[00:01.462] Hey Pheebs?
[00:02.168] Huh?
[00:02.774] I’m having dinner with my dad tomorrow night, do you wanna come?
[00:05.061] Sure. Yeah, he’s kinda sexy.
[00:08.216] Oh no, no, I’ll be there too.
[00:09.874] Okay so, we’ll just come up with some kind of signal if it’s going well you can take off.
[00:15.507] No Phoebe! I just need you there for support. I haven’t told him I’m pregnant yet.
[00:19.162] Oh. Why not?
[00:20.815] ‘Cause I know he’s gonna flip out and I hate it when he’s angry.
[00:24.288] Oh Rachel, this is all so ‘Papa don’t preach.’
[00:26.946] What Phoebe? Wait!He's a scary guy!
[00:29.004] I mean,one time he caught me smoking he said
[00:30.797] if he ever saw me doingthat again he’d make me eat the entire pack.
[00:34.059] Wow! Oh well, I will be there!
[00:35.996] Thank you.
[00:36.404] Gosh. I’m not gonna let that man make you eat your baby.
[00:42.327] Oh. Hey! Who is that guy?
[00:44.803] I think I know him.
[00:46.315] No you don’t!
[00:46.748] No you don’t.
[00:47.790] Oh my God!!! Monica!! He’s the stripper from your bachelorette party!!
[00:55.135] Her what?!!
[00:58.393] Your secret bachelorette party…
[01:01.557] You had a bachelorette party?!
[01:03.080] She untied his G-string with her teeth.
[01:06.822] Somebody stop me!
[01:09.616] I thought we weren’t gonna have bachelor/bachelorette parties!
[01:12.619] Y’know, we agreed that it was a silly tradition.
[01:14.573] It’s a grand tradition!
[01:17.789] I’m sorry, they surprised me. There was nothing I could do!
[01:21.214] Well you could’ve untied it with your hands.
[01:24.455] This is so unfair!
[01:26.059] The one thing I wanted to do was throw my best friend a bachelorparty,
[01:28.803] but no, I wasn’t allowed to.
[01:30.406] All I got was a stupid steak dinner!
[01:32.007] You went home with the waitress.
[01:35.580] Oh yeah, that was a pretty good night.
[01:38.516] I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!
[01:40.478] You know that the two pillars of marriage are openness and honesty!
[01:44.907] Ugh, I knew giving you that book was gonna come back and bite me in the ass!
[02:27.747] How about I order everyone the Moroccan chicken?
[02:30.427] Oh, I-I don’t eat meat.
[02:32.543] It’s chicken.
[02:34.816] Yeah, I don’t eat that either.
[02:36.466] I’ll never understand you lesbians.
[02:40.575] So baby, tell me…what is new with you.
[02:43.427] Well actually umm…
[02:45.553] Your ’74 Lafite sir.
[02:46.910] ’74?! I ordered the ’75! That’s a magnificent wine! The ’74 is sewage!
[02:52.226] Why would you bring me sewage?!
[02:55.037] Is that a hard question?
[02:56.609] Are you an idiot? Is that why you’re a waiter?
[02:59.422] This is why I told the manager I wouldn’t wait on you tonight!
[03:01.805] Oh come on! Don’t be such a baby!
[03:07.123] In case you didn’t notice, that is a scary man.
[03:11.445] He’s right though, the ’74 is absolute piss.
[03:16.553] This was such a huge mistake.
[03:18.356] I can’t tell him Phoebe. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…
[03:19.658] Rachel!
[03:20.560] No it’s okay, this is what’s gonna happen.
[03:22.002] I’m gonna wait a couple years and then the baby will tell him.
[03:27.199] Why, so he can get mad at the baby?
[03:28.767] Hey, that is the…baby’s problem.
[03:34.880] Oh, everything okay with the waiter?
[03:36.864] I have no idea, I went to the bathroom.
[03:41.881] So sweetie, you were starting to tell me what is uh, what is new with you.
[03:45.974] Well… Umm, I got TiVo.
[03:53.450] What’s TiVo?
[03:54.555] It’s slang for pregnant.
[03:58.109] Phoebe!
[03:59.399] Well,what were you thinking ask me to come?
[04:06.230] Are you really pregnant?
[04:08.031] Well uh, yes and no. Except not no. So to sum it up, yeah.
[04:16.452] Who is the father? Oh no! Please don’t tell me it’s her!
[04:22.030] No, it’s Ross. It’s Ross. You like Ross. (He just shakes his head.)
[04:27.464] Oh daddy, I hope you’re okay with all of this.
[04:29.196] I mean think about it, this is a good thing.
