[00:25.-2]Oh,right.
[02:26.-3]Yes!
[03:11.-2]Hi,neighbor.
[07:10.-2]Pheebs? How long do you think this lady will be with us?
[07:18.-4]Sit up!
[07:54.-4]This is Joey.
[11:00.-2]Damn! My mail-order grandfather hasn't come yet.
[14:12.-3]I'm dicing. I'm dicing. I don't hear anything.
[14:19.-2]...there might be more.…
[14:24.-2]
[16:12.-4]You're still gonna pay me,right?
[18:28.-4]All right, you'll be sorry later.
[19:11.-3]Ross.
[19:31.-1]Now I've seen everything!
[21:28.-2]No,that's fine.
[00:02.11]Okay,here's his diaper bag...
[00:05.42]...and his Mr. Winky. …
[00:08.55]And...
[00:11.12]... him. Hi! …
[00:13.43]-How did everything go? -Great!
[00:15.76]There was a projectile...
[00:18.43]...throwing up incident, but he started it. …
[00:22.13]We've gotta go.
[00:26.84]I've got some news. It's about us.
[00:29.47]You and me?
[00:30.58]No. Susan and me.
[00:32.74]The other "us."
[00:38.92]We're getting married.
[00:46.16]As in,"I now pronounce you wife and wife" married?
[00:50.70]We'd like you to come. We understand if you don't want to.
[00:54.50]Why wouldn't I want to come? I had fun at the first wedding.
[00:59.84]I just thought that
[01:01.34]Why shouldn't I be happy for you? What would it say about me...
[01:06.04]...if I couldn't revel in your joy? …
[01:09.31]And I'm reveling,baby! Believe me!
[01:12.32]Is your finger caught in that chair?
[01:16.69]Want us to go?
[01:20.83]The One With the Lesbian Wedding
[02:09.34]This is cool. You're actually on television.
[02:12.31]I know. It really hit me last night.
[02:14.81]I'm on Days of our Lives.
[02:18.58]Then I started thinking about us, and how these are the days of our lives.
[02:27.03]What?
[02:28.13]Carol and Susan's caterer had a bike accident...
[02:31.36]...and she's in a full-body cast. …
[02:37.30]They asked me,which is cool since I've never catered...
[02:40.47]...and I need the money. Is this a problem? …
[02:43.14]-Would it matter? -You're so great!
[02:45.44]Thank you!
[02:46.88]-You're really not going? -I'm really not.
[02:49.68]They already live together. Why do they need to get married?
[02:53.72]They love each other.
[02:55.39]They wanna celebrate that love with the people close to them.
[02:59.66]If you wanna call that a reason.
[03:03.03]Who's the bitterest man in the living room?
[03:07.07]The bitterest man in the living room?
[03:14.47]-I thought you were over this. -That has nothing to do with it.
[03:18.81]If she were marrying a guy, you wouldn't expect me to go.
[03:22.65]If she were marrying a guy, she'd be the worst lesbian ever.
[03:29.42]Did I miss it?
[03:31.02]No,I'm on right after this guy shoots himself.
[03:35.19]She's pretty.
[03:37.33]And she's really nice.
[03:38.93]She taught me about how to work with the cameras...
[03:42.07]...and smell-the-fart acting. …
[03:47.01]-I'm sorry,what? -Excuse me?
[03:49.61]You got so many lines to learn so fast that sometimes...
[03:53.08]...you need a minute to remember your next one. …
[03:56.11]So while you're thinking...
[03:58.05]...you take this big pause where you look all intense. …
[04:01.72]Like this....
[04:09.86]Here's my scene! Here's my scene!
[04:14.57]Mrs. Wallace?
[04:16.47]Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon.
[04:19.10]Is she going to be all right?
[04:21.41]I'm afraid the situation is much more dire than we'd expected.
[04:25.48]Your sister's suffering from a...
[04:33.72]...subcranial hematoma. …
[04:37.59]Perhaps we can discuss this further over coffee.
[04:47.63]Nice!
[04:50.30]For a minute,I thought you were actually smelling something.
[04:56.64]-Do it again! -All right!
[04:58.28]-That was so good! -Do it again.
[05:01.45]"Damn it,Braverman! It's right there on the chart!" “
[05:05.92]I gotta get to work. I got a big dinosaur bone to inspect.
[05:10.09]No,that's me.
[05:11.32]Oh,right.
[05:17.10]Oh,thanks. Couldn't....
