[00:01.66]Oh, hey, you guys?
[00:03.06]I couldn't get a reservation for the night of my birthday..
[00:06.07]so we'll have to do dinner Thursday night.
[00:08.40]- Thursday? But that's Halloween. - So? -
[00:13.71]It's just spooky, that's all.
[00:16.81]So, is Mike coming to dinner?
[00:18.78]No. It's my first birthday with a boyfriend, and he has to work.
[00:22.72]I'd get mad at him, but I think it's too soon to show my true colors.
[00:28.49]I would make the reservation for five. One of us has to stay with Emma.
[00:32.16]- Which one of us should go to dinner? - Rachel! -
[00:36.63]Actually, I was thinking maybe both of us could go.
[00:40.87]Oh. Yeah.
[00:43.74]Thanks. I'll put a lot of extra thought into your gift.
[00:47.91]All right, so great, we can all go now.
[00:50.28]That is fun! Hey! You know what?
[00:52.91]We all haven't been together, the six of us, in such a long time.
[00:56.82]What are you talking about? We're together now.
[00:59.25]Mon? Chandler's not here.
[01:05.53]Oh, dear God.
[01:08.60]The One With Phoebe's Birthday Dinner
[01:54.31]
[01:56.31]Hello. It's nice to see our team together for the first time.
[01:59.45]Now, before we get started, are there any questions?
[02:03.05]- Yes. Ken, is it? - That's right.
[02:04.95]Is it true the reason you're in Tulsa is, you fell asleep in a meeting..
[02:08.49]and took the job without realizing what you were saying yes to?
[02:13.50]Well, don't believe everything you hear, Ken.
[02:16.73]But yeah, that's true.
[02:19.67]All right, let's get started by taking a look at last quarter's figures.
[02:26.17]Claudia, aren't you supposed to blow smoke up the boss's ass?
[02:31.21]- I'm sorry. Does the smoke bother you? - No. I smoked for years. Then I quit. -
[02:37.22]Right now, I can't remember why.
[02:40.32]You're not allowed to smoke in this office, right?
[02:42.86]Yes, in Oklahoma it's legal to smoke in offices with 15 people or less.
[02:46.59]- Would you like one? - Would Joey like two pizzas? -
[02:52.60]You don't know what I'm talking about.
[02:55.34]All right, look. I don't smoke anymore.
[02:57.44]But if the rest of you want to light up, go ahead, it's fine.
[03:04.15]So, you all smoke, then?
[03:06.65]You know, it's almost rude that I'm not smoking.
[03:09.95]- That's not true. If you don't want.. - Ken, please!
[03:15.62]No, I can't. I can't smoke. If I smoke, my wife would kill me.
[03:18.93]I'm sorry, but isn't your wife back in New York?
[03:23.23]I've always liked you, Ken.
[03:31.54]Trick or treat.
[03:35.84]- Hey. - And "treat" it is.
[03:40.48]Wow. So glad I changed.
[03:43.32]I almost wore my threadbare robe that can't contain my breasts.
[03:49.36]This is not what I'm wearing. I'm ovulating..
[03:51.63]and Chandler's gonna be home. So, I thought we would try before dinner.
[03:56.50]Oh, I thought we'd all go over together.
[03:58.43]All right, I'll just meet you there at dinner.
[04:01.17]Unless, I mean, if it helps, I could stay and watch.
[04:07.28]- No! - Well, I didn't want to anyway. -
[04:09.84]You know, just thought I'd be polite and offer.
[04:15.28]Wait, does this mean you'll be late?
[04:17.19]We haven't seen each other in over a week.
[04:19.25]We'll probably be the first ones there.
[04:22.19]Okay. See you there. Happy humping.
[04:26.49]Hey. Well, hey!
[04:28.36]Wow, somebody smoked out here?
[04:33.64]My God, don't people know you're not allowed to smoke in public spaces?
[04:37.37]Actually, in Oklahoma smoking's legal in offices with fewer than 15 people.
[04:43.71]Oh, you smoked.
[04:45.71]No. I just happen to know a lot of trivia about smoking in different states.
[04:50.62]For example, in Hawaii, cigarettes are called lei-lana-lukus.
[04:56.59]- Oh, Chandler, you stink of cigarettes! - Do you think Monica will smell it? -
[05:01.33]Are you kidding? That woman has the nose of a bloodhound.
[05:05.03]And the breasts of a Greek goddess.
[05:11.84]
[05:14.64]I'm gonna go.
