[01:03.-2]Tongue?
[03:29.-4]Good.
[05:31.-1]All right.
[06:27.-3]Abso-...
[07:10.-2]He's gonna stay with Julie.
[08:23.-1]Rachel first.
[09:12.-3]Okay,let's do Julie.
[10:39.-4]I just got back...
[11:47.-1]-Let me get my coat. -Okay. No,hey!
[13:22.-4]A lonely gray couch.
[13:54.-1]I do not need to see it!
[15:02.-4]It's "She's not Rachel"!
[16:20.-3]Hey! Open up! Please?
[16:43.-4]Number three: the way you play with your hair when you're nervous.
[17:03.-2]Oh,yeah.
[19:15.-2]Anyhow,here's your check.
[19:31.-1]So it doesn't burn when you pee,does it?
[00:04.82]Ross kissed me.
[00:07.32]Oh,my God! Oh,my God! Oh,my God!
[00:09.82]It was unbelievable!
[00:11.39]Oh,my God! Oh,my God! Oh,my God!
[00:14.69]Let's hear everything.
[00:16.43]Monica,get the wine and unplug the phone.
[00:19.36]Rachel,does this end well or do we need to get tissues?
[00:23.10]It ended very well.
[00:26.20]Do not start without me! Do not start without me!
[00:29.34]Okay. All right. Let's hear about the kiss.
[00:32.18]Was it a soft brush against your lips...
[00:34.78]...or was it a "I gotta have you now" kind of thing?
[00:38.88]Well,at first it was really intense, you know? And then....
[00:43.22]Oh,God. And then we just sort of sunk into it.
[00:46.79]So was he holding you? Or were his hands on your back?
[00:50.63]No,actually,first they started out on my waist...
[00:54.37]...and then they slid up and were in my hair.
[01:00.27]And...
[01:01.44]...then I kissed her. …
[01:04.08]-Yeah. -Cool.
[01:53.16]All right,check out this bad boy!
[01:55.53]Twelve megabytes of RAM, 500-megabyte hard drive... 12MGRAM 500MG
[01:59.10]... built-in spreadsheet capabilities...
[02:01.10]...and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS.
[02:05.27]What will you use it for?
[02:07.84]Games and stuff.
[02:11.51]There are no jobs. There are no jobs for me.
[02:14.41]Oh,wait,here's one.
[02:16.92]-Would you be willing to cook naked? -There's an ad for a naked chef?
[02:21.29]No,but if you'll cook naked,then you might be willing to dance naked.
[02:26.26]And then.
[02:31.43]So how'd you make out last night?
[02:37.44]That is funny. That is painfully funny.
[02:40.14]No,wait,wait. …
[02:41.81]Yeah,that's just painful.
[02:44.31]Wait a minute. I thought last night was great.
[02:47.65]Yeah,it was. But I get home...
[02:49.75]...and I see Julie's saline solution on my night table...
[02:53.25]...and I think, "My God! What am I doing?"
[02:55.79]Here I am with Julie, this incredible,great woman...
[02:58.89]...who I care about and who cares about me... …
[03:01.83]...and I'm just throwing all that away?
[03:04.50]You got all that from saline solution?
[03:08.00]Wait. We're talking about Rachel. You and Rachel.
[03:11.50]I've been dreaming about me and Rachel for 10 years.
[03:14.67]But now I'm with Julie.
[03:16.64]So it's like,me and Julie, me and Rachel.
[03:19.74]Me and Julie,me and Rach
[03:22.48]Rachel! Rachel.
[03:24.85]-Hey,you. -How are you?
[03:27.29]Good. How are you?
[03:30.36]-Hi,honey. -Hi,Julie. Hi,Julie?
[03:33.76]Julie!
[03:36.59]How are you?
[03:37.66]Good.
[03:39.33]So everybody's here.
[03:41.87]Everybody's good.
[03:46.67]Were you gonna play something?
[03:49.14]-Well,actually -Play it!
[03:53.28]All right.
[03:55.15]-Julie,I didn't know you wore lenses. -What?
[04:00.22]Okay. Hi.
[04:02.00]Hello. Hi. Okay.
[04:06.22]This is a song about a love triangle...
[04:09.53]... between three people I made up. …
[04:15.40]It's called "Two of Them Kissed Last Night."
