[02:06.-2]Never mind. But it was gonna be really good.
[02:36.-2]Does that mean we have to start buying our own toilet paper?
[04:48.-2]I don't.
[05:03.-1]I love my life! I love my life!
[06:50.-4]Well,I don't know....
[06:56.-3]That monkey is a chick magnet.
[07:55.-4]Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests... 8
[09:44.-3]And I'm maintaining my amateur status so I can waitress in the Olympics.
[13:02.-3]I want Okay,I want...
[15:34.-1]Wow! It's huge! It's so much bigger than the cubicle.
[17:49.-4]Everything smells so delicious.
[19:16.-2]...but in a few minutes, we'll serve some tartlets.
[20:06.-1]-You don't wanna spoil your appetite. -Hey,Sugar-O's! -
[23:41.-3]How's this?
[23:50.-2]How about this?
[00:02.55]Coffee.
[00:04.05]-Thank you. -Cappuccino. -
[00:07.59]And a nice,hot cider for Monica.
[00:10.82]Thank you.
[00:13.00]Rach,why does my cinnamon stick have an eraser?
[00:20.83]That's why.
[00:23.30]Sorry.
[00:27.14]The One With The Stoned Guy
[01:21.49]Chandler?
[01:23.93]Miss Tedlock,you look lovely today.
[01:26.50]That is a very flattering sleeve length on you.
[01:32.00]Mr. Costilick would like you to stop by his office today.
[01:36.88]If it's about those prank memos, I wasn't involved.
[01:40.88]Nothing at all. Really.
[01:45.42]And frankly,those shenanigans have no place in an office environment.
[01:57.00]Hey,you guys!
[01:58.66]Chandler's coming and he has incredible news.
[02:01.80]So when he gets here, let's all act,like,you know
[02:09.71]What's going on?
[02:11.34]So it's a typical day at work...
[02:14.28]...and Big Al tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor.
[02:19.52]-That is great! -Congratulations!
[02:21.82]So I quit.
[02:24.56]Why?
[02:26.09]Why? This was a temp job.
[02:28.53]Chandler,you've been there for five years.
[02:31.56]I know,but if I took it,I'd be admitting that this is what I do.
[02:41.24]That was Joey Tribbiani with the big picture. Dan?
[02:45.34]Was it more money?
[02:46.91]Doesn't matter. I just don't want to be a guy who sits in his office...
[02:51.68]...worrying about the WENUS.
[02:56.29]The "WENUS"? "WENUS"?
[02:57.92]Weekly estimated net usage system. It's a processing term. "
[03:02.39]Oh,that WENUS.
[03:05.86]What will you do?
[03:07.27]I don't know. But I won't figure it out working there.
[03:11.84]I have something you can do!
[03:14.27]I have this new massage client,Steve.
[03:18.18]Anyway,he's opening up a restaurant...
[03:21.08]...and he's looking for a head chef.
[03:26.32]-Hi,there. -Hi.
[03:29.35]I know. You're a chef and I thought of you first.
[03:33.16]But Chandler's the one who needs a job right now,so....
[03:38.23]I just don't have a lot of chef-ing experience.
[03:41.47]Unless it's an all-toast restaurant.
[03:45.54]What is he looking for?
[03:47.61]He wants to do something eclectic.
[03:50.04]He's looking for someone who can create the entire menu.
[03:54.88]So,what do you think?
[03:58.25]Thanks. I just don't see myself in a big,white hat.
[04:04.79]Oh,Monica! Guess what?
[04:09.73]a perfect run-up and there he goes,a perfect....
[04:13.93]Watch stuff like this...
[04:15.83]...and you realize why evolution is just a theory.
[04:23.74]Can you see my nipples through this shirt?
[04:28.55]No,but don't worry. I'm sure they're still there.
[04:33.12]Where are you going?
[04:34.79]I have an appointment with Dr. Robert Pilman,career counselor-a-go-go!
[04:41.53]-I added the "a-go-go." -Career counselor? -
[04:44.90]You guys all know what you want to do.
[04:49.93]You guys in the living room all know what you want to do.
[04:53.81]You have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream!