[05:20.45]Okay. Something to cover the smell.
[05:27.16]Oven cleaner.
[05:34.10]Unscented.
[05:38.20]Welcome home.
[05:41.50]I've missed you.
[05:43.87]- You want to join me in the bedroom? - No, thanks, I'm good. -
[05:48.94]Okay. So you want to play it that way, do you?
[05:53.65]Well, you know what, actually, I just got off a plane..
[05:56.45]so I'm feeling gross. I should take a shower.
[05:58.95]- Come here, you don't need a shower. - All right, the truth is.. -
[06:02.86]I soiled myself during some turbulence.
[06:09.60]What do I smell? I smell smoke.
[06:12.97]Did you smoke?
[06:15.30]Yes. But I just had one.
[06:18.34]Two.
[06:19.97]Two tiny cigarettes. Okay, five.
[06:24.41]A pack. Two pack.. A carton.
[06:28.48]Three big fat cartons in two days!
[06:32.75]But it's over. I've made a decision, I'm not gonna smoke anymore.
[06:40.13]Well, those are for you.
[06:43.93]All right. Well, we'll just see you when you get here. Bye.
[06:48.20]Oh, that was my mom. She's stuck in terrible traffic.
[06:51.34]That is now the third sign that I should not leave Emma.
[06:54.28]- What are the other two? - Well, the first one is, I don't want to. -
[06:57.48]And second one, I'm not going.
[07:01.18]I know this is the first time we're leaving the baby.
[07:03.89]I know how hard it is for you. But..
[07:06.09]But everything's gonna be fine. I mean, my mom is gonna be with her.
[07:09.39]- She's great with kids. - She is? -
[07:11.73]Yeah.
[07:14.16]What about Monica?
[07:15.80]You only hear Monica's side of that. Okay, that little fatso was a terror!
[07:22.70]- I just don't think I can do it. - Know what? You can and you should. -
[07:27.48]Really, it will be good for you.
[07:29.61]In fact, you know what?
[07:31.25]Go ahead to the restaurant, and I will wait for my mom..
[07:34.08]and then I'll meet you there. No, no, really, you should go. Go out.
[07:37.95]Really, the world is your oyster. Kick up your heels. Paint the town red!
[07:45.33]- You need to learn some new slang. - I'm serious. Come on, you should go. -
[07:49.93]Here. No, just go.
[07:52.93]- Well.. - No, no! You know what?
[07:55.07]You're not getting back in there! The baby's fine. Now, scram!
[08:00.24]Yeah, hit the bricks!
[08:03.74]Tell your story walking!
[08:07.52]I was just going to say that I left my keys.
[08:13.82]Holy moley, are we in a pickle now!
[08:20.63]Where is everyone? They're 40 minutes late.
[08:24.20]- I know. - I'm starving. -
[08:26.33]I knew we were coming here tonight. I ate nothing all day.
[08:29.24]What about me? I only had one lunch today.
[08:33.14]So, are we expecting the rest of our party shortly?
[08:36.24]Yes, they are expected presently. Yeah.
[08:38.75]Their arrival is in the offing.
[08:42.78]Right. We have a table for two available.
[08:44.99]- Perhaps you'd.. - No, they're coming. -
[08:46.82]We're waiting right here.
[08:49.26]Joseph!
[08:52.83]One needn't worry. They shan't be long.
[08:56.30]It's just that we do have some large parties waiting.
[08:59.93]Oh, one really does have a stick up one's ass, doesn't one?
[09:06.44]Why would you start smoking again? It's so bad for you.
[09:09.91]It's only been two days. That's not enough time to..
[09:15.78]That's totally unrelated.
[09:18.72]How can you smoke in this day and age? Have you not seen that ad?
[09:22.09]Where the little kid walks through Grandpa? It's chilling!
[09:26.03]I messed up. It was a meeting. Everybody was smoking.
[09:29.06]So what? Don't you have any willpower?
[09:31.40]Willpower? I've watched home movies of you eating Ding Dongs..
[09:34.47]without taking the tinfoil off! …
[09:38.57]You said that was sexy!
[09:42.81]Okay, look, can we just drop this? I'm not gonna smoke again.
[09:46.58]That's right, because I forbid you to smoke again.
[09:49.32]You forbid me?
[09:51.55]I've flown a long way to see my loving wife.
[09:53.96]Is she here, by the way?
[09:56.09]Chandler, don't joke with me. Okay? I'm very, very upset right now.
