-Hi. -Hi! Hi, Ben. -嗨 -嗨！嗨，班
-Hi. -We have a bathroom emergency. -嗨 -厕所紧急事件
Go ahead. 请用
Before we do, are any of Joey's special "romance" magazines in there? 去之前，没有乔伊特别的 “罗曼史”杂志在里面吧？
-No. -Okay, all clear. -没有 -可以了
Thanks, Phoebe. 谢谢，菲比
That's Rachel. 是瑞秋
But whatever. 随便啦
Could you do me a big favor? 可以帮我一个大忙吗？
I have a meeting at the dean's office. 院长办公室召开会议
Can you watch Ben for an hour? 你能替我照看班一小时吗？
-What about Monica? -She isn't home. -摩妮卡呢？ -她不在家
So it would just be me alone? 只有我一个人？
Ben would be there. 班也会在
What's the matter? 怎么了？
I've never done that before. Me and him, alone. 以前从来不曾 只有我和他单独在一起
He's not an ex-con. 他不是前科犯
Okay, okay... 好，好…
-What do I do with him? -I don't know, talk to him. -我要和他做什么？ -我不知道，和他讲话
Entertain him. Keep him alive. 娱乐他，让他活着
-Okay. -Ben, come here. -好 -班，来
I'm gonna leave you here with Aunt Rachel for about an hour, okay? 我要把你留在这儿和瑞秋阿姨 一起一小时，好吗？
Gonna be okay? 你可以吧？
-I think so. -I wasn't talking to you. -我想可以 -我不是和你说话
The One With The Truth About London 本集播出：伦敦的真相

What about the second minister? I kind of liked him. 第二位教士如何？我还蛮喜欢他的
-You mean the spitter? -Come on. He wasn't that bad. -你指喷口水那个？ -别这样，他没那么糟
Easy for you to say, you'd be wearing a veil. 你说起来容易，你有面纱
-And the third guy? -He kept staring at your chest. -第三个呢？ -他一直瞪着你的胸部看
Can you blame him? 你能怪他吗？
I don't like the idea of me saying, "I do"... 我不希望我说“我愿意”时…
while he's thinking,  "I'd do it too." 他想着，“我也愿意”
-Well, then we still have a problem. -With what? -那我们还有一个问题 -什么？
We need someone to perform our wedding but they're all boring or annoying... 我们需要证婚人 但他们都太无趣或是讨厌…
or keep staring at the ladies. 或是一直瞪着女生看
You should have one of us do it. 应该让我们其中一人来证婚
We're getting "married" married,  not "6th-grade" married. 我们是要“结婚”的结婚 不是“六年级”的结婚
No, it's a real thing. 是真的
Anyone can be ordained on the lnternet and perform weddings and stuff. 任何人都能在网路上 被任命为教士然后证婚
I call it! 我要！
What? It was my idea! 什么？是我的主意！
Thank you very much, but neither of you is marrying us. 非常感谢你，但你们 谁也不会替我们证婚
Does calling it not mean anything anymore? 提出请求不再有任何意义了吗？
We're having a legitimate clergy member. 我们要一位正式的教士
And when I say legitimate, I mean gay... 我说正式，我指的是同性恋…
and in control of his saliva. 而且能控制口水的
Ben, you know, when you were a baby... 班，你知道，当你还是个婴儿时…
we'd hang out all the time. 我们常在一起
I was your daddy's girlfriend. 那时我是你爸的女朋友
But you're not anymore. 可是你现在不是了
-No, I'm not. -Because you guys were on a break.. -不，我不是 -因为你们想分开一下…
Hey, we were not on a.. 嘿，我们不是…
-When's my daddy coming back? -Fifty-two minutes. -我爸什么时候会回来？ -52分钟后
So no brothers or sisters, huh? 你没有兄弟姐妹，嗯？
You know, I had two sisters and we just tortured each other. 我有两个姐妹，我们彼此折磨
-Really? Like how? -Well, you know, we would... -真的？像怎样？ -我们会…
we'd repeat everything the other said... 重覆另一个人说的每一句话…
or we'd jump out of closets to scare each other... 或是从衣柜跳出去吓人…
or switch the sugar with salt so they put salt on their cereal. 或是把糖换成盐 让别人把盐洒到早餐麦片里
That's a good one. 这个不错
-Yeah, you like that one? -Yeah, you're funny. -你喜欢吗？ -是，你很好玩
I'm funny? 我很好玩？
Oh, thank God. 感谢天
Well, hey, I got a ton of these. 嘿，我有一大堆这种故事
You take a quarter... 拿一个25仙铜板…
and you blacken the edge, right? 把边缘涂黑
And then you say,  "I bet you can't roll this quarter... 然后说：我打赌 你不能用这枚铜板…
