Hey! You're not gonna believe this. 快看，你们一定不信
Yes,Ross,we know they have magazines with pictures of naked women in them. 是的，我们知道那里面 有裸女的照片
Don't tell him about the videos! 告诉他还有出录影带
I made up a joke and sent it in to Playboy. 我编了一则笑话寄到花花公子
They printed it. 结果登出来了
I didn't know they print jokes. 我不知道花花公子也登笑话
They print jokes,interviews, hard-hitting journalism. 他们有笑话、专访 扎实新闻报导
It's not just about the pictures. 并非只有图片
Didn't work on Mom, it's not gonna work on us. 妈不吃这套，我们也不吃
Check it out. It's the first one. 你们看，还是第一则
Right there. 右边这儿
That is funny. 真好笑
It was also funny when I made it up. 我编出来时也很好笑
-What? -I made that joke up. 什么？ 这则笑话是我编的
No,you didn't. I did. 不是你，是我
Yes,I did. I told Dan and he said it was the funniest joke he'd ever heard. 是我，我说给公司的丹听 他说这是他听过最好笑的笑话
Hey,tell Dan thanks. 帮我谢谢丹
What? 怎样？
I was just reading the joke below it. Man,that one is funny. 抱歉，我在看下面那则笑话 那则很好笑
Monica, you remember me telling you that joke, right? 摩妮卡，你记得 我跟你说过那则笑话吧？
-No. -Seriously? 不记得 真的不记得？
You tell a lot of jokes. 你的笑话一大堆
Look,it's my joke. 钱德，那是我的笑话
But if it makes you feel better, they don't print the name. 不过他们没有印投稿人
So it doesn't really matter who gets credit. 所以是谁的并不重要，对吧？
Yeah,I guess. 大概吧
-Hey,guys. -Playboy printed my joke! 你们好 乔伊，花花公子登了我的笑话
No,it's mine! Call them! They'll tell you! 不，那是我的笑话 你打去问就知道
-My joke! -My joke! 那是我的笑话 是我的
Whoa,whoa,whoa!
Jokes? What...? 笑话？
You know there's naked chicks in there,right? 你们知道这上面有裸女吧？
The One With The Joke 本集播出：“谁是笑话冠军”

Dude! You have got to turn on Behind The Music. 快，赶快转到“音乐内幕”
The band Heart is having a tough time and they may break up. 红心合唱团状况百出 可能会解散
Let's watch that at your place. 我们去你家看
Monica's watching a show. I don't want to miss when they were skinny. 不行，摩妮卡在看烹饪节目 快点，我想看她们瘦的时候
Hey,Chandler? You know what we should do? 钱德，你知道吗？
You and I should go out and get some new sunglasses. 我们应该去买新墨镜
What? No,I want to watch this. 什么？不要，我想看电视
-Did your cable go out? -No. No,that's VH1. 你的第四台断线了吗？ 不是，那是VH-1
I tell you,the music these kids listen to today... 现在的小朋友听的音乐...
