Thomas And so i started writing. Anything and everything got put on paper. A one-sentence preface... Alvin From a book i gave you. Thomas ... Nudged me into a "neat career" as... (he tears the page from the book.) This isn't about me. Alvin Isn't it? (thomas writes.) Thomas We are gathered to honor the life of alvin kelby. Write what you know tom. Write what you know. (alvin selects another story and reads.) Alvin A stupid squashable bug. A story about alvin and thomas. Thomas One afternoon, when i was fourteen, I borrowed one of the magazines my father kept hidden in his nightstand. I found alvin at the bridge by the falls staring intently at a butterfly. (alvin steps into the past.) Alvin Tom. Watch this. They say that every time this butterfly flaps It causes a tiny ripple in the air that can spread out and grow and change wind currents and Weather patterns. They call it the butterfly effect. One flap could cause a blizzard in africa. Thomas To any other fourteen-year-old, alvin was a freak. Alvin I prefer the term "individual". Watch. (thomas joins alvin. They watch the butterfly for a very long time. Nothing happens.) Thomas This is ridiculous. Al, we’re starting high school in the fall And you don’t seem prepared for that at all. When everything is different And the kids are mostly new. You’ll see high school can be hard On ‘individuals’ like you. Alvin Whoa. It's flapping. Thomas It’s a bug. A stupid, squashable bug. Thomas Look at this magazine, alvin. See what regular guys are obsessed with. You’re chasing insects While you could be learning What miss april tattooed her giant breast with. (thomas shows alvin the cover of the magazine.) Alvin Get that out of my face. Thomas Being eccentric was fine When it was just junior high. If you want to fit in at high school, al, Be normal. Just try. (thomas opens the magazine.) Miss april... Likes action movies, stock car racing, and soup. You like soup. Alvin She looks uncomfortable. Crap. Where’d the butterfly go? Thomas You’re gonna need to be different alvin. You gotta draw less attention. It’s better to just be like one of the crowd Than a dweeb who dropped in From the fifth dimension. (alvin sees the butterfly.) Alvin There you are. Thomas Wouldn’t you like to be more Than just ‘that weird kelby kid’? You could fly under the radar, al Be normal. Alvin Shhhhh! Thomas No more playing with bugs, alvin. No more wearing your dead mother’s robe. There are bullies and thugs, alvin. Every one a potential alvin-o-phobe. (the butterfly flaps.) Alvin Whoa! Thomas The tiniest transgression, Like to stick out or rebel, Will destroy their first impression And turn high school into hell. Al! Alvin Sh! Thomas I threw miss april at the butterfly. (thomas does so. The butterfly flies away.) Alvin No! It’s flapping. It’s flapping. It’s flapping a lot. Oh my god. There’s no telling what chain of events you just set into motion. Thomas Nothing's gonna happen! Alvin Don’t move. If a stupid, squashable bug can have that kind of power, what about us? Thomas Alvin moved his finger. Alvin What do you think that did? Thomas And then his hand. Alvin Or that? Thomas And then his whole arm. Alvin Or that? Thomas Until he was flapping around like some crazed pterodactyl. Alvin Woo hoo! Look at me tom. I’m changing the weather. I’m redirecting the jet stream. I’m melting the polar ice caps. Thomas Nothing is changing! You look like an idiot! Nobody said it was easy, alvin Nobody said it was pretty. And hearing this stuff from a friend may be hard, But not knowing at all would be twice as shitty. You’ll get through high school unnoticed Then you’ll thank me, you’ll see. So don’t be the guy who bucks every trend Alvin Give me that magazine. (alvin picks up the magazine and examines it closely.) Thomas Who i have to justify and defend. Alvin I didn’t see that before. Thomas If you want to keep being my best friend Be normal... (alvin plucks something from the cover.) Alvin A caterpillar. Thomas ... Like... (thomas selects a story and alvin falls to the ground writhing in pain.) Alvin Tom! Thomas Bullies and thugs. Alvin Tom! Thomas A story about alvin kelby. Alvin Tom! Thomas For our tenth grade halloween party, Alvin came to school dressed as his mother’s ghost again. Bathrobe and all. Alvin Tom! Thomas What was cute at six was just weird at fifteen. Alvin Tom! Thomas Donnie carter chased alvin all the way to the bridge and, by the time i got there, Had him pinned to the ground and was pummeling him mercilessly. Alvin Tom! Thomas Get off him! Alvin Tom! Thomas I said get off him now! (thomas helps alvin to his feet.) Alvin He’s got my robe, tom. Thomas Give him the robe, donnie. Alvin Please give it back. Thomas Give it back now. Alvin No. Don’t do that. No no no. Please. Please. Don’t! Thomas Donnie threw the robe over the side of the bridge and ran away. We watched it disappear over the falls. But seriously al, what were you thinking?