[04:21.64]There was a girl We'll call her Betty
[04:25.54]And a guy Let's call him Neil
[04:29.55]Now I can't stress This point too strongly
[04:33.59]This story isn't real
[04:39.00]Now our Neil must decide Who will be the girl that he casts aside
[04:44.00]Will Betty be the one Who he loves truly
[04:46.40]Or will it be the one Who we'll call Loolie
[04:53.37]He must decide He must decide
[04:55.91]Even though I made him up He must decide
[05:03.01]Well,this is a nice resume.
[05:06.05]Nice,nice,nice.
[05:08.52]Muy impressivo.
[05:11.52]Mr. Rastatter,what does this job entail? The ad wasn't clear.
[05:16.76]Macholate.
[05:18.93]-I'm sorry? -Macholate.
[05:20.47]It's a synthetic chocolate substitute.
[05:25.94]Go ahead,try a piece.
[05:27.74]We think Macholate is even better than chocolate.
[05:41.29]I love how it crumbles.
[05:43.82]-You see,chocolate doesn't do that. -No,ma'am.
[05:47.83]We should be getting our FDA approval any day now.
[05:52.40]Hopefully,in time for Thanksgiving.
[05:55.10]The way we see it, chocolate dominates...
[05:57.80]...your major food-preparation holidays. Easter,Christmas,what have you. …
[06:02.84]But given the right marketing...
[06:05.14]...we can make Thanksgiving the Macholate holiday. …
[06:09.18]Wow.
[06:11.12]Aren't you gonna swallow that?
[06:13.69]Just waiting for it to stop bubbling.
[06:16.32]Isn't that great?
[06:20.29]Well,anyhow...
[06:21.83]...we're looking for chefs who can create Thanksgiving recipes. …
[06:25.53]You interested?
[06:29.27]... -lutely! …
[06:32.27]I love creating recipes, I love Thanksgiving,and now...
[06:36.01]... I love Macholate. …
[06:37.44]Really?
[06:38.71]Especially that aftertaste. I tell you...
[06:41.61]...that'll last you till Christmas. …
[06:48.22]How about Macholate mousse?
[06:50.19]It's not...
[06:51.62]...very Thanksgiving-y. …
[06:53.66]How about Pilgrim Macholate mousse?
[06:57.20]What makes it Pilgrim?
[06:58.73]We'll put buckles on it.
[07:04.07]Did Ross call?
[07:05.54]No,I'm sorry.
[07:07.64]Why didn't he call?
[07:11.81]He's gonna stay with her and she'll be:
[07:14.18]"Hi,I'm Julie. Ross picked me. “
[07:16.68]We'll get married and have lots of kids and dig up stuff together!" “
[07:22.42]No offense,but that sounds nothing like her.
[07:28.03]What am I gonna do? This is like a complete nightmare!
[07:32.26]I know. This must be so hard. "Oh,no! Two women love me!
[07:37.74]They're both gorgeous, my wallet's too small for my 50s...
[07:41.21]...and my diamond shoes are too tight!" …
[07:45.11]-Here's a thought -Don't ever touch the computer.
[07:50.11]Ross,listen. I got two words for you:
[07:53.18]Threesome.
[07:58.29]Let's get logical about this. We'll make a list.
[08:01.26]"Rachel and Julie: Pros and Cons." “
[08:07.90]We'll put their names in different fonts...
[08:10.87]...and I can use different colors for each column.
[08:13.74]Can't we use a pen?
[08:15.24]No,Amish boy.
[08:19.04]Let's start with the cons because they're more fun.
[08:24.82]I don't know.
[08:26.48]I mean....
[08:27.92]All right,I guess you can say she's a little spoiled sometimes.
[08:32.89]You could say that.
[08:36.46]I guess,sometimes she's a little ditzy,you know?
[08:40.80]And I've seen her be a little too into her looks.
[08:44.40]And Julie and I have a lot in common...
[08:46.74]... because we're both paleontologists,right? …
[08:49.84]But Rachel's just a waitress.
[08:51.91]Waitress.
[08:53.85]Got it. You guys want to play Doom?
[08:58.58]Or we could keep doing this.
[09:02.42]What else?
[09:04.26]I don't know.
[09:07.63]Oh! Her ankles are a little chubby.
[09:13.60]What's wrong with her?
[09:18.54]She's not Rachel.
[09:23.94]This is pumpkin pie with a Macholate crust.
[09:27.04]This is Macholate cranberry cake, and these are Macholate-chip cookies.
[09:31.05]Just like the lndians served.
[09:36.69]Oh,my God!
[09:37.89]"Oh,my God" good?