it's a lot of noise to me. 简直是噪音
Why is your cable out? 乔伊，第四台为什么没了？
Oh,because I haven't really paid the bill. 因为我没缴钱
If you need money, would you please let me loan you some? 你若缺钱，拜托让我借你好吗
No,Chandler. Forget about it,okay? 不要，你别再说了
I know things have been tight since Janine moved out. God,was she hot. 我知道吉宁走后，我有点吃紧 天哪，她可真辣
I know,yeah. 就是啊
Look,I can handle it, all right? I can listen to the radio. 但是我可以应付，好吗？ 我可以听广播
And Ross gave me this great book. 罗斯也给了我一本很棒的书
Want to see if the joke stealer will let us watch at his place? 要不要问那个笑话小偷 我们能不能去他家看？
Sure. 好啊
-Paid your phone bill? -No. 电话费有缴吗？ 没怎么在缴
It's only you. 原来是你
-What are you doing? -Looking at a Playboy. 你们在看什么？ 我们在看花花公子
I want to look too! 我也想看
Yikes! 好恶
Do you think these pictures are trying to tell a story? 这些照片是有故事性吗？
Sure. Like in the case of this young woman... 当然有，像这位年轻小姐
she has lost her clothes. 她的衣服不见了
So she rides naked on the horse, she's crying out, "Where are they?" 所以她光溜溜的骑着马大喊 “我的衣服呢？”
She's not gonna find them, lying in the grass like that. 光躺在草地上是找不到的
Remember the days when you'd go out to the barn... 记不记得以前去谷仓
Lift up your shirt and bend over? 掀起衣服翘起屁股的日子？
You see,now,I would date this girl. 不过我会约这个女生
She's cute, she's outdoorsy. 她很可爱，很阳光
And she knows how to build a fire. That'll come in handy. 而且她会生火，可以派上用场
I got a question. 我有一个问题
If you had to pick one of us to date, who would it be? 如果要在我们当中挑女朋友 你们会挑谁？
-I don't know. -Me neither. 不知道 我也不知道
Rachel. 瑞秋
What? 什么？
I don't know. 不知道
Me neither. 我也不知道
You know, you forget how many great songs Heart had. 我都忘了红心合唱团 有那么多经典
"Barracuda" was the first song I learned to play on the keyboard. “Barracuda” 是我练键盘学的第一首歌
So you heard it, you repeated it... 你听过，弹过
so that must mean you wrote it. 所以那首歌是你写的罗？
You guys with this joke. Well,I gotta say... 你们怎么还争啊？老实说
I know I cracked up, but I'm not even sure I got it. 我有大笑，但是我看不太懂
What? 什么？
You didn't get it? 你看不懂？
The doctor is a monkey. 那个医生是只猴子
And monkeys can't write out prescriptions. 猴子没办法开处方
You are not allowed to laugh at my joke. 我的笑话不准你笑
Your joke? 你的笑话？
Well,I think the Hef would disagree. 海夫纳可不同意 （花花公子创办人）
Which is why he sent me a check... 所以他寄了这张支票给我
for $100. 100美元
So you stole my joke and you stole my money? 你偷我的笑话，还偷我的钱
I was gonna stick it in the ATM. 我本来要轧进柜员机里
But now I think I'll show the sexy teller... 现在我决定让那位性感女柜员
that I am a published writer. 知道我是个作家
She'll know that you stole the joke. 她会知道你是偷来的
You gonna follow me there? 你想怎样，跟着我去吗？
-Yeah. -I'm not gonna go now. 没错 反正我现在又不去
Okay. 好
Here you go. 帐单
Gunther? 阿甘
I can't pay now, because I'm not working. 我现在不能付 我没工作
I've had to cut down on some luxuries like... 得节省不必要的开销
paying for stuff,so.... 像付帐之类的
Well,if you want,you can work here. 你可以来这里工作
I don't know. 我不晓得…
It's just....
