My baby came to me lately
"Honey, please don't take this bad, but maybe
When you laid me
Could we try to spice it up?"

I looked across the table
First to see if she was joking
No joke
There was no flicker
Just a girl who wanted more

Than meat and potatoes
She may stop at whips and chains
She needs carousal
More arousal
A bit of pain

So we started by using handcuffs
We tried a can of cold whipped cream
I was allergic to so much dairy
She had to finish it all by herself

I slapped her
She wasn't expecting
Then she hit me back
She frigging cracked me
I got a nose bleed
She was angry
She wanted more

Than mean and potatoes
She may stop at pumps and drains!
She needs arousal
Some carousal
A bit of pain

Invite the neighbours
Or total strangers
Give yourself a leg up, honey
Wear "The Queen" mask
Put on the French basque
It's full of handy holes
And if we're going to use them all
We're going to need more than

Meat and potatoes!
Oh she may draw the line at dolls and freaks
She needs some abusing
Some amusement
To get through the week

"I know you respect me
And you won't reject me
And the arrow of our love is straight and true"