[09:39.06]Oh,my God! I can't believe you let me put this in my mouth.
[09:43.76]Sweet Lord! This is what evil must taste like!
[09:53.47]I tell you,it won't print.
[09:56.47]I pressed that button,like,100 times.
[09:59.38]For a hotline,you're not so hot.
[10:03.75]What is that in the background?
[10:05.75]Are you watching Star Trek?
[10:14.56]So did you break Julie's heart?
[10:18.40]It was horrible. She cried,I cried. She threw things,they hit me.
[10:25.77]I did the right thing.
[10:27.24]So Spock actually hugs his father?
[10:31.84]Hey,do you guys have
[10:37.85]Where you going?
[10:42.52]...from Julie's. …
[10:46.46]No,no.
[10:47.79]It's not what you think.
[10:49.83]It's the other thing.
[10:58.44]Well,what's the other thing? What do I think?
[11:03.84]Well....
[11:05.31]He broke up with Julie!
[11:08.15]Well,go hug her,for God's sakes!
[11:12.68]Really?
[11:13.85]Really.
[11:15.89]It's always been you,Rach.
[11:18.02]Oh,God.
[11:31.37]Oh,this is good.
[11:33.17]-This is really good. -I know. I know.
[11:35.51]It's almost....
[11:43.65]What do you say we take a walk? Just us. Not them.
[11:50.42]I'll get your coat.
[11:59.23]He's going to get my coat. He's going to get my coat,Joey!
[12:02.90]Joey,I can't believe this! This is unbelievable!
[12:07.24]-What's that? -What? Nothing!
[12:11.84]-I saw my name. What is it? -No,no,see? See?
[12:15.41]It's printing!
[12:17.72]It's printing!
[12:20.58]Let me see!
[12:22.05]Hey,someone order a coat?
[12:23.89]Chandler wrote something about me and won't let me see.
[12:27.43]He won't? He won't!
[12:31.26]Because isn't that...
[12:33.10]...the short story you were writing?
[12:36.27]Yes,it is a short story...
[12:38.74]...that I was writing. …
[12:40.20]And I'm in it? Let me read it.
[12:42.31]No!
[12:45.64]-Come on! -Hey,why don't you read it to her?
[12:59.56]All right.
[13:10.60]"It was summer.
[13:14.47]And it was hot.
[13:16.91]Rachel was there.
[13:26.32]'Oh,look!' cried Ned.
[13:29.49]And the kingdom was his forever. The end!"
[13:35.59]That's all you wrote? You're the worst writer in the world!
[13:40.13]This isn't funny anymore.
[13:42.00]There's something about me on that paper,and I want to see it.
[13:46.27]No,you don't.
[13:49.84]All right,fine. If you guys want to be children,that's fine.
[14:02.29]What is this?
[14:03.52]That is....
[14:06.46]What is this?
[14:07.53]-Thank you. -Good luck.
[14:12.53]Okay. Just remember how crazy I am about you,okay?
[14:16.30]"Kind of ditzy"? “
[14:18.37]"Too into her looks"? “
[14:21.07]"Spoiled"?
[14:22.34]A little spoiled. He was supposed to type "little," the idiot!
[14:27.38]"Just a waitress"? “
[14:30.51]Now that was....
[14:32.68]I mean,as opposed to....
[14:36.32]Okay,is this over yet? Rach?
[14:39.42]I do not have chubby ankles!
[14:43.03]No! I
[14:44.43]Okay,look at the other side. Look at Julie's column.
[14:48.43]"She's not Rachem"? “
[14:51.37]What the hell's a Rachem?
[14:53.07]Is that a stupid paleontology word...
[14:55.34]... I wouldn't know, because I'm just a waitress?
[14:58.24]Rach,come on!
[15:04.05]She's not....
[15:13.86]My diary! Brilliant!
[15:15.43]If I'd said it was my diary, she wouldn't have made me read it.
[15:19.46]That's true. You'd be a great person to have around after an emergency.
[15:25.57]I cannot believe Ross even made this list.
[15:28.14]-I know. -What a dinkus!
[15:31.81]Hey,cut him some slack. It was Chandler's idea.
[15:35.31]What?
[15:36.81]Oh,good. I was hoping that would come up.
[15:40.55]This was your idea?
[15:42.15]Let's get some perspective here. These things happen for a reason.
[15:46.79]Yeah. You!
[15:49.89]Pheebs,back me up. You believe in that karma crap,don't you?