to your chin without it leaving your face." 滚过你的下巴而不离开你的脸
And when they do it, they're left with a line down the center of their face. 等他们这么做了 会在脸正中央留下一条线
Can I do it to you? 我可以对你这样吗？
I'm funny, Ben, but I'm not stupid. 班，我是幽默，但我不笨
So did you find anyone to marry you yet? 你们找到证婚人了吗？
No, but "Horny for Monica" minister called... 没有，但“痴想摩妮卡”教士 打电话来…
wondering if we're still together. 想知道我们是否还在一起
-We'll never find anybody. -Then let me do it. -我们永远不会找到人的 -那么让我来
-Joey.. -I've been thinking. -乔伊… -我想过了
I'm an actor, so I won't get nervous in front of people. 我是个演员，我在人前不会紧张
I won't spit and I won't stare at Monica's breasts. 我不会喷口水 也不会瞪着摩妮卡的胸部看
Everyone knows I'm an ass man. 大家都知道我喜欢的是臀部
-That's true. -The most important thing... -那倒是真的 -最重要的是…
is, it won't be some stranger who barely knows you. 不是一位几乎不认识你的陌生人替你证婚
It'll be me. And I swear, I'll do a really good job. 而会是我，我发誓，我会做得很好
Plus, I love you guys and it would really mean a lot to me. 还有，我爱你们，这对我意义重大
Might be kind of cool. 这样也蛮酷的
-So I can do it? -Yeah, you can do it. -我可以吗？ -好，你可以
All right! Okay! 好！好！
Okay, I gotta get started on my speech. 好，我要开始准备我的演说
Wait a minute. 等一下
Internet ministers can have sex, right? 网路上任命的教士 还是可以 ，对吧？
Coming. 来了
I have a bone to pick with you. 我要找你麻烦
-Uh-oh. -Yes. -惨了 -对
Ben learned a little trick. 班学了一个恶作剧
-Oh, did he pull the old..? -That's right, that's right. -他是不是…？ -对，是的
Saran wrap on the toilet seat... 马桶座位上包了丝龙…
so the pee goes everywhere. 于是尿尿喷得到处都是
-Oh, that. -Yeah, that. -哦，那个啊 -对，那个
You know I hate practical jokes. 你知道我最恨恶作剧的
They're mean, they're stupid and I don't want my son learning them. 恶作剧很毒，很笨 我不要我儿子学会这些
Saran wrap on the toilet seat? Isn't that just a little funny? 马桶包了丝龙？ 那没有一点点好笑吗？
-I was barefoot. -Oh. -我赤脚 -哦
Tell me, the toilet thing is the only thing you taught him, right? 你只有教他马桶这一件，对不？
Yes. 对
-Hey. -Say hello to Reverend Joey Tribbiani. -嘿 -向乔伊崔比亚尼教士打招呼
-You got ordained? -Yeah. -你被任命了？ -对
Just got off the lnternet. Man, there's a lot of porn out there. 才下网，网上好多色情图片
Our minister. 我们的教士
I started on what I'm gonna say for the ceremony. Want to hear it? 我已经写下我在婚礼要说的话，要听吗？
Listen, this is just the first draft, so... 注意，这只是第一篇草稿，所以…
"We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion... 今天我们齐聚此处 在这个喜悦的场合…
to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share. 来庆祝摩妮卡和钱德之间特别的爱
It is a love based on giving and receiving... 这是奠基在付出和接受…
as well as having and sharing. 拥有和分享的爱
And the love that they give and have is shared and received. 他们付出和拥有的爱被分享和接受了
And through this having and giving... 借着这样的拥有和付出…
and sharing and receiving... 以及分享和接受…
we too can share and love and have... 我们同样分享，爱，和拥有…
and receive." 还有接受
Should we call the spitter? 要不要打电话给喷口水的？
-Hey, Rachel. -Hi. -嘿，瑞秋 -嗨
What a surprise. What are you doing here? 好个惊喜，你怎么在这里？
I was just in the neighborhood... 我正好在附近…
and I passed by your building and thought, "What's up with Carol... 经过你家，我想 凯洛和可爱的小班…
and sweet little Ben?" 不知道怎么样？
-That's nice. Well, come on in. -Okay. -真好，请进 -好
I'll make some coffee and we can chat. 我来煮咖啡，然后我们可以聊天
I'd love that. I would love that. 好啊，很好
So where is sweet little Ben? 可爱的小班呢？
I would love to have a little.. 我想和小…
I found him! 找到他了！
Very funny. Come here. 好好笑，过来