[04:30.862] You’re gonna—This is your first grandchild!
[04:33.166] You’re gonna be a poppy!
[04:35.692] That’s true.
[04:36.312] Yeah.
[04:37.220] (laughs) Poppy.
[04:39.283] (To Phoebe) Oh, I’m gonna be a poppy.
[04:45.136] (Stops laughing) So when is the wedding?
[04:46.469] Who?
[04:48.985] The wedding! There’s going to be a wedding.
[04:52.327] Young lady, don’t you sit there and tell me my first grandchild is going to be a bastard!
[04:58.161] Rachel Karen Green, tell me there is gonna be a wedding!!
[05:00.606] February 2nd!
[05:08.332] So it was really cool seeing you lecture today.
[05:10.796] Oh thanks. Although it kinda seemed like you were falling asleep there a little.
[05:15.604] Oh no-no, I-I had my eyes closed so I could concentrate and y’know take it all in.
[05:20.878] Yeah, a lot of my students do that.
[05:24.336] So, I gotta get going.
[05:25.779] Okay, I-I’ll see you tonight.
[05:26.927] Yeah.
[05:27.365] Okay, bye.
[05:29.180] Oh hey, thanks again for showing me your semi-precious stone collection.
[05:32.836] It was amazing!
[05:37.486] My God! You must be good in bed!
[05:41.307] So uh, you and Mona, been a while now. How’s it going?
[05:44.209] Ah, it’s good. It’s going good.
[05:46.440] I mean, we get along great. She’s, she’s so…
[05:50.021] Hot?
[05:50.779] Well, I was gonna say sweet, but yeah-huh!
[05:54.194] She’s okay with Rachel and the baby?
[05:55.912] Well I…I haven’t actually told her yet. I don’t want to scare her off, y’know?
[06:00.441] Well, you have to honest with her!
[06:02.353] Otherwise you may think that you’re going down the same path,
[06:04.982] but you’re really going down different ones.
[06:07.088] I’m gonna take that book and I gonna beat you to death with it.
[06:12.367] Oh my God! You are gonna love me so much!
[06:15.227] Oh good,cause so far in this marriage I'm just like you a lot.
[06:18.966] I felt really bad about the whole bachelorette party thing,
[06:22.192] so tonight you’re gonna have a bachelor party.
[06:25.082] What?
[06:25.740] Yeah, I got this number from this guy at work and I hired a stripper to come dance for you.
[06:31.096] Am I going in the wife hall of fame or what?!
[06:34.925] Honey! That’s crazy! I don’t want you to get me a stripper…
[06:36.923] Will you let the lady talk?!
[06:40.304] Come on! Come on, it’ll be fun! It’ll make me feel so much better.
[06:43.715] I got you party hats and porn.
[06:48.423] Throw in my father makingout with the magician and it's just like my 14th birthday all over again.
[06:54.471] Look, I appreciate it, but uh, it’s a little creepy.
[06:58.100] Y’know? I’m not a bachelor anymore.
[06:59.863] So don’t think of it as a bachelor party, think of it as a…a two month anniversary present.
[07:04.619] Sure, one year is paper, but two months is lapdance!
[07:09.822] Please! I feel so bad! Just watch the hot woman get naked!
[07:14.674] All right fine! But I’m only doing this for you!
[07:16.475] Yeah!
[07:18.938] And Joey.
[07:21.073] Thank you. All right, now who else do you want to invite?
[07:23.029] Ah, no-no-no just Ross. Ross and Joey is embarrassing enough.
[07:26.326] Uh actually, sorry I can’t even make it. I’m seeing Mona again tonight.
[07:30.090] I understand,who would cancel an actual date to go to a fake bachelor party?
[07:33.681] (on cell phone)I’m sorry I gotta cancel tonight baby…
[07:41.469] I’m sorry I won’t be able to make it to your imaginary wedding, but I’m really busy that day.
[07:46.857] Yeah, I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun bar mitzvah.
[07:54.449] I know. I know. I panicked, I panicked.
[07:56.335] I didn’t want him to start yelling at me like I was some ’74 Latour.
[08:01.159] It’s Lafite. The ’74 Latour is actually drinking quite nicely.
[08:08.454] All right here he comes. I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna tell him, I’m gonna be strong.
[08:12.550] I just called a friend of mine.
[08:13.610] Yeah?
[08:14.874] I think I may be able to book The Plaza on short notice.
[08:19.910] Really?! The Plaza?!! Oh daddy!! (Hugs him and Phoebe glares at her.)
[08:26.970] Right. Daddy,I need to talk to you. Please, sit down.
[08:29.734] What is it sweetie?