[15:54.83]By the way,good luck in your next life as a dung beetle.
[16:16.02]Rach!
[16:22.66]When somebody does not buzz you in, Ross,that means,"Go away."
[16:26.80]It doesn't mean, "Climb up the fire escape."
[16:29.27]I just want to read you your "Pro List."
[16:32.30]Not interested.
[16:35.44]"Number one: the way you cry at game shows.
[16:39.18]Number two: how much you love your friends.
[16:47.18]Number four: how brave you are for starting your life over.
[16:51.29]Number five: how great you are with Ben.
[16:54.63]Number six: the way you smell."
[16:59.53]What are you doing?
[17:01.13]You want to open the window?
[17:05.57]-What are you doing out there? -I'm....
[17:08.17]You must be freezing. You know what you need?
[17:10.87]How about a nice,steaming cup of hot Macholate?
[17:18.18]Come on,open up.
[17:20.65]Rach,come on. You gotta give me another chance.
[17:24.00]No.
[17:25.89]-No? -That's what I said.
[17:28.19]Maybe we should go.
[17:29.53]You don't have to go. We're done.
[17:31.83]I know how you must
[17:33.56]No! You don't,Ross.
[17:35.90]Imagine the worst things you think about yourself.
[17:40.04]How would you feel if the person you trusted most in the world...
[17:44.44]... not only thinks them too...
[17:46.34]... but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you.
[17:50.51]No,but see,I want to be with you in spite of all those things.
[17:55.85]Well,that's mighty big of you.
[17:58.76]I said,don't go!
[18:03.43]You know what?
[18:04.90]If it were the other way around,there is nothing you could put on a list...
[18:09.93]...that would make me not want to be with you. …
[18:13.37]Well,then I guess that's the difference between us.
[18:16.77]See,I'd never make a list.
[18:34.93]I never know how long to wait in this situation before you can talk.
[18:41.60]Maybe a little longer.
[18:48.57]In these recipes, the quantities may seem unusual.
[18:51.91]Like these coconut Macholate holiday nut bars?
[18:55.11]I've indicated four cups of coconut and four cups of nuts...
[18:58.42]...and only one tablespoon of Macholate. …
[19:02.82]Doesn't matter.
[19:05.36]Our FDA approval didn't come through.
[19:08.09]Something about laboratory rats.
[19:12.13]Gosh,I'm sorry.
[19:13.36]Yeah.
[19:18.10]Thank you for all the trouble you went through.
[19:20.94]Listen,you didn't eat a lot of it while you were cooking,did you?
[19:25.18]Well,I ate some.
[19:26.88]Oh,some is fine. Some is not a lot.
[19:51.87]Is that him again?
[19:53.50]Tell him I'd come to the phone, but my ankles are weighing me down.
[19:59.81]I don't think this is the best time.
[20:02.18]Look,can you do something for me?
[20:05.32]Sure. What?
[20:10.65]All right.
[20:15.23]Music?
[20:17.03]Sure.
[20:25.17]The next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross.
[20:28.37]Rachel,he wants you to know he's sorry for what he did...
[20:31.44]...and he hopes you can forgive him. …
[20:34.61]See the stones set in your eyes
[20:39.22]See the thorn twist in your side
[20:43.75]I'll wait for you
[20:52.53]Sleight of hand and twist of fate
[20:56.53]On a bed of nails she makes me wait
[21:01.47]And I'll wait without you
[21:06.11]We've just gotten a call from Rachel and she told us what Ross did.
[21:11.22]It's pretty appalling. And,Ross,if you're listening...
[21:14.42]...I don't want to play your song anymore. …
[21:22.83]Why don't we devote our time to a couple that stands a chance?
[21:25.93]Avery,Michelle's sorry she hit you with her car...
[21:28.57]...and she hopes you two will work it out.
[21:31.64]There's a room where
[21:34.44]I can go …
[21:38.08]And tell my secrets to
[21:43.81]In my room
[21:50.32]In my room
[22:04.94]Thanks for coming in again.
[22:07.14]Not at all. I have no morals, and I need the cash.
[22:10.44]It's like I'm looking in a mirror.
[22:13.48]Anyway,they're called Fish-tachios.
[22:17.68]They taste exactly like pistachios...
[22:20.52]... but they're made of reconstituted fish bits.
[22:24.02]Here,try one.
[22:26.66]-All right. -You're not allergic to anything?
[22:29.69]Cat hair.
[22:30.73]Oh,sorry.