Hey,hon?Would you help me get the plates down? Yeah.Hey,here’s an idea. Why don’t we use our wedding china today? No, I just think we should save our china for something really special. Like if the queen of England comes over. Honey,she keeps canceling on us.Take the hint. What if something get broken?They’re so expensive. What is the point of having them if we never use them? Okay.But if something get broken and then the queen comes over. I will explain it to her. Like I’d let you talk to the queen. Wow,the parade is really good this year. Man,those horses can crap. Next up is a marching band from Muskoqee,Oklahoma. Muskoqee?That’s like four hours from Tulsa! And here’s the float with the stars of the popular daytime soap..Days of Our Lives. Oh,my God!! Aren’t you one of the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of our Lives? Yeah. I forgot! I’m supposed to be there! I can’t believe I forgot! I usually write stuff like this down on my arm! Stupid long sleeves! What are you gonna do? I’ll come up with a good reason why I wasn’t there. The producer are gonna be mad. They sat us down and said:“Everyone has to be there,6 a.m. sharp.That means you,Tribbiani.” Like I was some kind of idiot. Well,you proved them wrong. Oh,Emma This is your first Thanksgiving.What are you thank for?Mommy’s boobies? A lot of people are thankful for those. Hello? Rachel? Who is it? It’s your favorite sister. Jill?- Amy!- Hide my rings. Amy! Happy Thanksgaving. Do you have a hair straightener? Hair straightener. I haven’t seen you in like a year I know. I know. I’ve just been crazed. Well,me too. I had a baby I decorated Dad’s office. Yeah? Well,unless you pushed a desk out of your vagina, not the same thing. Listen, about that hair straightener,honey I really need. I’m gonna have dinner at my boyfriend’s house. Oh my God. Is this Emmett? It’s Emma. It’s a girl? Hey Amy. Amy,you remember Ross? Not really. But you are much cuter than that geeky guy she used to date. That was me.No, he was this creepy guy from high school who had this huge crush on her since, like, the ninth grade. Still me No, I’m not talking about you. It was your fat friend’s brother with that bad Afro. Okay Amy. I’m gonna save you time, okay? All me! Careful.Careful.Careful I’ll tell you what, for the rest of our lives.I’ll be careful until told otherwise. This isn’t the china we picked out. I know. After you left the store, I chose different ones. Why? - No offense, honey. but your taste is a little feminine for me. Suddenly flowers are feminine? Hey,everybody! Happy Thanksgiving! Happy Thanksgiving.Phoebe! What’s going on.Joe? Listen. I need a good lie. How about the whole “man walking on the moon”thing, you know?“ You can see the strings people! No,no,no. I need a good lie to explain why I wasn’t at a work thing today. Honey you stink at lying. I do not. Really? Let me ask you something. Yesterday at the coffeehouse..I went to the bathroom and when I came back, my muffin was gone.Who took it? Somebody opened the door to the coffeehouse..and a raccoon ran in And went straight for your muffin. I said:“Hey don’t eat that!That’s Phoebe’s!” And he said: He said,”Joey, you stink at lying.” What am I gonna do? Don’t worry.We’ll come up with a lie. I’ll help you practice. Great.That’d be great.Thank you Sure. What was the work thing? “Pick up Grandma at the airport.” -Oh ,man! She‘s precious. Do you ever worry that she’s gonna get your real nose? Amy.. Yes I do. I really do. Hello? Yeah, hang on, one sec. Can I take this upstairs? Sure. We don’t live there, but.. Seriously? It’s just these rooms? I thought you were a doctor. Yean no. Ross has a Ph.D. God.. She is unbelievable I know. I mean, a PhD is just as good as an MD Sure. Ross,yeah! If I have a heart attack at a restaurant,I want you there with your fossil brush. Stupid Thanksgiving.-What? What ?What happened? My boyfriend canceled on me. I mean, I finally find a real relationship, someone that I can spend this day with, and then his wife comes back into town! I swear,it’s almost not even worth dating married guys. Don’t say that. God, I was so looking forward to this. It was gonna be such a beautiful Thanksgiving. We were gonna have sushi. Amy..don’t cry Ross,can I talk to you in private? Sure, you wanna go upstairs, or? Look. I was thinking. If it’s okay with Monica.. I would like to invite Amy to Thanksgiving. You know, I think that’s a great idea. It‘ll be like the Pilgrims bringing the Indians syphilis. Look. I know she’s a little tough to take. But she has nowhere to go and she’s my sister. She’s Emma’s aunt. And I would like them to bond. Ok,fine. I don’t want them bonding too much. I don't want her telling Emma she needs a nose job. Ross you know what she may need one.We’re just gonna have to make our peace with that! Hey you guys. This is my sister Amy. This is Chandler.Joey.Phoebe. and you know Mon. Oh my god. You‘re on Days of Our lives! Yeah Wow! They must put a lot of makeup on you! Happy Thanksgiving! So welcome. Is this the first time you’re seeing Emma? Yeah.. I think so It’s nice to meet you.Emma Phoebe.