That is exactly why I've come here to talk to you, okay? 这就是我来找你谈的原因
-Rachel, you want sugar? -Yes, but.. -瑞秋，要加糖吗？ -好，但…
Do I want sugar in my coffee? 我的咖啡要不要加糖？
No, just some milk would be good, Carol. Thanks. 不要，只要加牛奶就好，谢谢
Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday? 记得我昨天教你的那些东西？
"Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?" “记得我昨天教你的那些东西？”
-Don't do that. -"Don't do that." -不要这样 -“不要这样”
-Your dad doesn't like pranks. -"Your dad doesn't like pranks." -你爸爸不喜欢恶作剧 -“你爸爸不喜欢恶作剧”
-Oh, damn it. -"Oh, damn it!" -可恶！ -“可恶！”
No! Don't say that. 不！不要这么说
-Damn it! -Go back to repeating. -可恶！ -重覆我的说话
-Damn it! -Oh, crap. -可恶！ -真烂！
"Oh, crap!" “真烂！”
Okay, I got some more written, ready? 好，我又写了一些，准备好了吗？
Yeah, okay. 是，好
"When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share... 当我想到这两位付出者 和接受者所分享的爱…
I can't help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving... 我禁不住嫉妒 之后一生的拥有和爱…
and giving.." And then I can't think of a good word for right here. 和付出…我想不出这儿要用什么字
-How about "receiving"? -Yes! -用“接受”如何？ -对！
See, Joe, not that that's not great... 乔伊，这不是不好…
but one cool thing about having a friend perform the ceremony... 但朋友证婚的好处就是…
is that it can be about us. 能够和我们有关
It can be more personal. You can tell stories about us. 可以更个人，你可以说说 我们的小故事
Okay! Maybe I'll talk about London,  when you hooked up. 好！我可以谈伦敦 当你们开始在一起
Only I won't say "hooked up"... 我不会说“在一起”…
I'll say, "began their beautiful journey... 我会说：他们美丽的旅程…
-There you go. -by doing it." -对了 -由做了开始
-Joe. -Okay, all right. -乔伊 -好吧
So how did it happen? Did your eyes meet across the room... 所以是怎么开始的？ 你们的双眼越过房间相遇…
then you're in the bathtub and she's feeding you strawberries? 然后你在浴缸里 她在喂你吃草莓？
-Isn't that what happened to you? -Yeah! -那不是发生在你和伴娘身上吗？ -对！
I call that "London style." 我叫它做“伦敦派”
That didn't happen with us. 没发生在我们身上
Maybe you should say it is, because "London style" sounds nice. 也许你应该说有 因为“伦敦派”听来不错
Okay, uh... 好，嗯…
I was sad that night because this guy thought I was Ross' mom. 那天晚上我很难过 因为有个家伙以为我是罗斯的妈
And Chandler was really sweet and he consoled me and... 钱德对我很好，一直安慰我…
-we drank too much. -Yeah, baby. -而我们喝了很多 -好啊，宝贝
I was a gentleman and I walked her to her hotel room and said good night. 我很绅士地陪她走回旅馆房间，道了晚安
Oh.
-But then, later that night.. -Yeah, baby. -但那晚稍晚时… -好啊，宝贝
Cute P.J.s. Really living it up here in London, huh? 可爱的睡衣 真的想在伦敦过的多采多姿？
Well, I wasn't exactly expecting company after... 我想不会再有人来，现在已经…
9:15. 9点15分
Is Joey here? 乔伊在吗？
Last I saw he was with a bridesmaid and a bucket of strawberries. 上次我看到他时 他和伴娘和一篮草莓在一起
You're not still upset about what that guy told you, are you? 你不会还在为那个家伙的话生气吧？
Wouldn't you be? 你不会吗？
It's been a really emotional time and you've had a lot to drink... 这是一个很感人的时刻 你又喝了很多…
You have to let that go, okay? 你必须要让这件事过去，好吗？
You were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight. 你是今晚屋里最美的女人
Really? 真的？
You kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms.. 你说笑？你是大部份屋里 最美的女人…
Whoa, what's going on? 喔，发生什么事了？
We just made out. 我们亲嘴了
-We're making out? -Not anymore. -我们亲嘴了？ -现在没有
-But we don't do that. -I know, I thought it would be fun. -可是我们不这样的 -我知道，我以为会很好玩
How drunk are you? 你有多醉？
Enough to know I want to do this. Not so much that you should feel guilty. 醉到知道我想这么做 但没到你该觉得内疚的地步
