Yeah, yeah...
If I didn't have you to hold me tight
If I didn't have you to lie with at night
If I didn't have you to share my sighs
And to kiss me and dry my tears when I cry
Well I, really think that I would
Have somebody else
Someone else would do
Your love is one in a million
You couldn't buy it at any price
But of the 9 point 9 9 9 hundred thousand other loves
Statistically some of them would be equally nice
Or maybe not as nice but say, smarter than you
Or dumber but better at sport or... tracing
I'm just saying
Probably
If I didn't have you someone else would do
If I were a rich man
Fiddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddly
I guess I would be with a surgeon or a model
Or any of the royals or a kennedy
Or a nymphomonical exhibitionist heiress to a large chain of hotels
If I were a rich man maybe I would fiddle
Fiddle diddle diddle with the rich man girls
I'm not saying that I'd not love you if I was wealthy or handsome
But realistically there's lots of fish in the sea
And if I had a different rod I would conceivably land some
Even though I am fiscally consistently pitiable
And considerably less Brad Pitt than Brad pitiful
Am I really so poor and ugly that you reckon only you could possibly love me
And I
Probably
If I didn't have you someone else would do
Look, I'm not undervaluing what we've got when I say
That given the role chaos inevitably plays in the inherently flawed notion of fate
It's obstruse to deduce that I've found my soulmate at the age of 17
It's just mathematically unlikely that at a university in Perth
I happened to stumble on the one girl on earth specifically designed for me
And if I may conjecture a further objection
Love is nothing to do with destined perfection
The connection is strengthened
The affection simply grows over time
Like a flower
Or a mushroom
Or a guinea pig
Or a vine
Or a sponge
Or bigotry
...or a banana, [banana]
And love is made more powerful by the ongoing drama of shared experience and synergy
And symbiotic empathy or something...
So I trust it would go without saying
That I would feel really very sad
If tomorrow you were to fall off something high
Or catch something bad
But I'm just saying
I don't think you're special
I mean... I think you’re special
But, you fall within a bell curve
I mean, I'm just saying I
Probably
I think you are unique and beautiful
You make me happy just by being around
But objectively you would have to agree that baby when I found you
Options were relatively thin on the ground
You're lovely but there must be girls as lovely as you
Or maybe more open to spanking or table tennis...
I'm just saying
Probably
I mean I reckon it's pretty likely that if for example
My first girlfriend Jackie hadn't dumped me
After I kissed Winston's ex girlfriend Neah at Stephs party back in 1993
Enough variables would probably have been altered by the absence of that event
To have meant the advent of a tangential narrative in which we don't meet
Which is to say there exists a theoretical
Hypothetical parallel life
Where what is is not as it is
And I am not your husband and you are not my wife
And I am a stuntman living in LA
Married to a small blonde Portuguese skier
Who when she's not training
Does abstract painting
Practises yoga
And brews her own beer
And really likes making home movies
And suffers neck down alopecia
But with all my heart and all my mind I know one thing is true
I have just one life and just one love and my love that love is you
And if it wasn't for you
Baby you
Probably
Someone else would do