[05:21.83]Is everything okay?
[05:23.13]No.
[05:27.27]One of my clients died on the massage table today.
[05:30.84]Oh,my God!
[05:32.71]That's a little more relaxed than you want them to get.
[05:38.28]She was,you know, 82 years old...
[05:41.35]...and her name was Mrs. Adelman. …
[05:44.72]Oh,honey.
[05:45.82]It's just so strange. You know...
[05:48.56]...she probably woke up this morning and thought... …
[05:51.50]... I'll have some breakfast, take a walk,then have my massage. …
[05:55.47]Little did she know God thought, "Okay,but that's it."
[06:02.37]Oh,but the weirdest things was...
[06:05.34]... I was cleansing her aura when it happened. …
[06:08.81]And when her spirit left her body...
[06:11.72]... I don't think it went very far. …
[06:15.00]What do you mean?
[06:16.92]I think it went into me.
[06:28.10]This is so hard.
[06:29.53]I can't decide between lamb or duck.
[06:31.84]Well,lambs are scarier.
[06:33.74]Or the movie would've been called Silence of the Ducks.
[06:38.71]Okay,who ordered what?
[06:40.51]I had the half-drunk cappuccino with the lipstick on the rim.
[06:45.38]And this with the cigarette butt in it,is that decaf?
[06:48.89]Oh,God.
[06:50.72]You're so uptight about your mom coming.
[06:53.06]I know. I just don't want her to think that because...
[06:56.59]... I didn't marry Barry my life is crap. …
[06:59.30]Talk about crap,just listen to Stella Neidman...
[07:02.37]...tell her story about Rod Steiger for the hundredth time. …
[07:14.28]I don't know. She obviously has some unfinished business.
[07:22.39]There she is!
[07:23.79]-Mom! -Hey,sweetie!
[07:31.80]So this is where you work!
[07:34.60]Oh,it's wonderful!
[07:37.00]Is it a living room? Is it a restaurant? Who can tell?
[07:41.51]I guess that's the fun.
[07:43.44]Pretty much. Here,meet my friends.
[07:45.68]Monica! You look gorgeous!
[07:48.81]Oh,my! The last time I saw you, it was eat or be eaten.
[07:55.69]This is Phoebe.
[07:57.02]This is Chandler.
[07:58.49]You remember Ross?
[07:59.79]Oh,hello,Ross.
[08:01.19]Mrs. Greene.
[08:04.60]What do you think of my daughter,in the apron...
[08:07.87]...with the big job! …
[08:09.43]Oh,Mom!
[08:12.04]If you didn't pour the coffee, no one would have anything to drink.
[08:17.21]Believe me,sometimes that happens.
[08:21.78]This is just so exciting! You know,I never worked.
[08:25.45]I went from my father's house to the sorority house...
[08:28.85]...to my husband's house. I am just so proud of you! …
[08:32.79]Really?
[08:34.89]I know who you remind me of.
[08:37.46]Evelyn Durmer.
[08:38.80]That's before the lousy face-lift. Now she looks like Soupy Sales.
[08:47.24]Pheebs? Who's Evelyn Durmer?
[08:51.01]I don't know. Who's Soupy Sales?
[08:56.25]Oh,my God!
[08:57.72]There's an unattractive nude man playing the cello.
[09:02.42]Just be glad he's not playing a smaller instrument.
[09:09.69]You have some life here,sweetie!
[09:12.06]Mom,I realize you were upset when I didn't marry Barry...
[09:15.73]...and get the house in the suburbs with all the security. …
[09:19.57]This is just so much better for me.
[09:21.84]I know. You didn't love Barry,honey.
[09:26.01]And I've never seen you this happy.
[09:28.78]I look at you and I think, "This is what I want."
[09:34.42]For me.
[09:37.05]Well,not just for you.
[09:39.72]What do you mean?
[09:41.93]I'm considering leaving your father.
[09:48.93]All right,tell me if this is too cute.
[09:51.54]Lesbian wedding... chicken breasts.
[09:58.41]Oh,God. I think I'm gonna be sick.
[10:01.75]What? It's not like I'm putting little nipples on them.
[10:08.35]-You had no idea? -None.
[10:11.12]They didn't fight?
[10:12.79]No,they didn't even talk to each other.
[10:15.73]How was I suppose to know they were having problems?
[10:20.06]You know,in my day, divorce was not an option.
[10:24.70]Hey,look who's up!
[10:28.81]I just can't believe this is happening!
