[00:37.-4]Go up to her and say, "I'm returning your egg."
[00:45.-3]-It's insane. -She'll love it. -
[02:31.-3]I said I'd bring a friend for her friend.
[05:14.-3]I'd take crying any day over Howard,the "I win" guy!
[07:06.-2]So if you want,I have a bag with just your heads.
[13:41.-2]And I have the receipt from my dinner with....
[17:16.-1]Some greeting cards.
[18:51.-2]I just don't think things are gonna work out.
[23:09.-2]It's easy for you to say. You found one already.
[00:02.31]Ross,she wants you.
[00:04.55]We just live in the same building.
[00:07.59]-Any contact? -She lent me an egg. -
[00:10.12]-You're in! -Right. -
[00:14.69]Hey,Ross.
[00:22.07]Come on. Get back in the game.
[00:25.00]The Rachel thing isn't happening, your ex-wife's a lesbian....
[00:30.01]I don't think we need a third.
[00:32.41]Could we get an egg, still in the shell?
[00:35.78]An egg?
[00:42.39]I think it's winning.
[00:48.56]-Thank you. -Thank you. Here.
[00:54.50]Go with the egg,my friend.
[00:58.77]Go,go,go!
[01:03.14]-Think it'll work? -No way. It's suicide. -
[01:07.21]The One With The Candy Hearts
[01:56.56]-You can't do this. -Do what? -
[01:58.93]-Roger wants to take her out. -No! Remember why you dumped him? -
[02:04.40]Because he was creepy.
[02:07.01]And mean. And frightening.
[02:09.11]Still,it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day!
[02:14.25]You can go out with a creep any night.
[02:17.48]I know I do.
[02:22.19]-What are you doing tomorrow night? -That depends on how tonight goes. -
[02:27.63]-About tonight -Don't you bail on me! -
[02:34.73]-But her friend sounds like a -Pathetic mess. I know,but.... -
[02:39.60]Come on. She's needy,vulnerable.
[02:42.44]I'm thinking....
[02:48.91]Thanks.
[02:50.88]You haven't been out with a woman since Janice. You're doing this.
[02:57.82]-She said yes. -Way to go,man! -
[03:02.83]Still got the egg,huh? -
[03:18.31]How do I look?
[03:20.78]I don't care.
[03:26.18]There's Lorraine.
[03:28.45]No trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess.
[03:32.32]Hi,Joey.
[03:36.79]Well,well! Look what you brought!
[03:40.47]Very nice.
[03:42.90]And what did you bring?
[03:46.54]She's checking her coat.
[03:48.57]I'm gonna wash the cab smell off of my hands.
[03:52.14]Get me a white zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.
[04:00.79]Janice?
[04:03.79]Janice!?
[04:06.56]Oh...
[04:07.89]... my... …
[04:09.49]...God! …
[04:14.70]Hey,it's Janice!
[04:23.07]Okay,I'm making a break for it!
[04:25.78]I've been waiting for,like,forever to go out with Lorraine.
[04:30.65]-Just calm down. -Calm down?
[04:33.08]You set me up with a woman I've dumped twice in the last five months!
[04:38.46]Can you stop yelling? You're making me nervous and....
[04:45.20]I can't go when I'm nervous.
[04:48.03]I'm sorry,you're right.
[04:54.07]Come on! Do it,do it!
[04:59.01]Roger was creepy,but he was nothing compared to Pete.
[05:03.01]-Who? -Pete the Weeper
[05:05.22]The guy that used to cry every time we had sex?
[05:09.25]"Was it good for you?"
[05:18.43]"I win! I win!" “
[05:21.87]We went out for two months. I didn't win once.
[05:25.94]How do we end up with these jerks?
[05:29.61]We're some kind of magnets.
[05:32.64]I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch.
[05:39.22]There's more beer,right?
[05:44.29]You know my friend who shaves her head?
[05:47.46]No. No.
