[00:19.90]GUARD: Ah, excuse me, this is a...
[00:21.36]Closed set. We know. But we're friends with the monkey, hmm?
[00:27.16]Good morning.
[00:29.37]Look who I brought!
[00:30.82]Your old friend, Harry Elafonte!
[00:35.66]Whoa, dude. Burn!
[00:39.43]I don't get it.
[00:40.54]He seemed so happy to see me yesterday.
[00:43.20]Don't take it personal. He's under pressure, starring in a movie and all.
[00:49.10]Oh.
[00:49.42]How big of a star is Marcel?
[00:51.46]In human terms? I'd say...
[00:54.32]...Cybill Shepherd. ROSS: Whoa.
[00:56.27]RACHEL: Really? JOEY: Whoa.
[00:59.23]So you guys in the movie or you just really paranoid?
[01:04.32]- Hey, Sal? - Mm-hm?
[01:05.68]Jerry wants to know if the monkey's ready.
[01:08.39]JOEY: Excuse me?
[01:09.53]Jerry is the director? Which one's he?
[01:12.12]- The one in the director's chair? JOEY: Gotcha.
[01:15.36]Pheebs, walk with me.
[01:17.77]Okay.
[01:19.40]Um, why am I walking with you?
[01:21.39]Well, uh, we're just going over here so that we can get away from...
[01:23.55]...the horrible flesh-eating virus!
[01:27.46]For the love of God, woman, listen to me!
[01:30.33]Is he looking? Is he looking?
[02:26.19]SUSIE: We've got a problem. - Tell me.
[02:28.57]I can't do Chris' makeup.
[02:30.07]She refuses to acknowledge her mustache.
[02:32.77]Is it bad? - It looks like her eyebrow fell down.
[02:36.27]Unless we convince her to let me bleach it...
[02:38.91]...Jean-Claude Van Damme will be making out with Gabe Kaplan.
[02:42.58]I'll talk to her.
[02:45.05]I hate actors.
[02:47.85]Nice camouflage. For a minute there, I almost didn't see you.
[02:54.79]- Excuse me. Whoa. - Ah!
[02:58.04]Uh, is your name Chandler?
[03:00.27]Uh, yes, it is.
[03:02.07]Chandler Bing.
[03:03.93]Do you know me or are you just really good at this game?
[03:07.06]I'm Susie Moss.
[03:08.61]Fourth grade? Glasses?
[03:12.91]I carried a box of animal crackers like a purse?
[03:14.66]Susie Moss!
[03:16.48]Right! Yeah! Wow!
[03:18.75]You look...
[03:19.91]Great job growing up.
[03:23.02]It's nice to see you don't still wear the cap with the mirrors on it.
[03:26.70]Oh, I graduated fourth grade and realized I wasn't a pimp.
[03:31.46]Heh, heh. Remember the class play?
[03:33.55]You pulled up my skirt and the entire auditorium saw my underpants?
[03:39.55]Yes. Back then, I, uh, used humor as a defense mechanism.
[03:43.66]Thank God I don't do that anymore.
[03:50.65]- Oh, my God! - What? What?-
[03:53.24]It's Jean-Claude Van Damme.
[03:55.02]I didn't know he was in this movie. He is so hot!
[03:58.55]You think?
[04:00.11]The Muscles from Brussels? Wham-Bam-Van-Damme?
[04:03.08]Did you see Timecop?
[04:04.81]No. Was he any good in it?
[04:06.64]Rachel, he totally changed time!
[04:09.87]WoW
[04:11.27]- So why don't you go talk to him? - Oh. Yeah.-
[04:14.53]Go tell him he's cute. What's the worst that could happen?
[04:17.64]He could hear me.
[04:19.23]Oh.
[04:20.87]I'm doing it for you. - Don't you dare! Don't!
[04:23.11]Don't!
[04:24.82]Tell him I cook!
[04:27.70]RACHEL: Excuse me.
[04:29.25]- Hi. Ha, ha. - Hi.-
[04:30.61]Um, this is gonna sound kind of goofy. Ha, ha.
[04:33.44]But, um, my friend over there...
[04:38.29]...who cooks, by the way...
[04:41.21]Um, she thinks you're cute. Heh.
[04:43.01]You don't think I'm cute?
[04:46.24]I don't know. Um...
[04:48.56]Do you think you're cute?
[04:52.53]We're getting off the track. Um, I was supposed to tell you...
[04:56.21]...my friend thinks you're cute.
[04:58.90]What should I tell her?
[05:00.82]You can tell her I think her friend is cute.
[05:07.32]- Oh. Ha, ha. - Huh?