[10:02.26]- Is this the most upset you could be? - I think so. -
[10:05.47]Well, then I might as well..
[10:07.77]do this.
[10:19.91]Not really sure what to do now.
[10:23.95]I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
[10:26.62]We're already late for Phoebe's birthday dinner.
[10:29.36]So you're going to put out that cigarette..
[10:31.53]we're gonna put this fight on hold, and go have sex.
[10:34.50]Fine. What?
[10:37.53]What, do you have cigarettes in your ears?
[10:40.87]Sex! This is the last day I'm ovulating. If we don't do it..
[10:43.87]we're gonna have to wait until next month!
[10:46.71]You're serious?
[10:48.88]- Oh, yeah! - All right, fine, I'll do it, but no talking!
[10:52.61]- And no cuddling. - And no kissing your neck. -
[10:55.75]Oh, good! I hate it when you do that!
[11:00.96]And lots of kissing your neck!
[11:05.09]Okay, well, the super's not home.
[11:06.96]But my mother's gonna be here, and she has the key.
[11:09.73]I can't wait that long. You have to do something. Knock that door down!
[11:13.17]I would, but I bruise like a peach.
[11:17.77]Besides, you know, everything's gonna be fine. The baby's sleeping.
[11:21.91]- What if she jumps out of the bassinet? - Can't hold her head up, but jumped. -
[11:27.18]Oh, my God! I left the water running!
[11:29.28]You did not leave the water running. Please, pull yourself together, okay?
[11:33.39]- Well, did I leave the stove on? - You haven't cooked since 1996. -
[11:38.16]Is the window open? If the window's open a bird could fly in and..
[11:41.80]My God, you know what? I think you're right.
[11:44.00]- Listen. - What? What?
[11:45.47]A pigeon. No. No, wait, no. An eagle flew in!
[11:51.04]Landed on the stove and caught fire!
[11:56.18]The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid.
[12:02.28]The eagle, however, misconstrues this as an act of aggression..
[12:05.42]and grabs the baby in its talon.
[12:07.29]Meanwhile, the faucet fills the apartment with water.
[12:10.69]Baby and bird, still ablaze, are locked in a death grip..
[12:14.36]swirling around the whirlpool that fills the apartment!
[12:20.74]Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that's true.
[12:27.71]- Hello. - Hi.
[12:29.64]It's been an hour.
[12:31.71]The maitre d' asked if you'd reconsider switching to a smaller table.
[12:36.02]Maybe we should just eat now.
[12:37.69]You can't order until the entire party's arrived. Restaurant policy.
[12:41.52]Well, how about this? Another table leaves, right..
[12:44.59]but there's still some food left on their plates.
[12:47.83]Okay, what's the restaurant's policy about people eating that?
[12:51.50]- It's frowned upon. - But it happens. -
[12:57.94]- All right, I got to go to the bathroom. - You can't go. -
[13:00.64]No, no, no. I can't hold this table on my own.
[13:03.01]If they ask me to move, I'll cave.
[13:05.25]Well, if you ask me to stay, I'll pee.
[13:13.35]Good evening, miss.
[13:16.72]Miss?
[13:20.76]Miss? Miss?
[13:23.30]Okay, fine, I'll move. All right. You don't have to manhandle me.
[13:28.90]- Where? - Okay.
[13:32.91]Thank you. Wow.
[13:36.34]Will you stop staring at us now?
[13:38.41]That depends. Will your friend stop drinking olive oil directly from the bottle?
[13:43.45]Probably not.
[13:52.13]Finally. You guys made it.
[14:01.97]Phoebe, who the hell..?
[14:14.82]What is taking you so long, Come on, let's get it over with!
[14:18.79]In a minute, sweet cakes.
[14:21.39]Spend more time with the tie! That will make a baby.
[14:25.63]Look, I can't do this. I can't make love to you while we're fighting this way.
[14:30.13]Oh, sure. Now you're Mr. Sensitivity.
[14:32.60]But when you wanted to have sex after my uncle's funeral..
[14:35.47]That was a celebration of life!
[14:39.07]All right, I'm not gonna do this.
[14:41.08]Is this the way you want our baby to be conceived?
[14:44.98]No, you're right.
[14:47.95]We shouldn't do it like this.
[14:53.09]For what it's worth, I'm sorry.
[14:55.96]I shouldn't have come down on you so hard about the smoking.
[14:59.56]So you had a few cigarettes. It's not the end of the world.
