NORMA:Hurry up, the birthday boy is on his way
 This is a surprise celebration
 I hope you've remembered everything I've said
 I want to see a total transformation
 JOE: What's all this?
 NORMA:Happy birthday, darling. Did you think we'd forgotten?
 JOE: Well, I ... I don't know.
 NORMA: These people are from the best men's shop in town.
 I had them close it down for the day.
 JOE: Norma, now listen!
 NORMA: I'll leave you boys to it.
 MANFRED: Happy birthday, welcome to your shopathon!
 JOE: What's going on?
 MANFRED: Help yourself, it's all been taken care of
 Anyone who's anyone is dressed by me
 JOE: Well, golly gee
 MANFRED: Pick out anything you'd like a pair of
 You just point, I'll do the rest
 I've brought nothing but the best
 You're a very lucky writer
 Come along now, get undressed
 Unless I'm much mistaken
 That's a 42-inch chest
 JOE: I don't understand a word you're saying
 MANFRED: Well, all you need to know's the lady's paying
 It's nice to get your just reward this time of year
 JOE: Get outta here!
 MANFRED:And all my merchandise is strictly kosher
 When you've thrown away all your old worn-out stuff
 JOE:Hey, that's enough
 MANFRED: Perhaps you'd like to model for my brochure
 I have just the thing for you
 Chalk-stripe suits
 SALESMAN 1: In black
 SALESMAN 2: Or blue
 SALESMAN 3: Glen plaid trousers
 SALESMAN 4: Cashmere sweaters
 SALESMAN 5: Bathing shorts for Malibu
 SALESMAN 6: Here's a patent leather lace-up
 SALESMAN 7: It's a virtuoso shoe
 MANFRED: And a simply marvelous coat made of vicuna
 JOE: You know what you can do with your vicuna
 NORMA: Come on Joe, you haven't even started yet
 JOE: You wanna bet?
 NORMA: I thought by now he'd look the height of fashion
 He always takes forever making up his mind
 Don't be unkind
 I thought you writers knew about compassion
 I love flannel on a man
 MANFRED: This will complement his tan
 NORMA: We'll take two of these and four of those
 MANFRED: I'm still your greatest fan!
 Very soon now we'll have stopped him
 Looking like an also-ran
 JOE: You're going to make me sorry that I'm staying
 NORMA: Well, all right, I'll choose, after all, I'm paying!
 MANFRED: Evening clothes?
 NORMA: I want to see your most deluxe
 JOE: Won't wear a tux
 NORMA: Of course not, dear, tuxedos are for waiters
 MANFRED:What we need are tails, a white tie and top hat
 J OE:I can't wear that
 NORMA:Joe, second-rate clothes are for second-raters
 JOE:Norma, please...
 NORMA: Shut up, I'm rich
 Now some platinum blonde bitch
 I own so many apartments
 I've forgotten which is which
 JOE: I don't have to go to premieres
 I'm never on display
 You seem to forget that I'm a writer
 Who cares what you wear when you're a writer?
 NORMA: I care, Joe, and please don't be so mean to me.
 JOE: OK, all right.
 NORMA: You can't come to my New Year's Eve party in that filling-station shirt.
 JOE: I've been invited somewhere else on New Year's Eve.
 NORMA: Where?
 JOE: Artie Green. He's an old friend of mine.
 NORMA: I can't do without you, Joe, I need you.
 I've sent out every single invitation
 JOE: All right, Norma, I give in
 NORMA:Of course you do
 And when they've dressed you
 You'll cause a sensation
 SALESMEN: We equip the chosen few of Movieland
 MANFRED: (The latest cut)
 SALESMEN: We dress every movie star and crooner
 From their shiny toecaps to their hatband
 MANFRED: (Conceal your gut)
 You won't regret selecting the vicuna
 SALESMEN: If you need a hand to shake
 If there's a girl you want to make
 If there's a soul you're out to capture
 Or a heart you want to break
 If you want the world to love you
 MANFRED: You'll have to learn to take
 SALESMEN: And gracefully accept the role you're playing
 MANFRED: You will earn every cent the lady's paying
 SALESMEN: So why not have it all?
 MANFRED: Now that didn't hurt, did it?
 SALESMEN: The lady's paying!