[05:12.20]Whoa. Ha, ha.
[05:13.26]MAN: Makeup! - Oh, that's me. I gotta go.
[05:15.26]Oh, uh...
[05:15.31]Okay.
[05:17.10]Um, how many times do I have to touch you on the arm before you ask me on a date?
[05:26.14]Well, uh, let's try one more.
[05:29.98]There you go. Ernie's, 8:00?
[05:32.35]I'll be there.
[05:34.04]And if things go well, maybe this time...
[05:36.74]...I'll get to see your underwear.
[05:44.64]No one was around to hear that?
[05:52.18]- So, what'd he say? - Ugh!
[05:53.89]What a jerk!
[05:55.28]I kept talking about you, and he kept asking me out.
[06:01.26]Oh.
[06:01.83]Naturally, you know, I said no.
[06:06.45]Well...
[06:07.84]Thanks, anyway.
[06:09.04]He just kept asking...
[06:10.90]...and asking, asking, asking...
[06:14.07]If you want to go out with him, you can.
[06:17.68]Sounds like a jerk to me, but...
[06:19.70]Jean-Claude, she said yes! I'll see you tonight!
[06:25.41]Thank you.
[06:32.80]Then Jean-Claude took me to Crossroads...
[06:36.30]...and we hung out with Drew Barrymore.
[06:39.47]Oh, man. She's so smoking!
[06:41.21]She's got the greatest set of...
[06:46.76]No guys around, huh?
[06:50.28]Anybody need anything? - Oh, I'll have an espresso.
[06:54.19]Oh, I'll get it.
[06:56.04]If I ask you to, you'll end up drinking it yourself.
[07:01.95]That is so unfair. - I know.
[07:04.37]Like you'd drink her coffee after what you did to her with Van Damme?
[07:10.08]I have to cancel racquetball tonight.
[07:16.21]You're blowing me off for a monkey?
[07:18.16]We can reschedule for Saturday.
[07:20.45]Yeah, unless you hook up with a bunch of pigeons.
[07:24.47]Hey.
[07:25.58]Stick a fork in me...
[07:27.34]...I am done!
[07:30.75]PHOEBE: Uh...
[07:31.04]Stick a fork what?
[07:32.37]Like when you're cooking a steak.
[07:33.71]Oh, I don't eat meat.
[07:37.62]How do you know vegetables are done?
[07:39.33]Well, you don't. You eat them and you can tell.
[07:42.63]Okay, then eat me, I'm done!
[07:44.74]Mm.
[07:48.59]I've met the perfect woman. - What?
[07:50.58]We're sitting on her couch, fooling around...
[07:52.97]...and then she turns to me and says:
[07:55.82]"Did you ever want to do it in an elevator?"〝
[07:59.47]What did you say?
[08:00.21]I believe my exact words were:
[08:05.15]How do you know if you wanna do that?
[08:08.06]Oh, you just know.
[08:16.95]Oh, we gotta go. Got a reservation in 30 minutes.
[08:19.88]No, no, no.
[08:22.12]WhatI had planned shouldn't take more than two, three minutes, tops.
[08:27.09]Two hundred seconds of passion! We gotta go.
[08:31.24]But, um...
[08:32.57]...here's an idea.
[08:36.75]Have you ever worn women's underwear?
[08:40.33]Well, yes, actually...
[08:42.36]...but, uh, they were my Aunt Edna's.
[08:46.91]And there were three of us in there.
[08:50.21]I was thinking it would be, um, kind of ***y...
[08:53.28]...if you wore mine tonight at dinner.
[09:00.76]You want me to wear your panties?
[09:04.22]Could you?
[09:05.69]If I was wearing your underwear...
[09:08.15]...then, uh, what would you be wearing?
[09:17.31]You're swell!
[09:21.89]I made Marcel's favorite dish, banana cake...
[09:24.43]Ooh. ...with mealworm.
[09:25.71]Ah.
[09:30.96]Candle. Ha, ha. - Ha, ha.
[09:33.66]What do you think is gonna happen here tonight?
[09:41.29]Hello.
[09:42.92]Oh, hi, are you on your way over...?
[09:46.91]Oh.
[09:50.02]No, I understand. A monkey's gotta work.
[09:54.44]It's no big deal.
[09:55.78]It's not like I, uh, had anything special planned, you know.
[10:02.34]Yeah, okay. Okay. Okay, bye.
[10:11.30]Okay. Rachel, why don't you start talking first?
[10:14.97]All right. I feel that this is totally unjustified.
[10:18.38]She gave me the green light, I did nothing...
[10:23.63]Do you think I can't see you in the TV set?
[10:30.53]Monica, if there's something you'd like to share...