[15:03.63]- Really? - Yeah.
[15:06.63]You are incredible.
[15:08.90]And listen, I'm not gonna smoke again.
[15:11.61]And if I do, I promise I will hide it so much better from you.
[15:26.65]- Want to? - Let's celebrate life!
[15:28.29]Okay!
[15:31.99]Oh, God.
[15:34.30]Oh, thank God you're okay.
[15:36.40]I'm sorry we left. Mommy will never leave you again.
[15:39.03]Never, ever, ever again.
[15:42.44]Great. So let's get going.
[15:45.64]I mean it. After what just happened, I'm never leaving her again.
[15:49.14]I understand. Separation is hard.
[15:52.08]One time I was about to leave Ross to go to the beauty parlor.
[15:56.25]And he got so upset he took off all his clothes..
[15:59.15]tucked his willy between his legs..
[16:02.59]and cried out, "Mommy, I'm a girl. Take me with you."
[16:15.07]Somehow, over time, it got easier to be apart from you.
[16:24.48]You are welcome.
[16:28.65]- You know what? Let's not talk. - What? -
[16:32.09]- I am still so mad at you for smoking! - But you said you forgave me. -
[16:35.69]It was just a couple of cigarettes, no big deal.
[16:40.63]I was ovulating and you said you wouldn't have sex if we were fighting.
[16:46.07]- You tricked me to get me into bed? - That's right. I got mine. -
[16:54.27]I feel so used.
[16:58.45]Well, I guess they're not coming. You want to just order?
[17:02.58]Thank you.
[17:07.96]Waiter? All right, this is gonna go fast, so try to keep up.
[17:11.53]Risotto with shaved truffles and the rib steak..
[17:13.96]with the golden chanterelles and the Bordelaise sauce..
[17:16.83]unless any of that stuff I just said means "snails."
[17:20.33]It does not.
[17:22.40]Tomato tart, and which of the pastas would you recommend?
[17:26.04]- Oh, well they're both exquisite.. - Both it is. Thank you. -
[17:29.01]Now, let's go, baby. It's food time. Bring it, bitch.
[17:37.15]- Sorry about that. - It's quite all right. -
[17:40.72]Oh, can I make a special request?
[17:42.92]Can you bring everything as it's ready?
[17:44.96]- Appetizers, entrees, we don't care. - Hey!
[17:49.56]- I'll wait to put your order in. - What did I ever do to you? -
[17:52.60]Nothing, bitch.
[17:58.97]You guys are over an hour late.
[18:01.04]- What happened to you two? - So sorry. -
[18:03.38]- We got locked out of the apartment. - That's a great story. Can I eat it? -
[18:07.82]And then Rachel wasn't sure she could leave the baby.
[18:10.88]It wasn't easy, but it's your birthday and I did what I had to do.
[18:14.62]And that's Judy over there at the bar with Emma?
[18:20.86]This is for the best. I'm not distracted, worrying about Emma..
[18:24.06]how she's doing at home, and I'm gonna be completely here with you.
[18:27.90]- Oh, she spit up. She spit up. - What?
[18:29.87]Judy? She spit.. Judy, look alive, Judy!
[18:35.91]- Thank you. - Thanks.
[18:40.38]Oh, everything looks delicious.
[18:43.42]What should I have? What should I have?
[18:47.39]Never hit a woman. Never hit a woman.
[18:51.79]I know what you mean, this menu's incredible.
[18:54.03]Ross bruises like a peach. He bruises like a peach.
[18:58.07]Okay, I'll have the fig salad and the duck.
[19:00.53]I'll have the soup and the salmon.
[19:02.54]Remember, whatever comes up first, okay?
[19:04.67]- Hurry.. - Happy birthday!
[19:06.24]Son of a bitch!
[19:08.71]- Where have you been? - Well, we had a little fight. -
[19:11.98]I would never lie to get someone into bed.
[19:14.15]You used to tell girls you were a Kennedy.
[19:19.85]Thanks.
[19:23.26]Thanks. Wow.
[19:26.19]A little tight, isn't it? Why didn't you get a bigger table?
[19:31.40]You had a big table but they made you move.
[19:34.64]Shut up, Monica.
[19:38.31]Oh, well, I suppose that Chandler will have the smoked duck.
[19:43.61]And I suppose that Monica will have the manipulative shrew.
[19:49.58]How did I miss that?