[04:57.74]The lesser-known "I Don't Have a Dream" speech.
[05:05.88]"Brian's Song"!
[05:10.46]-The meeting went great? -So great! -
[05:13.42]He showed me where the restaurant's gonna be.
[05:16.73]It's not too big or too small. It's just right.
[05:20.30]Was it formerly owned by a blond woman and some bears?
[05:24.47]I'm cooking for him Monday, kind of an audition.
[05:28.11]Phoebe,he wants you here. It's great. You can make yummy noises.
[05:33.01]-What are you gonna make? -Yummy noises. -
[05:37.35]-And Monica,what are you gonna make? -I don't know. It's gotta be great.
[05:42.49]I know what you can make! I know!
[05:45.00]You should make that thing with the stuff.
[05:49.56]You know that thing with the stuff?
[05:54.53]Okay,I don't know.
[05:57.67]Anyone know a good date place in the neighborhood?
[06:01.04]How about Tony's? If you finish a 32-ounce steak,it's free.
[06:09.11]Anyone know a good place if you're not dating a puma?
[06:13.92]-Who are you going out with? -ls this the bug lady? -
[06:17.82]"I love you,Ross."
[06:21.69]Her name is Celia and she's insect curator at the museum.
[06:27.63]-What are you gonna do? -Go out to dinner... -
[06:31.47]...then bring her back to my place and introduce her to my monkey.
[06:37.88]And he's not speaking metaphorically.
[06:42.88]So back to your place? You thinking maybe....
[06:52.82]I'm hoping....
[06:58.40]She'll take one look at his cute, little face and it'll seal the deal.
[07:05.10]Celia,don't worry. He's not gonna hurt you!
[07:09.24]Soothing tones.
[07:12.11]-Here,Marcel. -I can't stand this.
[07:16.21]-He's got his claws on my -Yeah,all right.
[07:27.16]Okay,try this salmon mousse.
[07:31.53]Good.
[07:33.06]Is it better than the other salmon mousse?
[07:36.27]-It's creamier. -Yeah? Well,is that better? -
[07:40.30]I don't know. We're talking about whipped fish.
[07:44.74]I'm just happy I'm keeping it down.
[07:53.02]God,what happened to you?
[07:58.12]...intelligence tests,personality tests,and what do I learn?
[08:03.09]"You're suited for data processing for a large multinational corporation."
[08:09.17]That's so great! You already know how to do that.
[08:13.17]Can you believe it?
[08:15.17]Don't I seem like I should be doing something cool?
[08:18.88]I just always pictured myself doing something....
[08:23.05]Something!
[08:24.52]Chandler,I know,I know.
[08:28.12]Hey,you can see your nipples through this shirt.
[08:35.53]Maybe this will cheer you up.
[08:38.66]I had a grape about five hours ago, so I better split this with you. 5
[08:44.30]It's supposed to be small. It's a pre-appetizer.
[08:47.81]The French call it an amuse-bouche.
[08:53.54]Well,it is amusing.
[09:03.82]Hi,Wendy. Yeah,8:00.
[09:07.89]What did we say,$10 an hour?
[09:10.80]Okay,great. All right,I'll see you then.
[09:14.57]-$10 an hour for what? -A waitress from work is helping me. -
[09:19.47]Waitressing?
[09:24.41]Of course I thought of you. But....
[09:28.75]-But.... -But,but....
[09:32.48]But it's just this night has to go just perfect,you know?
[09:37.49]Wendy's more of a professional waitress.
[09:52.54]I don't mean to brag,but I waited tables at lnnsbruck in '76.
[09:59.31]Took home a bronze.
[10:04.42]Amuse-bouche?
[10:23.43]Talk to me.
[10:29.57]A weird thing happened on the train this morning
[10:33.11]Talk dirty.
[10:39.08]-Here? -Come on. Come on
[10:43.39]Say something hot.
[10:48.23]What? What?
[10:56.73]Vulva.
[11:11.58]Vulva?
[11:14.85]I panicked,all right? She took me by surprise.
[11:19.29]But it wasn't a total loss. We ended up cuddling.