[05:48.63]I have this friend who shaves her head.
[05:52.03]She says to break the bad boyfriend cycle...
[05:55.17]...you can do a cleansing ritual.
[06:00.07]Pheebs,this woman is voluntarily bald.
[06:05.24]Yeah.
[06:07.18]We can do it tomorrow night.
[06:10.01]It's Valentine's Day. It's perfect.
[06:12.42]Okay,what kind of ritual?
[06:14.82]We can burn the stuff they gave us.
[06:19.79]Or...?
[06:21.53]Or we can chant and dance around naked with sticks.
[06:29.63]Burning's good.
[06:41.11]You know...
[06:42.88]... I can pick up quarters with my toes.
[06:47.59]Yeah? Good for you.
[06:53.16]Quarters or rolls of quarters?
[07:01.80]By the way,I cut you out of all of my pictures.
[07:11.04]That's okay.
[07:13.18]You could make little puppets out of them.
[07:17.05]And you could use them in your Theater of Cruelty!
[07:23.32]-We can't do that! -What? What can't you do? -
[07:31.36]Can I talk to you for a second? Over there?
[07:41.04]We might be leaving now.
[07:43.91]Tell me it's you and me "we."
[07:47.11]She wants to slather my body with stuff and lick it off.
[07:51.35]I'm not even sure what slathering is!
[07:54.59]But I definitely want to be a part of it!
[07:58.59]Okay,you cannot do this to me.
[08:02.73]You're right. I'm sorry.
[08:05.20]Can we have three chocolate mousses to go?
[08:10.30]I'm out of here.
[08:13.64]Here's my credit card. Dinner's on me.
[08:17.41]I hope she throws up on you.
[08:22.05]Thanks.
[08:25.48]-So.... -Just us.
[08:28.65]What a crappy night!
[08:31.29]I have enjoyed the fact...
[08:34.00]...that your shirt's been sticking out of your zipper.
[08:43.70]Excuse me.
[08:48.24]How you doing?
[08:54.88]So do we have the best friends, or what?
[08:58.62]Joey's not a friend. He's...
[09:03.00]...a stupid man who left us his credit card.
[09:07.63]Another drink? Dessert? A big-screen TV?
[09:11.63]-I'll have a drink. -Got it. Good woman! -
[09:20.74]-A bottle of overpriced champagne. -Each. -
[09:24.14]That's right,each. And a rob roy.
[09:28.15]I've always wanted to know.
[09:48.07]Happy Valentine's Day!
[09:59.71]Oh,I miss you already.
[10:03.81]-Can you believe this happened? -No,no! -
[10:08.59]And yet it did.
[10:11.16]-Goodbye,Janice. -kiss me! -
[10:16.19]Oh,Chandler. Sorry.
[10:18.60]Oh,Chandler. Sorry!
[10:23.20]-Hey,Janice. -Hi,Monica. -
[10:25.67]Well,this was very special.
[10:29.91]Rach,come see who's out here!
[10:33.14]What's going on? Oh,my God!
[10:36.35]Janice! Hi!
[10:38.92]Janice is gonna go away now!
[10:43.59]I'll be right back.
[10:46.79]Joey! Look who it is!
[10:53.00]Good. Joey's home.
[10:54.77]This is so much fun!
[10:57.37]This is like a reunion in the hall!
[11:02.57]Ross,there's someone I want you to say hi to.
[11:08.01]He happened to call.
[11:09.61]Hi,Ross. That's right,it's me! How did you know?
[11:29.70]So,if dogs experience jet lag...
[11:33.67]... because of the seven dog years to one human year thing...
[11:38.21]...when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles...
[11:41.78]... he doesn't just lose three hours, he loses a week and a half.
[11:49.29]That's funny!
[11:59.56]They should be cooking the food soon.
[12:02.60]Oh,good. oh,
[12:14.11]Who are they?
[12:15.68]The blond is my ex-wife. The woman touching her is her...