[10:31.61]When I was little, all parents got divorced.
[10:34.55]I figured as an adult, I wouldn't have to worry about it.
[10:37.88]Can't you look at this as flattering?
[10:41.00]She just wants to be like you.
[10:43.29]Well,couldn't she have just copied my haircut?
[10:47.76]When my parents divorced, they sent me to a shrink...
[10:50.83]...and she told me that kids blame themselves. …
[10:54.13]But in your case, it's actually kind of true.
[10:57.84]Oh,that's him.
[11:04.34]-Phoebe? -Hi,Mr. Adelman.
[11:06.34]-Nice to see you. -Thanks for coming.
[11:08.48]That's okay. Although you did cut into my busy day of sitting.
[11:14.52]Do you wanna sit?
[11:16.09]No,I spent most of my morning trying to stand up.
[11:21.53]What can I do for you,my dear?
[11:23.59]Okay,I don't know how to say this,but....
[11:26.93]I think when your wife's spirit left her body...
[11:29.87]...it kind of stuck around... …
[11:32.60]...in me. …
[11:34.34]You're saying my wife is in you?
[11:36.71]Yeah. You don't have to believe me,but...
[11:40.01]...can you think of any unfinished business she had? …
[11:43.51]Any reason to hang around?
[11:45.72]I don't know what to say.
[11:47.62]All I can think of is that...
[11:50.12]...she used to say that before she died, she wanted to see everything. …
[11:54.69]-Everything? -Everything.
[11:57.29]That's a lot of stuff.
[11:59.03]Oh,wait,l....
[12:00.36]I remember she also said she wanted to sleep with me one last time.
[12:13.48]I'm sorry. There's laughing in my head.
[12:19.02]Worth a shot,huh?
[12:26.26]Look at this!
[12:28.36]These are all Halloween, three years ago.
[12:31.56]Oh,and look,here's Barry.
[12:33.70]He came straight from the office?
[12:35.93]Oh,no. That was his costume.
[12:39.87]See,he's actually an orthodontist, but he came as a regular dentist.
[12:45.41]You guys?
[12:46.71]Remember when I said that I don't need your help?
[12:50.01]Actually,I think you said...
[12:51.72]... "Don't touch that and get out of my kitchen." …“
[12:55.05]Really? Weird. Anyway....
[12:58.59]I planned really well. I planned and planned.
[13:01.76]I just didn't plan enough time to do it.
[13:04.80]-You want some help? -lf you want.
[13:12.30]What a day!
[13:13.74]I took her everywhere.
[13:18.41]The Museum of Modern Art, Rockefeller Center...
[13:21.65]...the Statue of Liberty. …
[13:23.31]She's still with you?
[13:24.88]Yes. I guess she hasn't seen everything yet.
[13:29.65]Be right back. She has to go to the bathroom again.
[13:34.89]Such a pretty face!
[13:40.80]Oh,this is so much fun! Just the girls!
[13:44.50]Do you know what we should do? Does anybody have any marijuana?
[13:48.57]God!
[13:52.64]Look,no one's smoking pot around all this food.
[13:56.01]Well,that's fine.
[13:58.15]I never did it. I just thought I might.
[14:03.02]What's new in sex?
[14:07.12]What's new in sex?
[14:09.19]The only man I've been with is your father.
[14:15.33]This is no offense to your dad, but I was thinking...
[14:20.44]You know what? I cannot have this conversation with you.
[14:25.14]You come here and drop this bomb on me before you even tell Daddy.
[14:29.45]Do you want my blessing? Want me to talk you out of it?
[14:33.22]Then what do you want?
[14:34.89]I guess I figured you would understand.
[14:37.39]Why on earth would I understand this?
[14:41.23]You didn't marry your Barry,honey.
[14:44.00]But I married mine.
[14:52.57]We're in trouble. We've only got 12 hours and 36 minutes left.
[14:56.54]Move,move,move!
[14:58.74]I feel like you should have German subtitles.
[15:03.91]Joey,speed it up!
[15:05.52]I'm sorry! It's the pigs! They're reluctant to get in the blanket!
[15:10.72]How did this happen? I thought you had this planned out.
[15:14.56]Do you want me to cry?
[15:17.39]Is that what you want?
[15:19.56]Do you wanna see me cry?
[15:22.17]Sir,no,sir!
[15:26.77]All right,you!
[15:28.04]No. Look,I told you, I am not a part of this thing.