[11:23.39]You cuddled? How many times?
[11:27.70]Shut up. It was nice.
[11:30.07]I don't think I'm a dirty-talking kind of guy.
[11:33.34]Just say what you wanna do to her. Or what you want her to do to you.
[11:38.28]Or what other people might be doing to each other.
[11:41.85]I'll tell you what. Try something on me.
[11:47.52]Please be kidding.
[11:51.69]Why not?
[11:53.16]Just close your eyes and tell me what you'd like to be doing right now.
[12:04.54]I'm in my apartment....
[12:07.47]-Yeah,what else? -You're not there.
[12:10.07]-We're not having this conversation. -All right,I'll start. Ready? -
[12:16.78]Oh,Ross...
[12:20.45]...you get me so hot. I want your lips on me now.
[12:29.93]-Now you say something. -I really don't think so. -
[12:33.33]You like this woman,right? You wanna see her again,right?
[12:38.10]If you can't talk dirty to me, how will you talk dirty to her?
[12:42.64]Now tell me you wanna caress my butt!
[12:48.91]Okay,turn around.
[12:51.82]I don't want you staring at me.
[12:54.49]All right,I'm not looking. Go ahead.
[12:57.39]Okay. Ok.
[13:05.40]...to feel your hot,soft skin with my lips.
[13:10.20]There you go. IKeep going,keep going.
[13:19.41]I want to take my tongue and
[13:31.66]Say it.
[13:36.00]Say it!
[13:38.43]run it all over your body...
[13:43.50]... until you're trembling with
[14:05.09]With?
[14:08.89]-Funny story. -You're not gonna believe this. -
[14:12.70]I was always rooting for you two kids to get together.
[14:19.20]-The trembling thing was nice. -Shut up! -
[14:22.51]That guy from your old job called again.
[14:26.24]-Again? -And again and again and again.
[14:35.09]And again.
[14:37.52]Hey,Mr. Costilick. How's life on the 1 5th floor?
[14:42.26]Yeah,I miss you too.
[14:44.13]It's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home.
[14:50.23]That's very generous. But this isn't about the money.
[14:54.41]I need more than a job. I need something I really care ab
[14:59.34]That's on top of the year-end bonus?
[15:02.58]Your dream!
[15:04.15]Look,Al,I'm not playing hardball here,okay?
[15:07.75]This is not a negotiation. This is a rejection!
[15:13.02]Stop saying numbers!
[15:14.73]I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy!
[15:18.36]I'll see you Monday!
[15:39.72]This is a cube!
[15:42.25]Look at this.
[15:47.32]You have a window!
[15:50.49]Yes,indeed-y. With a beautiful view of
[15:53.86]Look! That guy's peeing!
[15:57.74]That's enough of the view. Check this out.
[16:01.67]Okay,sit down here.
[16:03.74]This is great.
[16:06.64]-You ready? -Yeah.
[16:09.21]Helen,could you come in here?
[16:17.02]Thank you,Helen. That'll be all.
[16:20.93]Last time I do that. I promise.
[16:28.10]-She doesn't seem very warm. -I know. She has no personality. -
[16:37.34]Wendy,don't do this to me.
[16:40.08]We had a deal. Yeah,you promised.
[16:51.29]-Who was that? -Wendy bailed. -
[16:56.33]I have no waitress.
[16:59.76]That's too bad. Bye-bye.
[17:04.90]Ten dollars an hour! Twelve dollars an hour!
[17:08.41]I wish I could,but I've made plans to walk around.
[17:13.04]When you ran out on your wedding, I was there.
[17:16.41]I put a roof over your head! If that means nothing....
[17:21.09]Twenty dollars an hour.
[17:24.25]Done.
[17:32.20]Hello. Welcome to Monica's. May I take your coat?
[17:39.40]-Hi,Steve. -Hello,Monica. -
[17:41.57]Hello,greeter girl.
[17:44.38]-This is Rachel. -Yeah,okay.
[17:51.28]I can't remember ever smelling such a delicious combination of
[17:55.79]Okay,smells.
[17:58.59]-It's a lovely apartment. -Thank you. Would you like a tour? -
[18:03.26]I was just being polite, but all right.
