[00:02.33]You said you'd marry Joey?
[00:04.93]Okay, you have to realize, I was exhausted, I was emotional.
[00:08.47]I would have said yes to anybody.
[00:10.34]Like that time when you and I got married.
[00:15.34]I'm not helping.
[00:17.68]So you said yes to him, and you just had our baby?
[00:22.35]That is right. And traditionally, the daddy gives the mommy a present.
[00:26.52]But I am prepared to let that go.
[00:29.79]So when I came here to see if you wanted to maybe start things up again..
[00:33.80]you were engaged to my best friend?
[00:37.37]Well..
[00:38.90]Really?
[00:40.77]I thought Chandler was your best friend.
[00:43.54]Well, Chandler's my oldest friend. Joey's my.. No!
[00:49.54]Hey, I'm gonna take off. I just wanted to say goodbye.
[00:52.38]Rachel said she'd marry you?
[00:55.32]This isn't the right room. Sorry, folks.
[01:00.02]The One Where Emma Cries
[01:52.34]I don't want to be negative. So I'll say most of the signs you bought are good.
[01:58.25]No, they ran out of "It's a Girl!" But I can fix this one. “
[02:06.45]
[02:08.06]See? Huh?
[02:12.79]So sexy.
[02:15.46]- Honey? - Yeah?
[02:19.63]- Honey, why don't you lie down? - It's okay. -
[02:21.77]Ross and Rachel will be back soon, and then I gotta go to the office.
[02:29.81]Am I producing them?
[02:33.11]- Why are you so tired? - I couldn't sleep last night. -
[02:35.88]I started worrying about this big divisional meeting I have today.
[02:39.09]The more I worried, the more I couldn't sleep.
[02:41.59]You know, and then I was, like, "If I fall asleep now, I'll get six hours' sleep.
[02:45.66]But if I fall asleep now, I'll get five hours' sleep."
[02:49.03]No matter what I did, I couldn't fall asleep.
[02:51.53]You know what you should've done? Told yourself that little story.
[02:53.90]
[02:57.67]- Hi. - Hey
[02:59.14]- Welcome home. - Hi. -
[03:00.78]Phoebe did the signs.
[03:03.14]You guys, thanks for doing this.
[03:07.05]Look at all that stuff people sent.
[03:10.29]Oh, my gosh. Look, there's something every mother needs.
[03:13.52]A giant, stuffed gorilla that takes up the entire apartment.
[03:18.13]What are people think..? You guys, I love it.
[03:24.87]Hey, so where's Ross?
[03:26.80]He's downstairs getting the stuff out of the cab.
[03:29.30]- Is he still mad at us? - Well, you more than me. -
[03:32.07]But he can't stay too mad at me. I mean, I just had his baby.
[03:35.31]That's not fair. I can't do that.
[03:38.48]I'm not sure you should be here when he comes up.
[03:40.98]I didn't think I should be here either. But somebody said he'd be over it.
[03:45.25]Hey, what do I know? I wanted to get a bigger gorilla.
[03:54.13]The numbers we're seeing in Chicago, New York and London are solid.
[03:57.97]But many of our field offices have reported disappointing yields.
[04:08.24]Boston is down. Atlanta is down. Houston is down.
[04:11.08]I could go on and on. But instead of boring you..
[04:14.05]I'll go straight to my 42-point plan.
[04:27.56]Walter.
[04:31.17]She's just so cute.
[04:33.70]I just want to bite her ear off and use it as a sucking candy.
[04:39.41]Phoebe.
[04:40.98]But I could take one of those little feet and put it in a pita pocket.
[04:46.18]- Okay. I put most of the stuff away. - Oh, great. The pacifiers? -
[04:49.78]- It's in the cupboard. - The burping cloths? -
[04:53.05]- Linen closet. - The diapers?
[04:56.06]In the hospital.
[04:59.19]- Wow, you guys got a hospital? Fancy. - No, I left the diapers at the hospital. -
[05:04.27]There's some in the bag, but I'll run out and get some more.
[05:07.20]All right, thanks.
