[00:00.14]HYACINTH
[00:00.56]If I’m ever to show my face in society again,
[00:02.85]I’ve got to find a new cause of my own and quickly. Come, come, any ideas?
[00:07.55]
[00:07.80]ENTOURAGE
[00:08.21]Daisy Greville has the old. Lady Sit well has the blind
[00:11.07]
[00:11.30]HYACINTH
[00:11.47]And the fund for sailor’s widows?
[00:13.08]
[00:13.27]ENTOURAGE
[00:13.46]That’s the two of them combined
[00:15.20]
[00:15.46]HYACINTH
[00:15.92]Nightschool for the nervous?
[00:17.25]
[00:17.47]ENTOURAGE
[00:17.64]Lady Beach and Margaret Guest
[00:19.12]
[00:19.32]HYACINTH
[00:19.53]Crutches for the crippled?
[00:21.02]
[00:21.21]ENTOURAGE
[00:21.39]That was Elsie Ponds’ bequest
[00:25.74]
[00:25.93]HYACINTH
[00:26.14]Wayward women
[00:27.36]
[00:27.55]ENTOURAGE
[00:27.73]Daisy Greville
[00:29.19]
[00:29.39]HYACINTH
[00:29.55]Who’s behind disfigured men?
[00:31.77]
[00:31.99]ENTOURAGE
[00:32.17]Daisy Greville
[00:34.30]
[00:34.50]HYACINTH
[00:34.68]And the deaf… don’t tell me it’s Greville yet again.
[00:39.44]Everyone’s got something can’t you see why I’m bereft.
[00:44.65]I want to do some good but what the devil’s left?
[00:48.96]
[00:49.33]ENTOURAGE
[00:49.76]What the devil’s left?
[00:52.28]
[00:53.15]MONTY NAVARRO
[00:54.60]If I may your Ladyship, one hears about such terrible poverty in Egypt these days…
[01:01.84]
[01:02.09]HYACINTH
[01:02.31]Egypt. Land of the pharaohs and of Moses the Israelite.
[01:09.40]Home to the great pyramids and the sphinx.
[01:12.58]
[01:12.84]That’s it! We’ll populate an orphanage in Cairo,
[01:19.83]with foundlings from the reeds along the Nile.
[01:23.74]To watch a creature grow, to swaddle it and know
[01:27.42]the joy of its pathetic little smile
[01:30.15]
[01:30.40]ENTOURAGE
[01:30.60]It’s little smile
[01:31.66]
[01:31.85]HYACINTH
[01:32.03]The news will travel soon enough to London
[01:34.06]
[01:34.24]ENTOURAGE
[01:34.41]To London
[01:34.99]
[01:35.17]HYACINTH
[01:35.34]Our selflessness will meet with great acclaim
[01:38.12]
[01:38.27]ENTOURAGE
[01:38.43]Huzzah
[01:38.98]
[01:39.02]HYACINTH
[01:39.19]The sniping will be stilled, and the empire will be filled,
[01:42.81]with homes for bastard children in my name.
[01:46.27]All aboard the Luxor express to Cairo.
[01:49.82]
[01:50.35]MONTY NAVARRO
[01:50.63]And off she went,
[01:52.07]what I failed to tell her was that a violent uprising against the empire was imminent
[01:58.10]and no british citizen was considered safe,
[02:01.87]so you can imagine my surprise when
[02:03.90]Lady Hyacinth returned to London quite unharmed.
[02:07.78]
[02:08.07]HYACINTH
[02:08.75]Oh where will my largesse be truly appreciated,
[02:11.79]I need a place so low that hope itself has been abandoned
[02:15.57]
[02:15.78]MONTY NAVARRO
[02:15.97]You’ve heard of course of the untouchables in India.
[02:20.04]
[02:20.42]HYACINTH
[02:20.77]India. Land of Hindus and Muslims,
[02:25.91]of tamarind and saffron. Exotic and unknowable.
[02:30.87]
[02:32.17]That’s it! We’ll find ourselves some lepers in the Punjab.
[02:38.33]The hopeless and the wretched and the cursed.
[02:42.44]Forgotten and Unblessed
[02:43.78]
[02:44.01]ENTOURAGE
[02:44.16]Unblessed
[02:44.48]
[02:44.65]HYACINTH
[02:44.82]I’ll take them to my breast
[02:45.76]
[02:45.92]ENTOURAGE
[02:46.08]Your Breast
[02:46.37]
[02:46.54]HYACINTH
[02:46.71]If Daisy Greville doesn’t get there first.
[02:50.05]When we arrive, they’ll hobble out to greet us
[02:53.07]
[02:53.27]ENTOURAGE
[02:53.43]Hello there
[02:53.81]
[02:54.09]HYACINTH
[02:54.27]Their toothless grins would melt a heart of stone
[02:56.49]
[02:56.66]ENTOURAGE
[02:56.85]Awww
[02:57.68]
[02:57.84]HYACINTH
[02:58.01]And every dilettante, will envy me and want a colony of lepers of her own,
[03:05.28]now not a word to even your mothers til we leave although,
[03:12.70]come to think of it what is the point of helping others unless you let the whole world know,
[03:20.07]call the Times of London.
[03:22.21]
[03:22.59]MONTY NAVARRO
[03:23.48]And off she went,
[03:25.14]I neglected to mention the malaria pandemic in the Punjab
[03:29.44]a bit of insurance in case leprosy itself failed to prove contagious,
[03:34.19]so you can imagine my shock when Lady Hyacinth returned to London in record time quite the picture of health.
[03:42.52]I don’t suppose you’d be willing to penetrate the jungle of deepest darkest Africa…
[03:48.59]
[03:48.80]HYACINTH
[03:49.73]Africa. From Zululand to Yoruba,
[03:54.25]home of proud warriors that naked torsos rippling in the firelight.
[04:00.42]We’ll civilize a village in the jungle
[04:03.58]
[04:03.79]ENTOURAGE
[04:03.96]The Jungle
[04:04.59]
[04:04.77]HYACINTH
[04:04.94]It can’t take long to learn their mother tongue
[04:06.98]
[04:07.15]ENTOURAGE
[04:07.32]Not long then
[04:08.21]
[04:08.39]HYACINTH
[04:08.55]The words they have are six and five of them are clicks
[04:11.80]
[04:12.00]HYACINTH
[04:12.36]And all of them are different words for dong.
[04:16.29]And can’t you see their frightful painted faces
[04:18.93]
[04:19.10]ENTOURAGE
[04:19.28]Their faces
[04:19.81]
[04:19.78]HYACINTH
[04:19.99]They’ll teach us how to swing from vine to vine
[04:22.26]
[04:22.44]ENTOURAGE
[04:22.60]From vine to vine to vine
[04:23.52]
[04:23.69]HYACINTH
[04:23.85]It’s Daisy Greville’s loss, she’ll never come across,
[04:27.32]a tribe of backward natives worse than mine.
[04:31.01]
[04:31.20]Their may appall us. But even they are part of God’s design
[04:39.24]
[04:39.44]ENTOURAGE
[04:39.67]Awww
[04:41.07]
[04:41.29]HYACINTH
[04:41.47]We bid you all goodbye
[04:42.80]
[04:42.98]ENTOURAGE
[04:43.13]Goodbye
[04:43.36]
[04:43.53]HYACINTH
[04:43.71]Let all of London try, to find a tribe of natives worse than mine.
[04:51.23]Charity towards others is divine.
[04:58.74]
[04:59.00]ENTOURAGE
[04:59.28]Divine, Divine, Divine, Divine, Charity is Divine.
[05:02.16]