[10:32.95]You had no right to date him!
[10:35.02]That's the most ridiculous... - You sold me out!
[10:38.00]I did not! - You absolutely...
[10:39.28]Would you let me talk!
[10:45.47]Did you just flick me?
[10:48.71]Well, you wouldn't let me finish and I was...
[10:50.99]Ow, that hurt! - Ow.
[10:55.13]Quit flicking!
[10:56.64]Ow! Stop flicking!
[10:58.40]You flicked me first!
[10:59.37]Ow!
[11:00.26]BOTH: Ow!
[11:05.57]PHOEBE: Okay, no, no.
[11:06.38]Let's not do this!
[11:07.84]Come on. Happy thoughts. RACHEL: No! No!
[11:10.70]Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts!
[11:13.14]No! Ow! No!
[11:16.10]PHOEBE: Oh! Oh! RACHEL: Oh, God!
[11:18.26]Oh! Ow!
[11:21.73]Now I'm gonna kick some ass!
[11:24.02]- Ow. - Ow.-
[11:25.82]BOTH: Ow, ow, ow.
[11:32.91]All right. Now, I will let go if you both stop.
[11:37.20]Oh! You want me to stop seeing him? - Uh-huh.
[11:40.88]You want me to just tell him you're seeing him instead?
[11:45.12]Is that what you want? - Okay.
[11:48.91]Oh, that's what you want?
[11:50.90]Yes.
[11:53.58]Fine! - Fine!
[11:55.79]There we go.
[11:57.59]- Ow. - Oh.-
[11:58.88]Ha. If we were in prison, you guys would be, like, my *******.
[12:11.04]Thanks for letting me tag along.
[12:13.34]Forget about it.
[12:17.29]- How you doing there, squirmy? - I'm hanging in.
[12:20.28]And a little out.
[12:24.34]So assistant to the director?
[12:27.80]That's an exciting job. You must have a ton of responsibilities...
[12:31.44]I don't do the casting.
[12:33.50]So, what are you guys gonna eat?
[12:37.25]How come all I can think about is putting that ice in my mouth...
[12:40.91]...and licking you all over?
[12:46.42]Because I went to an all-boys high school, and God is making up for it?
[12:54.81]I want you right here...
[12:56.88]...right now.
[12:58.99]Right now, right here?
[13:01.21]Don't you think we're in kind of a public place?
[13:06.67]They do have the shrimp.
[13:10.63]- Oh. - Meet me in the bathroom.
[13:19.17]I'm going to the bathroom now.
[13:34.30]All right, mister.
[13:36.23]Let's see those panties.
[13:39.40]Alrighty.
[13:42.43]SUSIE: Ooh. Ooh.
[13:46.47]But you know what would be even ***ier?
[13:48.92]CHANDLER: What?
[13:50.39]SUSIE: If you didn't have your shirt tucked into them.
[13:53.75]CHANDLER: Oh.
[13:56.70]SUSIE: All right. Now, I would like to see you wearing nothing but them.
[14:00.82]Take your clothes off.
[14:03.12]CHANDLER: But, uh, I hope you realize this means...
[14:09.43]...we'll miss hearing about the specials.
[14:10.53]SUSIE: Come on, hurry!
[14:13.43]CHANDLER: Do you want this done quick or done right?
[14:17.67]SUSIE: All right, turn around. I wanna see you from behind.
[14:19.05]Oh, oh. Somebody's been doing his Buns of Steel video.
[14:22.21]CHANDLER: So you want me to, uh, clench anything or?
[14:28.19]Susie?
[14:30.28]Susie?
[14:31.73]This, ha, ha, is for the fourth grade.
[14:36.73]Huh? What do you mean? - What do I mean?
[14:39.37]What do I mean?
[14:41.87]I mean underpants, mister! That's what I mean!
[14:44.73]What? What do you mean?
[14:46.39]My skirt...
[14:47.85]...you lifted. Kids laughing!
[14:50.68]I was Susie Underpants till I was 18!
[14:55.68]That was in fourth grade! How could you still be upset?
[14:59.16]Well, um...
[15:00.26]Call me in 20 years and tell me if you're still upset about this.
[15:09.35]I hope you realize you're not getting these underpants back!
[15:23.21]I can't believe this. Ha, ha.
[15:24.65]Just two weeks ago, I was watching Sudden Death...
[15:27.31]...and now I'm on a date with Jean-Claude Van Damme.
[15:32.18]Can you beat up that guy?
[15:36.69]Can you beat up that guy? - Sure.
[15:38.34]Oh, this is so wild.
[15:41.17]I gotta admit, I was surprised that you agreed to go on a blind date.
