He wants the Hepplewhite suite chairs back in the parlor
Move the GI Joe, it can’t be on the floor
He wants the Dresden figurines back in the breakfront
A slinky messes up the period decor
Get the lemon pledge and dust the —
These should face the same direction
He wants it vacummed
The surface gleaming
He wants it closer to the door
He wants, he wants, he wants
He wants the brass candelabra set at an angle
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The crayons and the glue should go back to the drawer
He wants the bust of Quixote square on the mantel
Sweep that lint away, it’s what a broom is for
Gently wipe the eucalyptas
Polish up the crystal prisms
When he comes down there He wants it ready
We’ve got to get it done before…
He wants, he wants, he wants…
Where’s my bronzing stick!
It’s in the —
Welcome to our house on Maple Avenue
See how we polish and we shine
We rearrange and realign
Everything is balanced and serene
Like chaos never happens if it’s never seen
Every need we anticipate and fill
And still…
He wants the real feather duster used on the bookcase
Find every book we read and carefully restore
He wants them alphabetized by classification
A volume out of place could start a third world war
That’s an inch out of position
Watch it it’s a first edition
What are we missing, what have we left out?
When he comes down here what’s in store?
He wants, he wants, he wants…
Welcome to our house on Maple Avenue
See how we polish and we shine
We rearrange and realign
Everything is balanced and serene
Like chaos never happens if it’s never seen
We’re a typical family quintile
And yet…
Not too bad if I say so myself
I might still break a heart or two
Sometimes the fire burns too hot
I don’t know what I’ll do
Not too bad if I say so myself
Not too bad…
Mrs. Bochner, ’tis pleasure to meet you! Come on in
Obviously still a work in progress
Oh yes yes, I’ve done all the work myself
That’s how we’re able to afford the place
Oh no historic restoration is an avocation for me that’s very flattering
I teach English at Beach Creek High
And the Bechdel Funeral Home is our family business so
This I found yesterday at the dump
I’m also a funeral director
You have a keen eye!
(What is he after?)
(What are we doin’?)
Absolutely I believe Rococo Revival
(Right foot is tapping)
(That means he’s stewing)
Actually would you like one with the family?
(Stay very still and maybe we’ll please him)
(Make one wrong move and demons will seize him)
Kids! Mrs. Bachner wants to take a photo
Hello! Anybody home?
(Try hard what else is family for?)
I’ll be there in a minute!
He wants, he wants, he wants…
He wants more
Caption.
My dad and I both grew up in the small Pennsylvania town
And he was gay, and I was gay
And he killed himself
And I —
Became a lesbian cartoonist.