[15:31.94]Look,Ross. I know you have issues with Carol and Susan,and I feel for you.
[15:36.55]But if you don't help, I'm gonna take those hot dogs...
[15:39.85]...and create an appetizer called "Pigs In Ross." …
[15:43.92]All right,ball a melon!
[15:45.59]How come I'm stuck dicing when he gets to ball a melon?
[15:54.06]-How's it going? -Great! Right on schedule.
[15:57.07]Got my little happy helpers.
[16:00.94]That's fine. Whatever.
[16:03.54]What's wrong?
[16:04.74]Nothing.
[16:07.21]Okay,everything. I think we're calling off the wedding.
[16:16.12]Or something a little less selfish.
[16:19.00]What's the matter? What happened?
[16:21.16]My parents called to say they weren't coming.
[16:24.66]I knew they were having trouble with this,but...
[16:28.30]...they're my parents. They're supposed to give me away. …
[16:32.80]Susan and I fought because I said maybe we should call it off.
[16:36.84]She said,"This isn't for them. It's for us."
[16:40.08]And if I couldn't see that, we should cancel the wedding. “
[16:43.65]I don't know what to do.
[16:47.69]I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I think Susan's right.
[16:52.39]You do? 真
[16:54.33]Do you love her? And don't be too emphatic about this.
[17:00.63]Of course I do.
[17:01.87]Well then,that's it.
[17:03.67]If George and Adelaide can't accept that,then the hell with them.
[17:09.34]If my parents didn't want me to marry you...
[17:12.34]... no way that would've stopped me. …
[17:16.01]Look,this is your wedding.
[17:18.62]Do it.
[17:22.72]You're right. Of course you're right.
[17:25.32]So we're back on?
[17:27.12]We're back on.
[17:28.53]You heard the woman! Peel! Chop! Devil!
[17:33.50]Can't believe I lost two minutes!
[17:46.54]It just seems so futile.
[17:48.41]You know? All these women,and nothing!
[17:54.65]I feel like Superman without my powers,you know?
[17:58.89]I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly.
[18:04.73]Well,now you understand how I feel every single day.
[18:09.60]The world is my lesbian wedding.
[18:23.78]Butterscotch?
[18:26.42]No one?
[19:05.49]-Thank you. -Anytime.
[19:16.73]Nothing makes God happier...
[19:18.84]...than when two people,any two people, come together in love. …
[19:23.41]Friends,family, we're gathered here today...
[19:26.51]...to join Carol and Susan in holy matrimony. …
[19:29.31]Oh,my God!
[19:36.62]She's gone!
[19:38.26]She's gone!
[19:39.49]She's gone.
[19:40.66]Go ahead,get married. Go,go!
[19:45.03]Strangers in the night
[19:48.27]Exchanging glances
[19:50.77]Wondering in the night
[19:52.67]Would you look at them?
[19:54.27]Yeah. Can't help but.
[20:02.28]How's that pig-in-the-blanket working out for you?
[20:06.15]I wrapped those bad boys.
[20:10.00]I miss Rose.
[20:11.32]Oh,yeah?
[20:12.39]I know it's kind of weird,but she was a big part of my life....
[20:17.49]I don't know,I feel alone.
[20:20.03]You know,I couldn't help overhearing what you just said.
[20:25.74]I think it's time you forget about Rose, move on with your life.
[20:30.41]How about we get you a drink?
[20:32.24]Okay. So nice!
[20:42.19]I shouldn't even bother coming up with a line,right?
[20:48.19]Hey,Mom,having fun?
[20:50.06]Am l! I just danced with a wonderfully large woman.
[20:55.60]And three other girls made eyes at me over at the buffet.
[20:59.34]I'm not saying it's something I wanna pursue...
[21:02.11]... but it's nice to know I have options. …
[21:07.54]There's more alcohol,right?
[21:14.25]How you doing?
[21:19.39]You did a good thing today.
[21:26.36]You wanna dance?
[21:30.60]Come on.
[21:32.27]I'll let you lead.
[21:52.79]Look,penis,schmenis!
[21:54.73]Okay? We're all people.
[22:06.37]Which one of us is gonna be the first one to get married?
[22:10.54]Mon,I was married.
[22:12.34]-Yeah,me too,technically. -I had a wedding.
[22:15.41]Just trying to start a discussion.
[22:18.65]Which one do you think will be the last to get married?
[22:26.82]Isn't Ben in this?
[22:28.36]Of course!
[22:29.43]Absolutely.