[00:00.50]It was problematic at best to perceive existence
[00:04.28]with a myopic lens I embedded into myself
[00:08.36]The lack of gestures limited the effectiveness of my delivery
[00:12.75]and all she begged for was deliverance
[00:15.38]Soft, eloquent passages that provided closure.
[00:19.34]Not answers, just closure
[00:22.63]And I somehow fashioned together an array of broken glass
[00:26.73]And that looked enough like a vase that it would pass
[00:29.53]She would accept it
[00:31.22]and have a way to keep her roses watered and alive again,
[00:38.26]when I was broken Prized among the lacklustre thieves
[00:42.16]immune to pain but pain by immunity
[00:44.69]She beckoned me and she lessened me because no other love
[00:48.35]could accommodate my blind fold so easily
[00:52.10]And I was afraid of change, but I was afraid of not changing
[00:59.33]And I was afraid of change, but I was afraid of not changing
[01:08.37]Then a quick flood of blood infecting my brain,
[01:11.82]dashboard you, dashboard blank slate
[01:16.36]My narrow lens no longer mattered,
[01:18.89]no longer weighed in and neither did your fear,
[01:23.04]or your insecurities, or your smile
[01:27.18]
[01:29.46]That moment in three seconds fate circumvented a concrete divider,
[01:35.32]followed by seven seconds of nervous prayer,
[01:38.91]nervous cursing, nervous something
[01:42.36]presented in my lies, those god for saken lies limited it even more
[01:46.15]presented on my God forsaken lies limited it even more
[01:53.73]Seven seconds of promising myself, promising myself that if I survived I would stop bargaining
[02:01.15]I would stop pushing off effort in exchange for more time,
[02:03.98]I would stop neglecting civil spiritual and personal duties or promises,
[02:09.25]one of the other, they  both seemed likely at that point
[02:13.23]Two seconds, the longest two seconds
[02:15.49]I've ever experienced of lying to myself,
[02:19.14]lying to my God and lying to you
[02:23.79]The words "I promise" seem so trite and so inaccurate
[02:28.48]
[02:29.18]Sirens ended the charade and began an investigation
[02:32.36]seated on the cold end of a wooden table.
[02:34.90]I shouted, "This is who I was, but not who I am!"
[02:40.41]I assured them, mistakes were to be made
[02:43.04]but lessons were to be learned.
[02:44.66]I always thought that is what life was;
[02:47.65]just a collection of moments intended for lessons.
[02:52.80]Or a collection of lessons looking for moments to fulfill them.
[03:00.58]So foolish, a passenger caught up in this accident.
[03:05.97]Nothing mattered beyond the fact
[03:09.25]that I was broken and hurting and damaged physically.
[03:16.42]And I praise God that I was a survivor
[03:21.76]and that's when I heard the fate of the driver.
[03:26.92]Three seconds later, closure, not answers.
[03:32.02]Just closure.
[03:33.85]Lost in the wreckage as a soul ascended, I loved you
[03:37.89]Lost in the wreckage as a soul ascended, I love you
[03:42.65]And every day I wish we could trade places