[05:08.60]Could you stop at the coffeehouse and get me a muffin?
[05:11.07]- Sure. What kind? - Let me think. -
[05:14.61]What do I want?
[05:17.55]What do I want?
[05:20.32]Please, take your time. It's an important decision, not like..
[05:23.42]say, I don't know, deciding to marry someone. This is about a muffin.
[05:30.93]- Blueberry. - Blueberry it is. -
[05:33.03]Thank you.
[05:36.16]Wow, he's not letting this go, is he?
[05:38.33]God, how long do you think that's gonna last?
[05:40.84]I don't know. He got over the "We were on a break" thing quickly.
[05:46.07]You know what, I can't worry about it right now.
[05:48.64]Because I've got the cutie little baby.
[05:53.15]I can't believe how much I love her. I mean, I can't get enough of her.
[05:57.42]Like, right now? I miss her. I actually miss her.
[06:00.82]You know, that's her?
[06:04.86]I know. I know, but she's sleeping.
[06:07.96]It's not like when she's awake and I can see her stretch and wiggle.
[06:12.07]Oh, my God, have you seen her yawn?
[06:14.00]- It's so cute. - I know. -
[06:18.07]When do you think she's gonna wake up?
[06:20.07]She told me to ring her if she's not up by 11.
[06:22.71]She has a job interview.
[06:29.25]Okay, but the clouds part when she yawns.
[06:34.39]God, look at her sleeping. I love her so much.
[06:38.99]- I think I'm gonna wake her up. - Rach, no. -
[06:41.16]You know, you're never supposed to wake a sleeping baby.
[06:44.30]Well, I can do whatever I want. I made her.
[06:48.24]Come on, little girl. Yes. Hello, Emma. Hello. Hi.
[06:58.01]Well, I would say I told you so, but she's kind of doing that for me.
[07:02.85]I'm sorry. Mommy's so sorry. Go back to sleep.
[07:06.15]Go back to sleep.
[07:08.72]- It breaks your heart, doesn't it? - It really does. -
[07:13.39]How long do you think we have to stay?
[07:18.07]Okay, if everyone's onboard, it's settled.
[07:20.64]Chandler?
[07:28.94]- Chandler? - Yeah.
[07:30.28]Are you onboard?
[07:33.41]Yes.
[07:35.78]Well, then problem solved. Chandler will run our office in Tulsa.
[07:39.45]You're gonna love Oklahoma.
[07:45.69]All right. We already tried feeding her, changing her, burping her..
[07:49.63]Try this one. "Go back in time and listen to Phoebe."
[07:55.87]- All right, here's something. - What?
[07:57.81]It says to try holding the baby close to your body..
[08:00.37]and then swing her rapidly from side to side.
[08:04.05]Okay.
[08:14.19]It worked!
[08:17.66]No. Just stopped to throw up a little bit.
[08:22.33]Mon, what am I gonna do?
[08:23.87]It's been hours, and it won't stop crying.
[08:28.67]- She, Rach. Not it. She. - Yeah. I'm not so sure. -
[08:34.18]- Oh, my God, I'm losing my mind. - Yeah, no kidding. -
[08:37.38]All right, this just proves no good can come from having sex with Ross!
[08:46.15]Hey, Gunther. Can I get a couple of blueberry muffins to go?
[08:50.53]- Diapers, huh? - Yep
[08:52.73]So I guess Rachel had your baby?
[08:55.36]- Yep. Can you believe it? - Nope
[08:59.23]I can't even believe she slept with you in the first place.
[09:05.41]You mean, like..
[09:15.05]Hey.
[09:18.79]I know you're pissed at me, but we have to talk about this.
[09:21.82]Actually, we don't.
[09:25.06]Fine. Okay. But I gotta say, technically, I didn't even do anything wrong.
[09:30.57]What? You didn't do anything wrong?
[09:33.90]- I said I didn't technically. - Okay. -
[09:37.74]Let's put aside the fact that you "accidentally"..
[09:40.21]picked up my grandmother's ring and you "accidentally" proposed to Rachel.