-That’s a funny noise. Phoebe? I still need some help here. Right okay. So it’s not just the lie you tell but it’s the way you tell it. For example If you look at the ground when you’re talking, people know you’re lying. I don’t know why this is so hard for me , lying is basically just acting and I am a terrific actor You’re a terrific actor Hey. Where’s the baby? We just put her down for a nap. Listen I was just thinking, you know what would be incredible? If you guys died.. Thank you Amy. No,no then I would get the baby It would be just like a movie. At first I wouldn’t know what to do with her and then I would rise to the occasion I’d get a makeover and get married That’s a great movie! Now listen.Not that you guys could stop me or anything Because you know you’d be dead. But I was thinking about changing her name I’m just not really a big fan of Emily. Emma Emma? Ross wants you. Pheobe! Why does she keep making that noise? Honey I don’t know how to tell you this .. But if something were to happen to Ross or myself you would’t get the baby Well who would? Well we haven’t officially asked them yet But we would want Monica and Chandler I can’t believe you’d want us to raise Emma Oh my God. I’m so moved. I don't believe this.Hold on a second. You guys die and I don’t get your baby? Amy see..we’re a lot closer to Monica and Chandler We see them every day. And truthfully you don’t seem connected to the baby Connected? To what? She’s a lump. You know guys I’ve gotta say this means so much to me I mean that you would trust me ..with your child I mean we all know that Monica and I have been trying to have a baby of our own You know. I’ve had my doubts about my skills as a father. But..that you two ..that you two.. This guy? Seriously? Okay. It’s time for dinner Everyone we’re using our fancy china and it’s very expensive. So please be careful Okay, just to be clear comedy with the plates will not be well-received. Hey..How come my plates less fancy than everyone else’s? Do you not trust me with a fancy plate? No honey..That’s a special plate See..it’s a game.Whoever gets that plate wins. I can’t believe I won! You know this is such a slap in the face . I mean I’m your sister and you would give you baby to these strangers over me Monica is Ross’ sister No Ross’ sister was really fat. That was me No she was this dorky girl in school who followed Rachel around like a puppy Amy you’ve got to stop doing that! Okay.listen I know you’re having a bit of a family crisis but you don’t have to take it out on the plates. I mean in fact I think that everyone should cut the food like this.. See it , this way you protect plates and let’s face it you have fun Okay how about this? If you guys die ..and the crazy plate lady dies Then do I get the baby? No if crazy plate lady.. If Monica dies then I would get Emma.Right? Well,actually. Actually what? It’s just that in that case then Emma would go to my parents What ? - Hurts, doesn’t it? Who has to die for me to get her? So if Moinca’s not around I’m not good enough to raise Emma? No that is not what we’re saying Yeah..he’s lying.He looked down What’s wrong with me? Am I incompetent? Because I managed to survive whatever it is that killed the three of you You’re taking this the wrong way. We think you are going to be a wonderful parent It’s jus， you're more the you know ..fun parent Yeah and we wanna make sure that Emma also has someone like Monica who’s more of a disciplinarian.Someone who can be firm and strict That’s not how you see me ,is it? No you’re all about the fun I may not know a lot about babies but do you really think I’m not capable No. You both are equally capable It’s just you’re strongest when you’re together. Okay, So if we both had Emma and I died，she ‘d have to give her up Sure,Monica would have to give he up I lie better than that right? Let me just get this straight. So my two friends die I get Emma ,then my wife dies.Then Emma the one tiny ray of hope left in my life.. gets taken away from me? There’s your movie. Hey, there you are You disappeared after dinner Did somebody miss me? Was there a child to raise poorly? Ross and Rachel don’t know what they’re saying. It’s not like they’re so responsible.Emma is a product of a bottle of merlot and a five-year-old condom No they’re right. I’m not a strong father figure, and I never will be. No you learn these things. You grow into it. Yeah,but it’s not who I am Everything they said is exactly why I was worried about having a kid. It’s true. And look everybody knows it I don’t know it I wanna have a kid with you because I think you’ll be an amazing dad. At the fun parts and at the hard parts Well can you picture me saying “Go to your room you’re grounded”? Can you hear me say”You’re grounded”? You said that to me last week How hard is it?