That's the perfect amount. 这是最好的程度
-You know what's weird? -What? -你知道哪里奇怪吗？ -哪里？
-This doesn't feel weird. -I know. -感觉一点都不奇怪 -我知道
-You're a really good kisser. -Well, I have kissed over four women. -你的吻功很棒 -我吻了超过4个女人
Want to get under the covers? Okay. 钻到被窝里？好
Wow, you are really fast! 哇，你好快！
It bodes well for me that speed impresses you. 我想你会欣赏速度
-We're gonna see each other naked. -Yep. -我们要裸裎相见了 -对
-At the same time? -Count of three? -同时？ -数到三？
One, two, three. 一，二，三
Well, I think it's safe to say our friendship is effectively ruined. 我想我们的友谊 很有效的被终结了
Eh, we weren't that close anyway. 反正我们本来也没那么亲近
Joey, Joey, Joey! 乔伊，乔伊，乔伊…！
Hey. 嘿
Hey, Joe. I was just watching a movie... 嘿，乔伊，我在看电影…
Oh, dude, I'm so sorry. 老兄，对不起
No! 不是！
It's cool, I'm still with my bridesmaid. 没事，我还跟伴娘在一起
Where are the condoms? 保险套在那儿？
In my bag over there. 在那边，我的袋子里
Could you leave me one? 可以留一个给我吗？
For just you? 给你？
Yeah. 对
All right. There you go, buddy. 好，给你，老兄
Go nuts. 你去疯吧
That's what that was? 原来是为了那件事用的？
If I hadn't left you one, you two might've never gotten together. 如果我没留一个给你 你们两个可能永远不会在一起
Imagine if I had sent that hooker like I was gonna? 想像一下，如果我照原来计划 送了一个妓女上去会怎样？
It's like it was in the stars. 就像在天上一样
Yeah, totally meant to be. 是啊，你们是注定在一起的
Tell him who you originally wanted to hook up with that night. 告诉他你原先那晚是要去找谁的
-What? -What? -什么？ -什么？
What? 什么？
Who did you originally want to hook up with? 你原先是要去找谁的？
Okay, fine, but please don't be upset. 好吧，不要生气
I was really depressed, okay? And really drunk. 我那时真的很沮丧，好吗？ 而且醉得很厉害
I wanted something stupid and meaningless. I just wanted sex. 我想做又笨又无意义的事 我只想上床
So, when I went to your room that night... 所以那晚我到你们房间…
I was actually looking for Joey. 其实是要找乔伊的
Yeah, baby. 好啊，宝贝
No, baby. 不，宝贝
Oh, my God. 哦，我的天
You came looking for Joey? 你来找乔伊的？
-Were you planning on telling me this? -No, I didn't think it was important. -你有要告诉我吗？ -没有，我觉得这不重要
It's not important? It's not important? 这不重要？这不重要？
If it wasn't for a bridesmaid,  you'd be marrying him. 如果没有那个伴娘 你嫁的会是他而不是我
Do you know how unbelievably glad I am that Joey wasn't there? 你知道我有多高兴乔伊不在那儿吗？
Hey! 嘿！
I'm a man of the cloth but I still have feelings. 虽然我是神职人员 可是我还是有感觉的
There's no way you're doing this wedding now, okay? 现在你不可能替我们证婚
What? That's not fair. It's not my fault. 什么？不公平，不是我的错
I was with my bridesmaid. 我和伴娘在一起
And who's to say I would've said yes? 而且谁说我会答应的？
I mean, I would've said yes. 我是说，我会答应的
You are making way too big a deal out of this. 你把这件事看得太严重了
Everything worked out okay. 最后都很好啊
It's just weird, okay? 只是很奇怪，好吗？
I don't want to be saying my vows with the mental image of you and Monica. 我不要在我立下婚誓时 心里有着你和摩妮卡的影像
I need.. I don't know what I need. I need a walk. 我需要…我不知道我要什么 我要去散步
-Wait, Chandler, it's not a big deal. -It is to me. -等一下，钱德，没有什大不了的 -对我是
You wanted to sleep with Batman and settled for Robin. 你想和蝙蝠侠上床 结果以罗宾打发了
-This is crazy. -No, Robin is so gay. -这太疯狂了 -不，罗宾是同性恋
-So now what have we agreed? -No more pranks. -我们都同意了？ -不再恶作剧
-What else? -You and Daddy were not on a break. -还有呢？ -你和爸爸不是想分开一下
Very good. 很好
Rachel, what are you doing here? 瑞秋，你在这里干什么？
I'm just visiting my good friend Carol. 拜访我的好朋友凯洛
-Your good friend? -Yeah. -你的好朋友？ -对