[08:32.029] There’s not gonna be a wedding. Ross and I are not getting married.
[08:34.376] What?!
[08:35.273] I’m sorry daddy.
[08:36.140] I don’t believe this!!
[08:37.401] Oh now daddy, stay calm. Please.
[08:39.023] Stay calm?!! How do you expect me to stay calm?! This is unacceptable Rachel!
[08:42.961] And I wanna know why?!!
[08:45.204] Is it because that punk Ross won’t marry you?!
[08:47.611] That’s it! Is that it?!
[08:48.474] Yes. Yes, he says I’m damaged goods.
[09:00.556] So you uh, nervous about getting married?
[09:05.292] What are you doing?
[09:07.413] Look, look let’s pretend it’s a real bachelor party.
[09:09.701] Okay? Y’know? Before your wedding.
[09:10.849] Come on, it’ll be fun.
[09:12.198] Okay. I can’t believe tomorrow’s the big day.
[09:17.123] How does it feel knowing you’re never gonna be with another woman again huh?
[09:20.826] Knowing you’re gonna have to wake up to the same face everyday
[09:25.488] until you finally have the sweet release of death.
[09:30.313] You’re right, this is more fun.
[09:34.639] That’s her! Okay, come on!
[09:40.694] Hi!-Hi.
[09:45.952] So which one of you lucky boys is Chandler?
[09:48.178] Uh, that-that’s-that’s me!
[09:51.370] That’s me.
[09:53.716] Joey Tribbiani, a big fan.
[09:58.154] So is that a bedroom?
[09:59.230] Yeah, yeah right over there.
[10:00.640] All right, whenever you’re ready. (She goes into the bedroom.)
[10:04.980] That was weird.
[10:07.136] Why-why would she go in the bedroom?
[10:08.449] I’m waiting.
[10:09.842] (They both slowly enter the bedroom and quickly walk back out.)
[10:19.541] So she’s a…
[10:20.095] Yeah, that’s one naked hooker!
[10:24.829] I love your place! Where is this guy from?
[10:28.749] Uh that’s an eighteenth century Indian artifact from Calcutta.
[10:32.213] Oh wow! So, you’re more than just dinosaurs.
[10:38.806] So much more.
[10:40.370] (They start making out and she kicks the eighteenth century Indian artifact from Calcutta off
[10:44.641] of his apothecary table from the days of yore and the magical city of White Plains.)
[10:46.683] Oh my God! Oh my God! I’m so sorry!
[10:48.867] Aw forget it, it’s from Pier One.
[10:55.750] Sorry.
[11:00.743] You think you can knock up my daughter and then not marry her?!
[11:04.272] I’m gonna kill you!!
[11:08.809] Y’know this is actually not a great time for me.
[11:15.081] So? Come on! Explain yourself Geller! First you get my Rachel pregnant!
[11:20.433] You got Rachel pregnant?!
[11:21.638] Who did?!
[11:21.957] You did!
[11:22.952] Yes. Yes, yes I did. (To Mona) But-but it was, it was just a one night thing.
[11:28.028] It meant nothing.
[11:29.118] Oh? Really? That’s what my daughter means to you? Nothing?
[11:32.794] No! No sir umm, she means a lot to me. I mean, I care—I-I love Rachel.
[11:36.887] What?!
[11:37.277] (to Mona) Oh but not that way. I mean…I mean I’m not in love with her.
[11:41.518] I love her like a, like a friend.
[11:42.647] Oh really? That’s how treat a friend?
[11:43.922] You get her in trouble and then refuse to marry her?
[11:46.034] Hey! I offered to marry her!
[11:47.828] Wh…
[11:48.126] But I didn’t want to.
[11:51.977] Well why not? So you can spend your time with this tramp?!
[11:55.014] Tramp?!
[11:56.130] I’m sorry. Dr. Green, Mona. Mona, Dr. Green.
[12:01.554] I can’t believe there is a naked hooker in there!
[12:04.222] Wait! Wait! Maybe she’s a hooker and a stripper,
[12:07.708] but she got confused about what she’s supposed to do.
[12:11.437] Could be. I mean technically she did strip, we just, we just missed it.
[12:16.291] (Walks towards the bedroom.)
[12:18.571] Ma’am, are you also a stripper?
[12:23.077] Uh, no. But I could pretend to strip, but that’s gonna cost extra.
[12:27.179] Okay, here’s the extras, handcuffs, spanking…
[12:32.391] Maybe Monica’s playing a joke on ya.
[12:34.675] Y’know? Getting her own husband a hooker,that’s pretty funny.
[12:39.253] That is funny, maybe for my birthday she’ll murder someone.
