Mr. Universe, can you help me please? I'm only seven stone two When I'm on the beach, the girls stay out of reach They all want someone like you. You've got to help me, now please Mr. Universe Don't tell me that I'm just a hopeless case Don't let me down now, please Mr. Universe I'm sick of getting sand thrown in my face. Mr. Universe, you know it's getting worse I need your seven-day plan I'm thinner every day, before I waste away I need a muscle-bound man. You've got to help me, now please Mr. Universe Don't tell me that I'm just a hopeless case Don't let me down now, please Mr. Universe I'm sick of getting sand thrown in my face. You've got to help me, now please Mr. Universe Don't tell me that I'm just a hopeless case Don't let me down now, please Mr. Universe I'm sick of getting sand thrown in my face. Acoustic Guitar: Gerry Rafferty Electric Guitar: Alan Parker Keyboards: Tom Parker Bass: Gary Taylor Drums: Henry Spinetti Lead Vocals: Gerry Rafferty Backing Vocals: Gerry Rafferty / Joe Egan Mystery Voices: Rab Noakes / Hugh Murphy