There was a bounty hunter in the depths of space
And she could easily combine your stupid ass with your face
Her name was Samus Aran, and she would destroy Metroids
When she wasn't totally pissed, she was extremely annoyed
She stood up to every challenge, no matter however demanding
And her courage was amazing, and her boobies were outstanding
What?!
Uh, nothing! I was just saying that you're brave
Uh... okay... hey, look over there! It's Kraid!
I'm the strongest dragon that you've ever seen
You're gonna die, motherfucker, I take up five screens
I'm gonna swallow you whole, and then you'll go down easy!
Then you'll be digested and converted to feces!
I'll take off your helmet, see the fear in your eyes
And your beautiful hair, and your well-toned thighs
And your pillowy lips and... wait, you're not a guy?
Is that a problem, you fuck?!
Uh... no! Prepare to die!
Kraid was hesitating, but Samus was set to fight
She got into a battle stance that made her butt look super-tight
And Kraid said:
No wait, I think there has been a gigantic mistake
I actually just wanted to give you some desserts that I baked
But Samus said:
What pisses me off most in this world
Is when enemies get nice when they all find out I'm a girl
So do me a favor, and take your cakes and your pies
And shove them so far up your ass that they end up behind your eyes!
Stop treating me like I'm a sex object!
Mother Brain's a woman, but she gets respect!
Yeah, Kraid, you never talk to me that way!
Oh, gosh, I wonder if it's because you're a huge, disgusting brain!
Get the fuck off my planet, this is your last chance!
I'm gonna go ahead and slide out of my pants
That's it, you're all fucking dead!
What? This room feels stuffy
By the way, do you like puppies?
Here's a basket of puppies!
Whoops. Killed the puppies.