[12:43.583] I bet Ross was in on it too. I mean he was conveniently busy.
[12:48.786] Do you mind if I smoke in here?
[12:50.129] Oh actually, I’d rather you…Yeah, go ahead.
[12:54.038] We’re gonna have to burn that room down anyway.
[12:57.880] How could you have kept all of this from me?
[13:00.068] I was going to tell you, but…
[13:01.729] But what?!
[13:02.815] You figured you’d get what you wanted and then dump her like you dumped Rachel!
[13:05.472] Hey! I did not dump Rachel! (To Mona) Nor are we still together.
[13:13.449] Can I just… (Dr. Green glares at him.)
[13:16.382] Why don’t we just let the machine get that?
[13:19.817] Hey Ross. It’s Joey.
[13:21.500] There’s a hooker over here and we thought maybe you’d know something about it.
[13:25.853] No! No! No! No! No! I-I-I-I—I need to, I need to lie down.
[13:36.511] Hey,guys,can I talk to you for a minute?
[13:38.433] Listen,again,I want to urge you to push the duck special,
[13:41.660] because if they don't eat the duck,you're going to,and it's not very good.
[13:46.862] So, tonight’s the night of the big bachelor party?
[13:49.323] Yeah! Hey! Thanks for getting me that girl’s number.
[13:51.101] No problem. So who’s the party for?
[13:53.523] My husband.
[13:54.748] You hired your husband a hooker?
[13:57.493] She’s a stripper.
[13:58.235] No, she’s a hooker.
[14:00.061] Is that, is that what they call strippers sometimes?
[14:02.607] When they’re hookers.
[14:04.639] Oh my God Stu! I-I can’t believe you did this!
[14:07.628] Now are you absolutely sure she’s a hooker?
[14:09.478] Either that or she’s just the best, most expensive date I ever had.
[14:17.361] Maybe she meant to get you a hooker.
[14:21.206] Why would she do that?
[14:22.388] Maybe she wants you to learn something. Huh?
[14:27.527] Now is there anything you’re really bad at y’know, sexually?
[14:32.123] This is the worst bachelor party ever!
[14:35.777] What’s taking you boys so long?
[14:37.432] In a minute!
[14:39.397] In a minute? What’s gonna happen in a minute?!
[14:42.523] All right, all right maybe-maybe you should just ask her to leave.
[14:44.908] Why me?!
[14:45.750] Hey! It’s your bachelor party.
[14:47.380] Which is why you should do it.
[14:49.181] I don’t want to. You do it!
[14:50.434] You do it!
[14:50.940] You do it!
[14:51.760] All right Rock, Paper, Scissors who has to tell the whore to leave! (Joey smirks.)
[14:58.996] What?
[15:00.956] I miss this.
[15:02.224] I don’t think we’ve actually done this before!
[15:05.132] No, I-I miss hanging out with you.
[15:08.233] Well we…we still hang out.
[15:09.932] Not like we used to. Remember?
[15:12.002] You and me used to be inseparable.
[15:14.633] Y’know now it’s like…things are different.
[15:19.417] Well y’know, things are different. I’m…I’m married now.
[15:23.680] Oh sure—And hey, don’t get me wrong, I am so happy for you guys.
[15:26.917] I just…I miss…hanging out…just-just us, y’know?
[15:33.092] Yeah, I miss that too. I tell you what,
[15:35.907] from now on we’ll make time to hang out with each other.
[15:38.530] You got it. Come here. (They hug and are observed by the hooker.)
[15:43.888] Oh God! Listen, I am this close to robbing you guys.
[15:50.239] She’s a hooker! She’s a hooker! She’s a… (Stops as she sees her.)
[15:54.392] Hi! Uh, we spoke on the phone. (Goes and shakes the hooker’s hand.)
[16:02.197] So your dad dropped by. He’s a pleasant man!
[16:08.006] Oh no…
[16:08.686] I’d better go.
[16:10.165] (She goes and sits down in the La-Z-Boy E-cliner 3000, the chair that Sit magazine called chair of the year, and they both look at her.)
[16:16.394] Just over here,I don’t want to miss the fight.
[16:20.156] Ross I’m so sorry.
[16:21.555] Okay. I-I will promise I will straighten this out with him tomorrow in person, or via e-mail.
[16:28.080] I don’t care about your dad!
[16:29.594] I care about Mona!
[16:30.780] She was there and now she’s totally freaked out!
[16:32.840] Oh okay, I’ll fix that to. What’s her e-mail address?
[16:35.217] Rachel!
[16:37.013] All right, I promise. I’ll fix this. I swear.