[12:21.55]...close,personal friend.
[12:26.12]-They're lovers? -lf you want to put a label on it. -
[12:33.63]-Anything else I should know? -Nope. That's it. -
[12:38.04]Oh,and she's pregnant with my baby.
[12:44.31]I always forget that part.
[12:48.58]Hello! Hello!
[12:56.15]Now we need sage branches and the sacramental wine.
[13:03.23]All I had is oregano and a Fresca.
[13:06.63]That's okay!
[13:12.70]Now we need the semen of a righteous man.
[13:22.25]If we had that,we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.
[13:27.92]-Can we start throwing things in? -Yeah,okay! -
[13:35.19]Okay. Barry's letters.
[13:38.13]Adam Ritter's boxer shorts.
[13:49.11]-A picture of Scotty Jared naked! -Let me see! -
[13:52.84]-He's wearing a sweater. -No. -
[14:01.09]-Whose MCl card is that? -Mine. Shoot!
[14:04.26]Remember this number: Nine,seven,four....
[14:10.39]Okay,and here we have the last of Paolo's grappa.
[14:14.33]Wait,isn't it almost pure
[14:21.21]How can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day?
[14:25.21]I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.
[14:29.35]In my next life, I'm coming back as a toilet brush.
[14:35.09]Hello,funny valentine!
[14:38.69]Hi,just Janice.
[14:41.39]Hello,Joey,our little matchmaker.
[14:44.50]I could just kiss you all over, and I'm gonna.
[14:52.74]If you don't do it,I will.
[15:15.43]-So are you actually from New York? -Not originally. I'm from -
[15:21.13]-You said they'd shoot it without you. -I thought they could. -
[15:25.44]The maxi-pads were a piece of cake. Mini-pads should be that much easier.
[15:31.54]-It's Valentine's Day. -I know,but it's my job. -
[15:35.68]I'll try to get back as soon as I can.
[15:39.12]I'm spending most of my time teaching science...
[15:42.42]...which is funny because that wasn't even my major.
[15:58.34]Now,that is funny!
[16:03.64]Do you think it would be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us?
[16:09.15]Because she's alone now. And pregnant. And sad.
[16:14.92]-I guess. -Are you sure? Carol!
[16:19.06]-Wanna join us? -No,I'm fine. -
[16:22.09]Come on. These people will scooch down.
[16:26.50]You guys will scooch,won't you? Let's try scooching! Come on!
[16:32.10]-Come on. -Thank you.
[16:36.51]IKristen Riggs,this is Carol Willick. Carol,Kristen.
[16:40.91]-How do you do? -Carol teaches sixth grade. -
[16:45.08]And Kristen....
[16:50.69]IKristen does something...
[16:54.56]...that,funnily enough...
[16:58.13]...wasn't even her major!
[17:03.67]-Thanks for coming over. -Not at all. It's pretty much our job. -
[17:08.37]That's why we get the cool hats.
[17:11.34]-What do we got there? -A piece of sik boxer shorts. -
[17:19.22]A half-charred picture of....
[17:22.00]That guy's hairier than the chief!
[17:28.06]It's a really funny story how this happened.
[17:32.16]I was taking out the trash, and Phoebe was burning incense
[17:37.67]It's all right.
[17:39.24]This isn't the first boyfriend bonfire we've seen get out of control.
[17:45.01]-Third one tonight. -Really? -
[17:47.54]Valentine's is our busiest night of the year.
[17:53.75]Next time you're burning your ex-boyfriend's stuff:
[17:57.29]One,do it in a well-ventilated area.
[18:00.39]Two,if you wanna burn his clothing, stay away from synthetic fabrics.
[18:05.76]Three,try to let go of the anger, and learn to love yourself.
[18:13.54]-I brought you something. -ls it loaded? -
[18:20.84]Oh,little candy hearts. "Chan and Jan Forever."
[18:27.52]I had them made special.
