a vulture in the sky And they call him Sandy Claws Well, at least they're excited Though they don't understand That special kind of feeling in Christmas land Oh, well...