[16:38.786] I’ll-I’ll-I’ll-I’ll talk to her.
[16:40.293] Okay!
[16:40.754] Okay.
[16:41.253] Thank you!
[16:43.027] That’s it?! You call that a fight? Come on!
[16:46.613] "We were on a break!" "No we weren’t!"
[16:48.199] What happened to you two?!
[16:57.075] Thank you so much for coming back over.
[17:01.107] Oh good, you’re here.
[17:03.138] Yeah, and I was worried that it was going to be uncomfortable.
[17:07.038] I know Mona, just hear me out.
[17:09.149] First of all, I’m so sorry about my father yelling at you,
[17:12.891] but I heard you totally held your own.
[17:14.573] You’re gonna have to tell me how you did that.
[17:16.664] Focus.
[17:17.387] Okay. Um…But—Okay, yes Ross and I used to date.
[17:22.133] And yes we are gonna have a baby.
[17:25.668] But we are definitely not getting back together.
[17:29.538] How can I be sure on that?
[17:31.020] Oh we just—we drove each other crazy!
[17:33.012] Yeah.
[17:33.646] I mean he was possessive, he was jealous,
[17:35.778] he could never just let the little things go!
[17:39.486] Trying to date this woman.
[17:40.398] Right! But, none of that compared to how kind
[17:44.607] and-and how gentle and thoughtful he is. (Rubbing his shoulder.)
[17:48.678] Probably shouldn’t touch me.
[17:51.151] Y’know, I-I-I just…I don’t want to get in the middle of something so complicated.
[17:54.936] I know, I get it, but Mona, what relationship is not complicated?
[17:58.857] I mean we all have our baggage! You must too!
[18:01.747] Why else would you still be single?
[18:04.977] I am so gonna leave right now.
[18:10.523] Should I leave this open for you too?
[18:13.271] I’m not sure yet. Why didn’t you just tell me about all this?
[18:16.739] Because what’s going on with Rachel has nothing to do with how I feel about you.
[18:20.187] Yeah? Well you still shoulda told me.
[18:21.611] I know and I was going to, but I thought it was better that you heard it from Rachel’s father.
[18:30.202] Look I…I made a mistake, but it’s only because I really, really like you. Really!
[18:37.467] Okay, I guess you can…close the door now. (He does so and they kiss.)
[18:51.960] Forgot my purse! (Sees them kissing.)
[18:54.942] Oh, you guys made up. (To Mona)
[18:58.768] He’s a good kisser isn’t he? (Ross goes to close the door on her.)
[19:00.448] I’m going! (Quickly leaves and Ross locks the door.)
[19:07.450] I swear I didn’t know she was a hooker! I mean wh—Did you let her smoke in here?
[19:13.620] Her ass print is still on your grandmother’s quilt, do you really want to talk about smoking?
[19:19.878] Y’know what? I’m gonna make this up to you.
[19:22.666] I promised you a stripper (turns on the radio),
[19:26.320] and you’re gonna get a stripper. (She starts to strip.)
[19:31.201] Monica! Wait!
[19:32.276] What?
[19:33.899] (puts on his crown) Carry on.
[19:35.810] (She does so by taking off her jacket seductively,
[19:39.135] only she has trouble getting one hand out and slams the jacket on the chair angrily to remove it.)
[19:51.399] Ooh, these tennis shoes are so tight. I think I’ll take them off.
[19:57.563] Could you not narrate?
[20:01.036] Gotcha sailor.
[20:11.519] (on phone) …just because you’re not in love with the guy you can’t…
[20:16.291] Wow, you told your dad the truth.
[20:17.716] About an hour ago.
[20:20.434] Wanna go see a movie?
[20:21.459] Yes! (She gets up and sets the phone on the counter without hanging it up.)
[20:25.558] Bye daddy. (Phoebe and her leave.)
[20:28.429] (on phone, not hearing her) …there’s gonna be a wedding!
[20:30.529] (Joey enters from his room and goes to get a beer from the fridge.)
[20:33.300] That’s unacceptable Rachel!
[20:35.257] What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?!
[20:36.327] There are more important things in a marriage other than love!
[20:38.256] (Joey hears something and looks around for the source.)
[20:40.755] …constantly thinking about things!
[20:41.806] You have to think about the consequences of your decision.
[20:46.764] (Joey finds that the sound is coming from the phone and puts it to his ear.)
[20:48.929] (on phone) Hey! I do too think about the consequences of my decisions!
[20:54.304] What gives you the right to…
[20:56.864] Go to hell! (Hangs up the phone and opens the fridge.)
[21:02.195] Stupid guy on my phone.