What's her last name? 她姓什么？
Carol... 凯洛…
-Lesbian. -Nice. -同性恋 -很好
By the way, that line down my face... 还有，我脸上那条线…
The line that prompted a student in my last class of the day to say: 在今天最后一堂课 让一个学生说：
"Dude, don't you ever wash your face?" “老兄，你从来不洗脸吗？”的那条线
I'm sorry I didn't tell you. 好，我很抱歉，对不起没有告诉你
I don't want you teaching my son that stuff anymore. 我不要你再教我儿子那些东西
-Okay? -Fine. Fine. -好吗？ -好，好
Once I taught him that stuff, he called me "fun Aunt Rachel." 我一教他那些东西 他叫我“好玩的瑞秋阿姨”
And I loved being fun Aunt Rachel. 我喜欢做好玩的瑞秋阿姨
I'm glad you guys were bonding but.. 我很高兴你们能建立感情，但…
Look, he doesn't have any siblings. 他没有任何兄弟姐妹
Somebody has to teach him this stuff. 有人得教他这些东西
I haven't taught him anything a normal 6-year-old doesn't know. 我没有教他任何 正常6岁小孩不知道的事
-Crap! -I gotta go. -好烂！ -我要走了
-Hey. -Hey. -嘿 -嘿
You want this scone? It came for me but it would rather sleep with you. 你要这个酥饼吗？是给我的 但它比较想和你睡
Nothing even happened. 什么都没发生
I just don't want you to be upset. 我只不要你生气
How can I not be upset? 我怎么能不生气？
I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman... 我终于和这个很棒的女人坠入爱河…
and it turns out she wanted you first. 而她最初要的是你
Yeah, for like a half an hour one night. 是啊，某一个晚上的半小时
Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life. 钱德，她要和你共渡一生
We look at you and we see you together, and it just... 我们看着你们，看到你们在一起，就是…
it fits, you know? 很般配，你知道吗？
And you just know it's gonna last forever. 你就是知道能持续终生
That's what you should say. 这就是你该讲的
What? 什么？
When you're marrying us, that's what you should say. 当你替我们证婚时，那就是你该说的
Really? I could do it? 真的？我可以替你们证婚吗？
I'd love you to do it. 我希望你替我证婚
Hey. 嘿
But those are the words. Those exact words. 不过那些是你的演讲，一模一样的
Well, I don't remember exactly but... 我不太记得了…
it's pretty much about having and giving and sharing and receiving. 是关于拥有和付出和分享和接受
-So you guys doing okay? -Yeah. -你们两个没事了？ -是啊
We talked and Monica made me see that I overreacted a little bit. 我们谈过了，摩妮卡让我知道我反应过度了
-Some things are more important. -Yeah, baby. -有些事是比较重要的 -是啊，宝贝
I'm really glad you guys are okay, but I just keep thinking... 很高兴你们没事了，但我一直在想…
what would've happened if you two had hooked up. 如果你们两个在一起会是什么样子
Honey, dinner's ready! 亲爱的，晚饭好了！
What's my little chef got for me tonight? 我的小厨师今晚替我做了什么？
-Your favorite. -Ho, ho, ho... 你最喜欢的
fried stuff with cheese. 起司杂炒
And lots of it! 很多很多！
Thanks, sweetheart. 谢谢，甜心
Give me a little sugar... 来亲一个…
Here we go, here we go, here we go. 来，来，来
How you doing? 你还可以吗？
-Hey. -Hey!
I'm sorry to do this again, but could you look after Ben for a bit? 抱歉要再麻烦你一次 你可以替我照顾一下班吗？
I've got this meeting at school... 我在学校有个会要开
and he asked for his fun Aunt Rachel. 他说要找“好玩的”瑞秋阿姨
Well, of course I will watch him. 当然
We have fun, don't we, Ben? 我们会很开心的 是不是，班？
-See you later, pal. -Okay. -好，待会见 -好
（噗）
Wait a minute. Ben, I can't do it. -What? -等一下，班，我不能这么做 -什么？
-You got something on your back. -What? -你背后有东西 -什么？
That's great. That is great. 好，好极了
What did we just finish talking about, Ben? 班，我们才说完什么？
"What did we just finish talking about, Ben?" “班，我们才说完什么？”
That's it! Come here! 好，够了，过来
-You're in big trouble, young man! -No, wait. -年轻人，你麻烦大了！ -不
Ben, come here! I am not kidding! 班，过来，我不是开玩笑的！
You guys, hold it. Seriously.. 你要停止…
Oh, my God! 我的天！