[18:09.20]-What's up? -ln the cab on the way over... -
[18:12.20]...Steve blazed up a doobie.
[18:16.01]What? 什么?
[18:17.54]Smoked a joint,you know? Lit a bone. Weed,hemp,ganja
[18:23.45]I'm with you,Cheech.
[18:27.45]-Do you think he's gonna be cool? -ls it dry in here? -
[18:34.59]Let me get you some wine.
[18:37.03]I think we're ready for our first course too.
[18:42.67]These are rock shrimp ravioli in a cilantro ponzu sauce...
[18:47.60]...with just a touch of minced...
[18:55.18]...ginger.
[18:57.21]Well,smack my ass and call me Judy!
[19:03.59]-These are fantastic! -Gosh! I'm so glad you liked them. -
[19:08.00]Like them? I could eat 100 of them!
[19:13.60]That's all there is of these...
[19:19.84]"Tartlets"?
[19:21.71]"Tartlets."
[19:24.21]"Tartlets."
[19:27.74]Word has lost all meaning.
[19:36.12]Excuse me. Can I help you with anything?
[19:39.19]You know,I don't know what I'm looking for.
[19:58.01]Cool! Taco shells!
[20:02.41]They're like a little corn envelope,you know?
[20:11.16]You know,if you just wait another 6 1 /2 minutes
[20:14.76]Macaroni and cheese! We gotta make this!
[20:22.33]-No,we don't. -Oh,okay. -
[20:27.14]Sorry.
[20:32.71]Why don't you just have a seat here?
[20:40.92]-Give me the gummy bears. -No. -
[20:46.69]-Give them to me. -We'll share. -
[20:49.03]-No. Give me the bears. -You can't have any. -
[20:52.70]It's not worth it!
[20:55.07]Bears overboard! They're drowning!
[20:59.50]Don't just stand there. Call 9-1 -1.
[21:03.44]Hey,fellas,grab onto a Sugar-O! Save yourselves!
[21:07.21]Help! Help,I'm drowning!
[21:12.65]-That's it! Dinner is over! -What! Why? -
[21:16.39]Why? What if I came into your office and I started...?
[21:21.56]I can't think of an example.
[21:23.53]I've waited seven years for an opportunity like this...
[21:27.23]...and you can't wait 4 1 /2 minutes for a tartlet?
[21:39.41]So I told him, "I'm sorry. That's how I feel."
[21:42.58]And he told me I harsh-ed his buzz.
[21:47.12]Then I said,"Don't eat that. It's a kitchen magnet."
[21:52.52]And he didn't listen, so we left him in the emergency room.
[21:57.66]-Mon,I'm sorry. -What a tool. -
[22:02.27]-You did the right thing. -You don't wanna work for that guy. -
[22:07.47]I just thought that this was it.
[22:10.57]-Don't worry. You're an amazing chef. -Those yummy noises? I wasn't faking. -
[22:17.31]Am I gonna get paid for the full three hours?
[22:20.42]Just a question. We'll talk about it later.
[22:28.16]So,how did it go with Celia?
[22:31.86]-I was unbelievable. -All right,Ross! -
[22:36.20]I was the James Michener of dirty talk.
[22:39.07]It was the most elaborate filth ever heard.
[22:42.01]I mean,there were characters, plot lines,themes,a motif.
[22:47.54]At one point,there were villagers.
[22:52.08]And?
[22:54.92]By the time we finished all the dirty talk...
[22:58.36]...it was late and we were exhausted
[23:01.06]-You cuddled. -Yeah,which was nice. -
[23:04.16]Do you guys want to try to catch a late movie?
[23:08.07]-Shouldn't we wait for Chandler? -Where the hell is he? -
[23:12.24]I know what time it is...
[23:14.40]...but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy!
[23:18.74]Let me tell you something.
[23:20.91]You will care about it because I care about it. Got it? Good!
[23:42.93]Sorry. How about over here?
[23:45.47]That means it's working.
[23:47.50]-Does this hurt? -No.
[23:52.44]There you go!
[24:01.08]I'm gonna throw up!