See, I was a regular on a soap opera, you know? 我演过连续剧
And to go from that to this, it's just.... 从明星到服务生，我实在…
And plus, I'd have to wait on all my friends. 而且还得招呼我的朋友
Okay. But the money's good. 好，但薪水很高
Plus, you get to stare at Rachel as much as you want. 还可以看瑞秋看个够
What? 什么？
Flexible hours. 弹性工作时间
Maybe I could be a waiter. 也许可以喔
Could I use the phone? 可以用电话吗？
She picked Rachel. 她选瑞秋
She tried to back out of it, but it was obvious. She picked Rachel. 她想改口 但是很明显，她选瑞秋
He took my joke. He just took it. 他偷了我的笑话
This is wrong. You know what else is wrong? 这样是不对的 还有什么是不对的？
Phoebe picking Rachel. 菲比选了瑞秋
Know who else picked Rachel? Ross. 还有谁会选瑞秋？
Know what else Ross did? He stole my joke. 罗斯，罗斯还做了什么？ 他偷了我的笑话
I'm gonna get a joke journal, you know? 我要买一本笑话日志
And document the date and time of every single one of my jokes. 记录我每次讲笑话的日期时间
Good idea. Know what's a bad idea? 好主意 你知道什么主意不好？
-Picking Rachel. -That's right. 选择瑞秋 没错
Did you hear something? 什么声音？
Maybe it's the sound of Ross climbing into my brain to steal my thoughts. 也许是罗斯爬进我的脑袋 窃取我的思绪
It's coming from the living room. 是客厅传来的
I finished my book. 我的书看完了
-Hey,you guys. -Hey. 你们好
Don't you guys look cute. 你们好可爱
You guys make a cute couple. 真是可爱的一对
What are you doing? 摩妮卡，你在干嘛？
Just trying to re-create some of the fun that we had at my place. 没什么 我只是想制造出前两天的乐趣
Remember? When you picked Rachel over me? 就是你选瑞秋不选我那次
That was funny. 多好玩啊
-It was kind of funny. -It wasn't funny at all! 是蛮好玩的 一点也不好玩
Why would you do that? 你为什么选她？
Why didn't you pick me? 为什么不选我？
Fine. 好
The reason I was leaning a little bit more toward Rachel than you... 我之所以比较倾向瑞秋
is just, you know, you're... 是因为你…
high maintenance. Let's go to lunch! 有点难搞 我们去吃饭吧
That is completely untrue. 哪有这回事
You think I'm high maintenance? Prove it. 你觉得我难搞？ 证明给我看
You write out a list, and we'll go through it point by point. 你列一张清单 我们逐条讨论
No, you're right, you're easygoing. 你说得对，你很好相处
You're just not as easygoing as Rachel. She's just more... 你只是没有瑞秋那么好相处 她比较...
flexible and mellow. That's all. 有弹性，比较圆融
Well,people are different. 每个人都不一样
Rachel will do whatever you want. You can just walk all over her. 瑞秋什么都好 怎么欺负她都行
What? Are you saying that I'm a pushover? I'm not a pushover. 慢着，你是说我没个性吗？ 我才没有
Oh,okay. You're not a pushover. 好，你有个性
You think I'm a pushover. Well,watch this. 天哪，你觉得我没个性 你听着
You're not invited to lunch! 我们不跟你吃饭了
What do you think? Pretty strong,I think. 怎么样？够强硬了吧？
Come on,Monica,let's go to lunch. 摩妮卡，我们去吃饭
You start working on that list. 把清单列出来
-I cannot believe her. -I know. Where do you want to eat? 她真是太扯了 就是啊，你想吃什么？
-Oh,I love that Japanese place. -I'm sick of Japanese. Not there. 我很喜欢那家日本料理 我吃腻日本菜了，不要去那家
Wherever you want to go is cool. 那看你想去哪里
Oh,hey,Gunther... 阿甘
check this out. 你看
Yeah,that Chandler cracks me up. 那个钱德真的很好笑
You want anything to drink? I'm heading up there. 罗斯，你要喝什么吗？ 我要去柜台
-I'll take a coffee. Thanks. -Sure. 要，我要咖啡，谢了 不客气
-Coffee? -No. 咖啡？ 不要
Coffee? I'm going up there. 要咖啡吗？我要去柜台
No,thank you. 不用了 谢谢
You need anything? I'm heading up there. 需要什么吗？我要去柜台
I'd love ice water. 我要一杯冰水
You got it. 没问题
What are you doing? 乔伊，你在干什么？
Just being friendly. 表示友善啊
You're not supposed to go back there. 乔伊，你不能去柜台后面
It's okay. Right? 没关系啦，对吧，阿甘？
Don't wink at me. 别跟我使眼色
And put on your apron. 把围裙穿上
Okay. 穿就穿
I don't see you asking other paying customers to put on aprons. 你怎么不叫其他客人穿围裙
-Joey,do you work here? -No. 乔伊，你在这里打工吗？ 没有
-Waiter. -Yeah! 服务生 什么事？
What's going on? Why didn't you tell us you work here? 乔伊，怎么回事？ 你为什么不告诉我们？
It's kind of embarrassing. I mean, I was an actor,now I'm a waiter. 这件事蛮尴尬的 我之前是演员，现在是服务生
It's supposed to go the other direction. 一般应该反过来才对
So's your apron. You're wearing it like a cape. 你的围裙也反穿成披风了
I mean, the job's easy and the money's good, you know? 这份工作很简单，薪水很高
I guess if I'm hanging out here, I might as well get paid for it. 反正我都在这混，干脆赚个钱
I just feel kind of weird serving you guys, you know? 只是要招呼你们感觉很怪
It'll be great.