[18:33.42]Okay,Janice. ok,
[18:38.43]Hey,Janice.
[18:42.83]There's no way to tell you this.
[18:45.34]At least,there's no new way.
[18:56.48]That's fine.
[19:01.59]It is? It is?
[19:03.62]Because I know that this isn't the end.
[19:09.19]You see,actually,it is.
[19:11.86]No,because you won't let that happen.
[19:14.90]Don't you know it yet?
[19:16.90]You love me,Chandler Bing!
[19:24.04]Oh,no,I don't.
[19:26.31]Why do we keep ending up together? New Year's,who invited who?
[19:31.52]-Valentine's,who asked who into bed? -I did,but -
[19:35.72]You seek me out!
[19:37.49]Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn!
[19:42.73]Janice! Janice!
[19:46.80]You push me away, you pull me back!
[19:51.27]You want me. You need me.
[19:54.04]You can't live without me. And you know it.
[19:59.34]You just don't know you know it.
[20:07.78]See?
[20:15.69]Call me!
[20:25.54]It's not true. I never called your mother a wolverine.
[20:29.81]You did so,I swear to
[20:36.18]How long has she been in the bathroom?
[20:39.52]She isn't in the bathroom. Her coat's gone.
[20:42.92]Well,maybe it's cold in there.
[20:47.42]I screwed up my first date in nine years.
[20:50.86]-That could be it. -Oh,God. -
[20:54.63]You know,this is still pretty hot.
[21:01.74]Mushroom.
[21:04.34]Smile.
[21:06.61]They won't all be like this. Some might stay through dinner.
[21:11.35]-I'm sorry. That's not funny. -It's just.... -
[21:14.75]You know the whole "get on with your life" thing?
[21:18.52]Well,do I have to?
[21:21.02]I'm sitting here with this cute woman...
[21:26.10]...and she's perfectly nice,but that...
[21:31.57]...that's it.
[21:33.74]Then I'm here talking to you, and it's easy and it's fun.
[21:38.94]And I don't have to....
[21:41.78]-I know. -You know?
[21:47.48]Here's a wacky thought.
[21:50.82]Let's say you and I give it another shot.
[21:54.69]I know what you're gonna say. You're a lesbian.
[21:59.30]But what do you say we just put that aside for now.
[22:04.40]Let's just stick a pin in it.
[22:07.27]Because we're great together. You can't deny it.
[22:13.54]I've got a ring at home that fits you.
[22:17.68]I've got lots of pictures with both of us in them.
[22:22.72]And best of all, you're carrying my baby.
[22:27.12]-I mean,how perfect is that? -Ross -
[22:30.00]You keep saying that,but there's something right here. I love you.
[22:42.47]I love you too.
[22:45.88]-But -No "but." -
[22:49.51]You know that thing we put over here with the pin in it?
[22:55.69]It's time to take the pin out.
[23:04.80]You'll find someone. The right woman is waiting for you.
[23:14.30]All you need is a woman who likes men, and you'll be set.
[23:21.41]Not her.
[23:35.29]So,you guys really slide down a pole?
[23:41.87]-Absolutely. -That's so cool. -
[23:46.57]How do you get back up?
[23:51.01]Well,we rarely have to return from a fire as quickly.
[23:58.68]So,would you guys....
[24:01.52]Would you like to,sometime,maybe....
[24:06.59]Go for a drink sometime?
[24:08.76]Sure,sounds good.
[24:10.33]We get off at midnight. We'll pick you up then.
[24:13.86]Okay. Great!
[24:16.50]So will you bring the truck?
[24:21.57]I'll even let you ring the bell.
[24:24.37]-We'll see you later. -Bye! See you later!
[24:29.38]Oh,my God!
[24:31.82]See? There you go. The cleansing worked.
[24:34.79]You're right. They're nice guys!
[24:38.02]They're firemen guys!
[24:42.06]-Tell them you're married? -No. My girlfriend doesn't even know. -