[09:44.95]Can I just stop you there for a second?
[09:47.08]When people do this:
[09:48.65]I don't really know what that means.
[09:56.79]You were saying?
[09:58.26]And I could even understand that you couldn't tell Rachel.
[10:02.13]But why couldn't you tell me? You had all day to, and you didn't.
[10:06.37]I know. I should've. "I'm sorry."
[10:15.98]Not using it right, Joe.
[10:19.15]"I'm sorry." “
[10:24.29]- I'm gonna go. - No, come on. -
[10:25.82]- Ross, we have to get past this. - Give me the bag. -
[10:28.16]No, I don't know what else to do. I said I'm sorry, now..
[10:31.53]Now you should scream at me or curse me or hit me.
[10:34.70]- I'm not gonna hit you. - You'll feel better. I'll feel better. -
[10:37.97]You know you want to, I can see it in your eyes.
[10:41.84]- I don't. - A little bit. -
[10:43.27]- No. - Little bit. -
[10:46.31]- No. - A little bit more. -
[10:48.68]- Give me the bag. Give me the bag. - No, hit me. Hit me. -
[10:51.48]- Give me the bag. I'm not kidding. - Hit me. -
[10:53.78]- No. - Hit me. Hit me. Hit me!
[11:08.10]- You ducked! - I'm sorry! It was a reflex! -
[11:11.67]- Oh, my God! This really hurts! - I couldn't help it.
[11:15.27]When a fist comes at your face, you duck. Look.
[11:21.24]What is the matter with you?
[11:23.98]You were supposed to duck! Why didn't you?
[11:26.25]Let's talk on the way to the hospital.
[11:28.42]Good. Yeah, maybe while we're there, they can check your reflexes.
[11:47.77]- Try feeding her again. - I already fed her. -
[11:50.94]I know. That's why I said, "Again!"
[11:54.78]You guys, we can't turn on each other, okay?
[11:57.21]That's just what she wants.
[12:00.21]- Hi. - Hey.
[12:02.32]I told you you shouldn't have let her watch Terms of Endearment.
[12:06.19]- Can I talk to you outside? - Just stay here. -
[12:08.96]I'm gonna check her diaper. Phoebe, you want to come?
[12:11.53]I'm kind of part of this.
[12:16.66]Actually, it's a husband-and-wife kind of thing.
[12:19.20]I knew I should've married Chandler.
[12:23.40]- Okay, what's up? - Okay.
[12:26.31]You know we said it would be fun to move to Paris for a year?
[12:29.24]And you could study French cooking, and I could write..
[12:32.08]and we could picnic along the Seine, and go wine-tasting in Bordeaux.
[12:36.55]- Yeah. - Okay.
[12:38.85]You know how people say that Tulsa..
[12:43.86]is the Paris of Oklahoma?
[12:48.56]What? Who says that?
[12:51.13]People who have never been to Paris?
[12:54.54]- Well, what's going on? - We're moving to Tulsa. -
[13:01.44]- Excuse me? - Okay.
[13:03.94]Ms. McKenna, she kind of works above my boss.
[13:06.91]- I think you actually met her. - Don't care. Get back to Tulsa. -
[13:10.15]She asked me to move to Tulsa and be president of our office there.
[13:13.92]And I was sleeping and apparently said yes.
[13:17.36]- Tulsa, Oklahoma? - The Sooner State. -
[13:22.43]Whatever that is.
[13:24.60]Chandler, I don't even want to see the musical Oklahoma.
[13:27.97]"Oh, What a Beautiful Morning, " "Surrey With the Fringe on Top"?
[13:31.01]Are you trying to tell me we're moving to Oklahoma or that you're gay?
[13:38.25]I don't think I can get out of this.
[13:40.31]- Oh, my God! - But you don't know..
[13:42.82]it could be like Paris. You can still take a cooking class..
[13:45.82]at Oral Roberts University.
[13:49.36]All right, not that this matters, but did they at least offer you a huge raise?
[13:53.33]No. But they are going to lease us a Ford Focus.
