Greetings
My name's yours
What's Alaska
Everybody welcome to the show
The rules of engagement are really quite simple
So if you can pull yourself away from grindr for two seconds
Listen up
The use of flash photography is strictly mandatory
Do you think I look like this just so I can exist in your feeble memory
Take a picture and I'll last forever
Get your drinks now people
The more you drink the prettier we look
Is this your boyfriend honey
Not anymore
Tipping is compulsory
If you don't know what compulsory means
I'll spell it out for you "Tip These Men"
It takes a lot of money to look this cheap darling
Be kind to your entertainers
If you see a flaw squint
If you see a bulge don't be mad
Some of the most beautiful women in the world have gigantic penises
If you see something you don't like
Something unseemly or offensive
Something vile or disgusting
We'll be happy to take your complaints after the show
At the corner of f**k you and go f**k yourself avenuecom I'll see you there
Bring a sweater
If you think you can do better sweetheart I implore you
Put on a wig and mash your mouth around to other people's music for four and a half minutes
It's not as easy as it looks
Do you need a hairpiece
Here you can borrow mine
Show generosity to these monstrosities
Respect kindness compassion
And most of all whenever possible
Tell us we look gorgeous
Tell us we look gorgeous
Tell me I look gorgeous
Do I look gorgeous
Yeah
Okay but how about sexy
Yeah
Okay alright but how about sensual
Yeah
Alright but how about breathtaking geez
Yeah
I swear it's like pulling teeth to get a little tiny compliment out of you people
Now let's review everybody
Your makeup is terrible
If you're not wearing nails you're not doing drag
Don't ever touch my hair
Anus
I love your pussy
Give me all your money
Absolutely
Come on nature come on come on buildup okay
Hieeee
Hieeee
Hieeee
Everybody everywhere
Everybody everywhere
Hieeee
Hieeee
Hieeee
Hieeee
Hieeee
Hieeee