[15:45.77]Normally, I would not do it.
[15:50.31]Yeah?
[15:51.75]What made you make the exception for me?
[15:53.02]Rachel told me, uh...
[15:54.27]...you were dying to have a threesome with me and, uh, Drew Barrymore.
[15:57.82]By the way, Drew has some ground rules and...
[16:02.75]Say you're sorry! - No!
[16:04.05]MONICA: Say it!
[16:06.35]No! I'm not gonna!
[16:09.70]Say it! Say it! Great! - Oh!
[16:13.05]MONICA: Rachel.
[16:14.42]Say you're sorry or your sweater gets it.
[16:18.29]That is my favorite sweater! That is my third-date sweater!
[16:23.92]Say you're sorry.
[16:26.76]You wanna play? Okay, let's play.
[16:29.81]Let's play.
[16:36.74]What are you gonna do?
[16:37.81]Give me back my sweater or it's handbag marinara.
[16:44.12]You don't have the guts.
[16:46.15]Yeah? At least I wasn't too chicken to tell some guy he was cute.
[16:59.99]Oh, all right, stop! Stop the madness!
[17:06.69]This is crazy!
[17:08.60]Who can remember why you're fighting in the first place?
[17:16.21]Yes, that's right.
[17:19.88]But still...
[17:22.08]Look at your purse!
[17:24.61]Look at your sweater!
[17:27.40]Look at yourselves!
[17:32.97]I'll help you fix your sweater.
[17:35.13]I'll help you...
[17:36.66]...throw out your purse.
[17:40.51]I'm sorry I made you stop seeing him.
[17:44.21]I'm sorry I went out with him when I knew you liked him.
[17:49.86]I'm sorry that I borrowed your gloves.
[18:12.90]CHANDLER: Joey?
[18:14.08]Ma?
[18:17.73]CHANDLER: Joey!
[18:19.78]What are you doing here? I thought you guys took off.
[18:23.38]CHANDLER: She took off with my clothes!
[18:27.83]Are you naked in there? - Well, not exactly.
[18:32.23]I'm wearing panties.
[18:35.30]Huh.
[18:37.48]You, uh, always wear panties?
[18:41.29]No, no. This is the first time.
[18:44.84]Wow. Talk about your bad luck!
[18:48.28]I mean, the first time you try panties and someone walks off with your clothes.
[18:54.39]CHANDLER: I was not trying them out. Susie asked me to wear them.
[18:58.84]Let me see!
[19:00.15]No! I'm not letting you or anybody else see, ever!
[19:03.54]All right, all right!
[19:07.64]Whoa.
[19:10.90]Someone's flossing!
[19:18.45]Joey, some people don't like that.
[19:22.83]Chandler's wearing panties.
[19:25.48]What?
[19:27.56]Let me see! CHANDLER: You don't have to see!
[19:31.80]Hi, tushy!
[19:36.11]One of you give me your underpants. - Oh, no.
[19:39.18]I'm not wearing any.
[19:42.35]How can you not be wearing any?
[19:44.37]Oh. I'm getting heat from the guy in the hot-pink thong.
[19:49.34]Look, Ross. I'll give you $50 for your underpants.
[19:53.18]ALL: Hey.
[20:20.88]Can I have the milk? - I'm almost done with it.
[20:23.71]Keep your panties on.
[20:29.91]Hey. Hey.
[20:31.46]And I'm in the movie! - Hey.
[20:33.21]What happened? - A virus victim called in sick...
[20:35.80]...so Cathy recommended me and boom! I'm dying on a gurney!
[20:39.85]- Hey! - Oh.
[20:41.65]Oh, Marcel just finished his last scene, if you wanna go say goodbye.
[20:47.05]Uh, that's okay. He's probably got parties to go to and stuff.
[20:52.34]You know, he's moved on. That's the way it goes, right?
[20:58.90]Oh, my God!
[21:00.66]What?
[21:48.90]I think I want to write a song about all this.
[21:50.70]RACHEL: Oh, yeah? PHOEBE: Yeah.
[21:52.76]Ooh, except one of the strings on my guitar is broken.
[21:56.60]Chandler, can I borrow your G-string?
[22:00.04]How long you been waiting to say that? - About 20 minutes!
[22:08.83]Can't you see what's going on here? This man is dying!
[22:13.27]DIRECTOR: Cut!
[22:15.52]Can't you see what's going on here? This man is dying!
[22:20.39]DIRECTOR: Cut!
[22:22.95]Can't you see what's going on here? This man is dying!
[22:28.25]Mommy! - Ah.
[22:31.79]Can't you see what's going on? This man is dead!