[13:59.43]- I'll get out of it. - Thank you. -
[14:02.80]- What is wrong with Emma? - She misunderstood. -
[14:04.84]She thought she was moving to Tulsa.
[14:11.58]Ma'am, do you have a minute?
[14:14.38]I kind of have some bad news. I don't think I can move to Tulsa.
[14:19.29]- What? - It's a funny story, actually. -
[14:24.73]I kind of fell asleep in the meeting this morning.
[14:28.30]So when I said I'd move to Tulsa, I didn't really know what I was saying.
[14:32.03]You fell asleep?
[14:33.40]But only because I was up all night worried about this meeting.
[14:36.24]Isn't that funny?
[14:39.51]Irony. Not a fan? All right.
[14:44.11]See, here's the thing.
[14:45.65]I went home and told my wife about Tulsa, and she won't go.
[14:49.28]See me, I love Tulsa. Tulsa is heaven. Tulsa is ltaly.
[14:53.32]Please don't make me go there.
[14:55.59]- Chandler, I.. - I know that you're upset.
[14:58.73]but I just.. I would really rather just stay here.
[15:04.06]Not here in your office..
[15:06.13]here at the company..
[15:08.14]where I'm rapidly feeling unwelcome.
[15:12.07]No, look, Carol. Can I call you Carol?
[15:17.21]Why would I when your name is Elaine?
[15:24.79]What a great picture of your son. Strapping.
[15:29.39]That's a picture of your daughter, isn't it?
[15:32.66]Well, she's lovely. I like a girl with a strong jaw.
[15:39.03]I'll call you from Tulsa.
[15:45.77]Hey. So how is it?
[15:48.48]- I broke my thumb. - Your thumb? -
[15:54.92]That's weird. Are you sure you're punching right?
[15:57.82]Make a fist.
[16:01.16]Maybe later.
[16:03.32]Ross, I feel terrible.
[16:05.23]You know what, you can go. I just have to fill out some forms.
[16:14.44]You want me to help you with that?
[16:16.47]Why, does it look like I'm having trouble with my misshapen claw?
[16:23.71]Name?
[16:27.18]No, I know Ross. But what's it short for?
[16:30.22]You know, like Rossell.
[16:32.89]Or Rosstrophor.
[16:37.02]Just Ross.
[16:40.19]It's pretty.
[16:42.90]- Okay, date of birth? - You know my birthday. -
[16:46.40]Sure.
[16:48.90]May.. tember?
[16:53.37]- October 18. - Occupation? Dinosaurs. -
[17:00.11]Actually, I'm a paleon.. Dinosaurs is fine.
[17:06.05]The drawing is not.
[17:12.39]All right, who do you want as your emergency contact?
[17:16.73]- Rachel, I guess. - Okay. Relationship? -
[17:20.20]Boy, this could take a while.
[17:26.27]- Just put roommate. - Come on. -
[17:28.58]You guys are more than that. You're gonna get together, right?
[17:32.28]I don't think that we are.
[17:36.38]But you two are supposed to be together.
[17:38.75]Well, I thought so too. But then she said she'd marry you.
[17:42.32]Come on, Ross, that didn't mean anything.
[17:44.79]She'd just had the baby. She was freaked out about doing it alone.
[17:47.83]- She would have said yes to anybody. - Yeah, that's what she said. -
[17:52.07]- So? - So I don't want to be just anybody. -
[17:58.64]- Wow. - You know what?
[18:00.34]It's better this way anyway.
[18:04.75]I don't know what I was thinking, going down that road again with us.
[18:07.82]It's just much easier if we're just friends who have a kid.
[18:13.69]- Really? - Yeah.
[18:16.12]- And you're okay with that? - Yes. That's what we always planned. -
[18:20.03]And if you have a plan, you should stick to it.
[18:22.76]That's why they call them plans. Hello?
[18:28.70]I'm fine.
[18:31.34]Hey, for what it's worth..
[18:33.27]with Rachel, I don't think you'll ever be just "anybody."
[18:38.05]Hey, there you go.