Come on,I did it and it was fine. 我也做过，还好啊
Why would it be weird? 对啊，怎么会怪？
Hey,Joey? Can I get some coffee? 乔伊，帮我端个咖啡
It doesn't seem that weird. 确实没那么怪
I asked before. You still haven't gotten it. 我说真的，我点的咖啡还没来
See, now it's weird again. 现在又变怪了
You're gonna make a lot of money. Here's your first tip. 你来这里工作是好事 你会赚大钱，给你一个忠告
Don't eat yellow snow. 不要学坏
2:15, coffeehouse. 2点15分，咖啡馆
This is great. Finally, someone I can pass my wisdom to. 太好了 总算有人能传承我的智慧
Let me tell you some things I learned working here. 告诉你几件我在这里学到的事
First,the customer is always right. 首先，顾客永远是对的
A smile goes a long way. 微笑能让你无往不利
And if anyone is ever rude to you, sneeze muffin. 有人对你不客气 就朝松饼打喷嚏
Thanks,Rach. 谢了
Hey, look, you guys are just terrific, you know? 你们对我真好
How about clearing out so I can get some new customers? 要不要清场让别人进来了？
It's all about turnover. 有流动才有商机
Seriously,can I get my coffee? 乔伊，我想喝咖啡了
I'm sorry. I'll get it right now. 抱歉，马上来
And since you waited, I'll toss in a free muffin. 我送你一块松饼做补偿
Phoebe,we'd like to talk to you. 菲比，我们想跟你谈谈
Okay. 好
So,maybe I am a little high maintenance. 或许我是有点难搞
And maybe Rachel is a little bit of a pushover. 或许瑞秋是有点没个性
But you know what you are? 但你知道你是什么吗？
We are sorry to tell you this, but you, Phoebe, are flaky. 很抱歉这么说 但是你，菲比，是个怪人
That's true, I am flaky. 没错，我是很怪
So,what,you're just okay with being flaky? 所以你怪也无所谓？
Yeah,totally. 完全无所谓
Then I'm okay with being high maintenance. 那我难搞也无所谓
Yeah. And I am okay with being a pushover. 我没个性也无所谓
That's great. Good for you guys. 太好了，无所谓就好
-I am not high maintenance! -I am not a pushover! 我才不难搞 我才没有没个性
-Who said you were? -You did! 谁说你们是了？ 你啊
I'm flaky. I'll say anything. 我是怪人，专门乱说话
Hey,Gunther. 阿甘
Can you cover for me? I got an audition. 帮我挡一下，我接到试镜通知
No, I'm leaving to get my hair dyed. 不行，我要去染头发
I like your natural color. 是吗？我喜欢你的自然色
It's a great part. I'm the lead guy's best friend. 拜托啦，这是个好角色 我演男主角的死党
I wait for him and save his seat. Listen. 在酒吧帮他占位子，你听
"I'm sorry, that seat's saved." 抱歉，这个位子有人
-That's the whole part? -Maybe he's not his best friend. 就这样？ 或许不是他的死党，但是…
I'll see you. 1小时后见
Oh,man.