“No shoes on the furniture!” The producer from Davs left a message asking why I wasn’t at the parade They said everybody’s really pissed off at me. And they all got to meet Santa! It’s okay. I thought of the perfect lie for you. It’s easy to remember and it doesn’t invite a lot of questions. You weren’t at the parade because you had family emergency I like that! Yeah I wasn’t at the parade because I had a family emergency. What happened? My sister’s raccoon came.. No nothing with a raccoon! Wait..what are you doing? - setting the table We thought it might be nice to use the fancy china for dessert, too How nice. Maybe later we can all go blow our noses on my wedding dress. Hey dude you okay? Sorry about before That’s okay.You’re totally right I don't know anything about disciplining a child. But it did hurt my feelings. And I want you to know that if I died ..you don’t get joey In case you hadn’t noticed I’m not talking to you You know.. this is just.. This is classic Rachel Oh yeah right.Remember in high school when I died and didn’t give you my baby? This might be my one chance to have a child Rachel I mean you know that I have been so busy focusing on my career What career? - I’m a decorator You decorate Dad’s office and now you’re a decorator? okay I went to the zoo yesterday.Now I’m a koala bear. Why can’t you ever be supportive? You wanna talk supportive? You didn’t come and visit me when I was in hospital having the baby! You didn’t come see me in the hospital when I was getting my lips done! I did the first time You know what？ You wanna know why I am not giving Emily to you? Emma - Whose side are you on?! I’m not giving you Emma because you can’t handle the responsibility of a child. Well how hard could it be? You do it You wanna know why you don’t want me to have the baby? Because you don’t want me to be happy You have always been jealous of me Jealous of what? Of you lack of responsibility?Your immaturity? your total disregard for other people’s feelings? To name a few You know. You’ve always been like this.You had to have everything. and I couldn’t have anything. Like in junior high, when you stole Timmy from me. I mean do you even realize how much that hurt me? Timmy was my boyfriend and you made out with hime! Come on that was 20 years ago Get over it I cannot believe that I invited you here today! Yeah well you know what I cannot believe That my so-called sister Gets a 30 percent discount from Ralph Lauren. and I still have to pay retail? It’s 45. You bitch You just think you’re so perfect with your new baby and your small apartment Well let me tell you something. Your baby isn’t even that cute Too far Amy.Too far Take it back. -No what are you gonna do ?Make me? Hey man I work out! So do I I do Pilates I do yoga. Bring it on! Put the plates in the boxes! Put the plates in the boxes! Did you just push me? - Yeah I think I did All right that’s it. Forget the bubble wrap!There isn’t time! Oh my god.Shouldn’t we stop this? Are you out of your mind? Let’s throw some jell-O on them! All right that is it! This our apartment and you cannot behave this way! If you can’t act your age you shouldn’t be here at all Those plates may not be as nice as the pretty pink ones that I picked out. but they’re very important to Monica. And I want you to apologize to her, now I'm sorry.-Mon,I’m so sorry Okay That’s better Now I want you to apologize to each other and mean it Sorry. Sorry By the way that fight was totally arousing Dude.Well done. If I die and Rachel dies and Monica dies.you can totally take care of Emma. Yeah,well thanks. So..so now do I get Joey? Okay .but you should know he eats a lot and shoves pennies up his nose. Are you okay?mon? I mean these things happen. I means it’s just a plate.It’s not somebody died It’s all right. You can mourn Thank you. It was so beautiful I’m gonna go to Joey’s and get the pies. Actually not pies.It’s just a pie I don’t care Oh my god. I’ve lost the will to scold Look Amy.. We got a little.. a little out of control over there And I’m sorry. You are my sister and if it really means that much to you So you’re gonna give me the baby? No I was.. I was gonna let you use my Ralph Lauren discount You are not gonna regret this She needs changing. No no no .I’ll get her I am super confident ,totally responsible and fourth in line to raise Emma I’ll be right there,Emma Just let me get my trusty diaper bag here. Well.what do you know?I guess I’ll be the one who dies first Does Monica know about you breaking her plates yet? Nope Broke them all, huh? -Yep You gonna tell her?-Nope Hey .So I’m gonna put the plates back I think you’re right.We shouldn’t use these plates for a long time Like only if the queen comes? Maybe not even then. Hey I did it I told my producer I had a family emergency.He totally bought it Thanks for teaching me how to lie Phebs No problem.Next week,stealing Bye plates You told her you broke all the plates? What？Something happened with the plates? Yeah..this raccoon came in..