[18:42.52]"Thanks.
[18:49.72]Oh, my God. How long has she been crying?
[18:53.36]About a week and a half.
[18:56.03]Well, it looks like you guys got it under control, so I'm just gonna go.
[19:01.87]No? Really? Misery really does love company?
[19:05.31]All right.
[19:08.38]- Try holding her a different way. - Look, I'm doing the best I can. -
[19:12.18]- Anyone else is welcome to try. - All right, I'll try. Fine. -
[19:15.52]- Yes. Okay. Okay. - Here you go.
[19:18.02]Hey. Oh, gosh.
[19:20.89]Nothing works with this child!
[19:24.22]God, what am I gonna do, you guys? I can't even comfort my own baby.
[19:28.33]- I'm the worst mother ever. - No, you're just new at this. -
[19:31.20]You'll get better. Think about your first day at work.
[19:34.60]That couldn't have been easy, but you figured that out.
[19:37.34]Yeah, I don't think dressing provocatively is going to help me here!
[19:42.24]- God, just please take her. - Okay, I'll take her. Come on. -
[19:46.05]Oh, boy, I have to go to the bathroom.
[19:49.15]I have to go scream into a pillow.
[19:55.86]Bouncy. Bouncy baby. Bouncy baby.
[20:00.13]Oh, baby, baby. Oh, baby, baby.
[20:05.13]Oh, baby, baby, baby.
[20:10.17]Have I gone deaf?
[20:14.81]It worked. Oh, baby, baby, baby. Oh, baby, baby, baby.
[20:20.98]You must be a fireball in bed!
[20:25.32]I can't believe it. She's asleep. I got her to go to sleep.
[20:31.29]I have actual magical powers.
[20:35.66]I can hear traffic and birds.
[20:38.33]I can hear the voices in my head again.
[20:42.97]I'm kidding.
[20:47.98]Oh, my God! You got her to stop crying!
[20:52.01]Yes, I did. I'm Monica, super aunt.
[20:56.65]- You are the official baby-crier stopper. - Yes, I am. -
[21:01.49]- You're never leaving the apartment. - Say what? -
[21:05.23]That's your new job, day or night. She starts crying, I need you here.
[21:09.73]- No, no, no. - Thankfully, you don't need me at all. -
[21:13.63]So okay. Hey, super aunt? See you later.
[21:17.94]Rachel? Let's give it six to eight months.
[21:30.45]Okay, so listen, I'm gonna go lay down.
[21:34.05]What?
[21:35.32]The book says whenever she's sleeping, I should be sleeping.
[21:38.39]So..
[21:41.70]Thank you.
[21:46.47]Hey.
[21:48.50]- We just got her to go to sleep. - So there can't be any yelling? -
[21:54.78]No.
[21:59.58]- We're moving to Tulsa. - What? -
[22:05.85]I can't.. I can't hear.
[22:14.53]- Hey. - Hey. Where have you been?
[22:20.57]- What happened to you? - I had a little thing with Joey. -
[22:24.27]If you think this is bad, you should see him.
[22:28.04]No, Ross, this is not good.
[22:30.54]We have to talk about this Joey thing. Please sit.
[22:38.09]All right, you have got to get over this Joey thing.
[22:42.22]Okay? I never really wanted to marry Joey, okay?
[22:49.16]Okay.
[22:52.10]You know what I really, really want?
[22:56.90]What, Rach?
[23:00.07]I wanna sleep.
[23:03.64]I wanna eat. I wanna take a shower.
[23:09.25]I mean, before she wakes up, and we gotta do this all over again.
[23:13.59]- Right. - I mean, because I got news for you. -
[23:17.02]Emma: not easy.
[23:21.09]Well, that's what I'm here for.
[23:28.20]- You want me to get that? - No, that's really okay. -
[23:31.44]- Monica? - Got it, got it, got it, got it.
[23:45.45]I've been thinking about this. And I gotta tell you, it's not my fault.
[23:49.29]- It's a natural instinct. - What are you talking about? -
[23:52.13]Okay, what would you do if I did this?