[19:52.82]- I'll give you another minute. - What, where you going? -
[19:55.52]He said she wanted the shrew!
[19:59.33]Rach, come on, Emma's fine.
[20:01.33]You're turning into an obsessive mother, okay? You need to stop.
[20:06.10]You ever hear the story about when Ross' mom went to the beauty salon?
[20:12.17]- You mean the willy story? - They already know it. -
[20:20.85]We've been waiting for you for a long time.
[20:23.15]- You should order. - That's okay. -
[20:24.82]- I told the waiter what they want. - Why would you do that? -
[20:27.92]Chandler, control your woman.
[20:31.06]Okay, well.. Everybody has ordered.
[20:33.79]I would like to start the celebration and make a toast to Phoebe.
[20:40.63]- She dropped her sock. - What? -
[20:44.64]No. No, Emma dropped her sock. -
[20:46.94]- How do you know that? - She's over there. -
[20:48.61]- Mom's with her. - Mom's here? -
[20:51.38]I wanted to have lunch with her today. She told me she was out of town.
[20:55.78]She still has not noticed that the baby's sock is on the ground.
[20:59.02]It's a good toast.
[21:01.52]Look, will you please get her attention?
[21:04.99]Mommy?
[21:11.60]Mother.
[21:21.28]Oh, for God's sake, Judy, pick up the sock!
[21:23.54]Pick up the sock! Pick up the sock!
[21:31.05]I'm sorry, was that rude?
[21:34.35]Did my little outburst..
[21:37.36]blunt the hideousness that is this evening?
[21:41.76]Look, I know you have a lot going on..
[21:43.80]but all I wanted to do was have dinner with my friends on my birthday.
[21:49.87]And you are all so late, and you didn't even have the courtesy to call.
[21:56.48]Well, it's too late now.
[22:00.15]Phoebe, I don't think that's us.
[22:03.32]Oh, well, this is.. This is not over! Hello?
[22:09.32]I feel terrible. We should've been strong and left Emma at home.
[22:13.69]"We"?
[22:15.20]There are some adult willy stories they don't know.
[22:18.17]We should've been stronger.
[22:21.07]- What is going on with you two? - Well, you see, I'm ovulating. -
[22:25.04]Oh, yeah, that's what she says.
[22:29.01]Maybe you're not ovulating. Maybe it's a clever ruse to get me into bed.
[22:34.15]Yeah, Smokey, that's what it was. I just can't get enough.
[22:38.99]You're not gonna believe this.
[22:40.85]She tricked me into having sex with her.
[22:46.69]So? You got to have sex, right?
[22:50.36]What's the matter with me? Why am I such a girl?
[22:55.17]- Okay. That was Mike. - Oh, Phoebe, honey, we are so sorry. -
[22:58.67]You are totally right. We are here 100 percent..
[23:02.04]and we love you, and we are ready to start your birthday celebration.
[23:05.61]You guys, that means the world to me.
[23:11.92]Okay, I'm gonna take off.
[23:15.39]What?
[23:16.86]I love you guys too, but, Mike got off work early.
[23:19.39]Wait.
[23:22.36]I'm not the.. I'm not the kind of girl that just ditches her friends..
[23:26.10]to be with her boyfriend.
[23:28.57]You know what? I am.
[23:30.77]Bye, guys. Judy! Bye.
[23:35.64]If Phoebe's gone, can we take Emma home?
[23:37.61]That's a good idea. Our babysitter just pounded another chardonnay.
[23:41.88]- Bye, you guys. - Bye
[23:43.28]See you. Well, I guess it's just us.
[23:50.72]So, I'm probably still ovulating. Do you want to give it another try?
[23:56.03]All right.
[23:57.83]So, you've never had sex with a Kennedy, have you?
[24:02.47]Actually, Richard was a Kennedy on his mother's side.
[24:05.91]Why did you break up with that guy?
[24:08.94]- You're gonna go do it? - We don't have much time. -
[24:11.34]Once the egg descends into the fallopian tube..
[24:13.68]Oh, wait, oh, get out of here!
[24:19.85]I sincerely hope the rest of your party is returning.
[24:23.42]No, just me. All alone.
[24:30.26]Dinner for six for one.
[24:33.77]Well, you boys are about to see something really special.
[24:50.32]- How was everything? - Excellent. -
[24:52.02]The shrew, in particular, was exquisite.
[24:56.59]I hope you've got some room left.
[25:06.80]Joey. Joey.
[25:13.11]This is the best birthday ever!