I could totally get that part. "I'm sorry,this seat is taken." 我绝对能拿到那个角色 抱歉，这个位子有人
-Excuse me. -No,I didn't mean you. 抱歉 不，我不是说你
But you believed me? 但你以为是真的吧？
I believed you were saving this seat for someone. 我以为你在帮别人占位
So you'd hire me,right? 所以你会用我罗？
For what? 用你干嘛？
Exactly! All right, everybody listen up! 就是说嘛…各位请注意
The coffeehouse will be closed for about an hour. 本店要暂停营业1小时
What? 什么？
It's for the kids. 好帮助孩子们
Yeah,to keep the kids off drugs. 帮助他们远离毒品
It's a very important issue in this month's Playboy. 这是本期花花公子的重要报导
I'm sure you all read about it. 各位一定都看过
Hey! Don't you wanna keep guns away from kids? 你不想让孩子们远离枪枝吗？
-You said,"drugs." -It's a vicious cycle. Get out! 你刚才说毒品 这是恶性循环，滚啦
Go! 快点
-It's my joke. -It's my joke. 那是我的笑话 是我的
It's my joke. 是我的
I don't think we're gonna settle this. 我们再吵也吵不出结果
Let's have Monica decide. 让摩妮卡决定吧
-Hey,Mon! -Get out here! 小妹 亲爱的，出来一下
-Monica? -Okay. 摩妮卡
You have to decide whose joke this is. 你来决定这个笑话是谁的
Why do I have to? 为什么要我决定？
You're the only one that can be fair. 因为你才能客观公正
I can't be. You're my boyfriend. 我不能，你是我的男朋友
But I'm your brother. We're family. 但我是你哥哥，我们是家人
That's the most important thing in the world. 世上最重要的就是亲情
Don't try to sway her. 不要想左右她
I'm your only chance to have a baby. 只有我能让你生小孩
-Okay,let's go. -All right. 我们开始吧 好
We'll each tell you how we came up with the joke... 我们会说出这个笑话的由来
then you decide which one of us is telling the truth. Me. 你再决定谁说的是实话…是我
Chandler, you first. 钱德，你先
I thought of the joke two months ago at lunch with Steve. 好，我是2个月前 跟史提夫吃饭时想到的
-Did I meet him at Christmas? -Can I finish? 就是圣诞节那傢伙吗？ 让我说完好吗？
You want me to pick you? 你要我选你吗？
See,I would never snap at you like that. 我绝对不会那样凶你
Two babies.
-Continue. -Okay. 请继续
Steve said he had to go to the doctor. And his doctor's name is Dr. Mompey. 史提夫说他去看医生 他的医生姓侯奇
I said, "Dr. Monkey?" And that is how the whole Dr. Monkey thing came up. 我说“猴子医生？” 所以才会有猴子医生这个笑话
Are you kidding? 你开什么玩笑
Okay,look,I study evolution. 我是学进化论的
Remember? Evolution. 记得吧？进化论
Monkey into man. 猴子进化成人
Plus,I'm a doctor. And... 况且我是博士
I had a monkey. 我还养过猴子
I'm Dr. Monkey! 我是猴子博士
I'm not arguing with that. 这点我不跟你争
I've heard enough for my decision. 好，可以了，我决定好了
-Okay,so what..? -Do tell. 那是？？
You are both idiots. 你们两个都是白痴
It's not funny. And it's offensive to women. 那个笑话不但不好笑 还冒犯了女性
And doctors. And monkeys. 还有医生，还有猴子
You shouldn't argue over who gets credit. 你们不该争笑话是谁的
You should argue over who gets blamed for inflicting this joke on the world. 应该争是谁让这世界受这种罪
Now,let it go. 别再争了
The joke sucks. 那个笑话烂透了
-It's your joke. -It is not. 那是你的笑话 才不是
-Oh, my God, Chandler, there you are. -Hi. 钱德，你在这里
Hey,it's Phoebe and Rachel. 是菲比和瑞秋
Why don't you tell them... 你要不要告诉她们
what you told me about me not being high maintenance. 你刚才说我并不难搞？
Monica is a self-sufficient, together lady. 摩妮卡是个自信沉着的女性
Being with her has been like being on a vacation. 跟她在一起就像在度假
And what may be perceived as high maintenance... 至于所谓的难搞
is merely attention to detail... 只是注重小细节...
