In Scranton, Pennsylvania
Where's there's not that much to do
One night a girl stole heroin
And stuck it up her who who
Who who puts heroin in that space?
Who wants drugs in their private place?
If you've read the headlines you know it's true
The chick with the remarkable vagina
That's who
Let me tell the entire tale
Of how this gal wound up in jail
When the police asked what she had done
She pulled it all out one by one
54 bags of heroin
31 bags for more
A handful of prescription pills
I'm already feeling sore
51 dollars and 22 cents
In one small crevice in her uterus
It's crazy but it's true that she fit all of that up in her who
If I had a remarkable vagina
I'd never lose my keys
I'd always have some extra space for emergencies
Open up my front door
Cause there's always room for more
If you've got some things to store
Well that's what friends are for
I'd put your phone in it
Cash in it
Comb in it
Pens in it
Book in it
And your Chapstick too
Ring in it
Brush in it
Checks in it
Wine in it
Fork in it
All of it just like new
Where's my key?
Where's my cat?
Now I know where everything's at
It's crazy ain't it strange?
That something so small could fit all those things
Now who puts heroin in that space?
Who want drugs in their private place?
If you've read the headlines you know it's true
A chick with the remarkable vagina
That's who
The chick with the remarkable vagina
Who knew? 
I wish my vagina was remarkable too