and... 和…
generosity of spirit. 心灵的慷慨
Wow. You know what? That is the best fake speech I think I've ever heard. 这真是我所听过最棒的假话
Really? I've heard better. 真的？我听过更棒的
Wait, he came up with that himself. Tell them. 等等，那是他自己说的 你告诉她们
I'm out of words. Should I say it again? 我已经词穷了 可以重复就好吗？
Look, I am not high maintenance! 我一点也不难搞
I am not. Chandler! 钱德
You're a little high maintenance. 你是有点难搞
You are on my list! 你上黑名单了
Look,I'm sorry,but you're not.. 对不起 不过...
You're not easygoing, but you're passionate. 你并不好相处 但你很热情
And that's good. 这样很好
And when you get upset about little things,I think I'm pretty good... 当你为小事不高兴时 我觉得...
at making you feel better. 我蛮能安抚你的
That's good too. They say you're high maintenance... 那样也很好 所以她们说你难搞也行
but it's okay,because I like... 因为我喜欢…
maintaining you. 搞定你
I didn't tell him that. 我没叫他说这些
-You're off my list. -I'm off the list. 你从黑名单除名了 我除名了
Phoebe? 菲比
It's okay that you don't want me to be your girlfriend. 你不找我当女朋友也没关系
I have the best boyfriend. 因为我有最棒的男朋友
You know, suddenly I find you very attractive. 我突然觉得你好迷人
How'd the audition go? 兄弟，试镜结果如何？
Oh, not good. No. 不好
I didn't get the part. And I lost my job here,so... 我没拿到那个角色 这里的工作也没了，所以…
Wow,that is a bad audition. 好惨烈的试镜
Well,how did you lose your job here? 这里的工作为什么没了？
I had the audition... 我要去试镜
but Gunther said I had to stay so he could get his hair dyed. 但阿甘叫我顾店 他好去染头发
So I went anyway, and he fired me. 但我还是去了，他就炒我鱿鱼
He left work to do a personal errand... 他扔下工作去办私事
and left you in charge when you've been here two days? 叫才来2天的你顾店？
That's not right. 这样不对吧
What are you gonna do? 但是能怎么办？
You can't let him get away with that. 乔伊，你不能就这么算了
I won't let him get away with that. I'm gonna say.. 我绝不放过他，我要去教训他
I shouldn't say anything. No,I should say something! 不，我不该多事 不，我要去教训他
Gunther? I want you to give Joey his job back. 阿甘，让乔伊继续在这里打工
-It's not fair that you have to fire.. -Okay. 你这样解雇他一点也不… 好
-What? -He can have his job back. 什么？ 他可以继续打工
That's right, he can have his job back. 没错，他可以继续打工
Glad we got that all straightened out. 讲通了就好
There you go,Joey. 好了
-Got your job back. -That's great. Thanks. 你可以继续打工了 太好了，谢谢你
Pretty nice,huh? Now who's a pushover? 不赖吧？谁没个性了？
-Rach,you're in my seat. -I'm sorry. 你坐到我的位子了 抱歉
I never heard who you'd pick to be your girlfriend. 你们都没说会找谁当女朋友
-I'd pick you,Phoebe. -Yeah,definitely you,Phoebe. 我选你 没错，绝对是你
Yeah,I kind of thought. 我也这么觉得
-Never. -It would totally be you. 绝对是你
If you had to pick one of the other two to go out with... 我有一个问题 如果要找另外两个人当男朋友
who would you pick? 你们会找谁？
-No way. -I'm not answering. 少来 我拒绝回答
Joey. 乔伊
No way, I'm not answering that. 少来，我拒绝回答