作词 : Jeffrey Lewis
 作曲 : Jeffrey Lewis
I don’t want to leave my home to do a tour with crummy pay
But if they make an offer to you whatcha really gonna say?
It’s hard to play an empty room, it’s hard to book a tour
So you pray some bigger band might say that you can come support
It might be a hassle, it’s a tragedy, a parody
But how you gonna haggle when you know it’s only charity?
Support tours, it’s iffy, $250 at the best, but they know a thousand others who would do the tour for less
Support tours, you gotta understand the situation, a band needs having patience for the vast humiliation
So you hit the open road and ate a lot of crazy gravel
With good songs and decent merch I always found a way to travel
But you found that booking tours can be more trouble than it’s worth
Who'd see your unknown band when there’s ten million on the Earth?
So the bassists scan the web for any tours that get announced on it
And if no support’s confirmed that’s when you take a leap and pounce on it
Support tours, drummers who are nice can turn cold-hearted
So you can’t return them home owning less money than they started
Support tours, the bassist has to grit those teeth and face it
Pay to stay in hotel? No way! It’s work, not a vacation
And after many sleazy years you nearly have your own career
And you can book a little tour and you can pick where you appear
Now you pick the tour supports so of course like chicken pox
Every band you ever met all pop up quick in you inbox
And they wanna know if there’s support acts that are yet confirmed
So you make them awful offers cause I guess it’s just your turn
Support tours, I’m in it for the money, is that funny?
I’m a working class musician with no funding in my country
Support tours, I’m thinking out my best when I get desparate
Find a way to make it pay cause it’s my job not an investment
Support tours, the sweet and sour secret of the trade
You learn to squeeze in every way to turn the lemons lemonade
Support tours, I gotta find a way to make it work
Till I just cut so many corners I get dizzy from the circle
I don’t want to leave my home to do a tour with crummy pay
But if they make an offer to you whatcha really gonna say?
"Hey Jeffrey, nice to hear from you
Yeah we have availed April 11 to May 15
The tour starts in Omaha, you’ll be the first act out of three
The budget is $50 to $150 a night, but I’ll see if I can up that a little in the major markets for you
But we can’t have you on the bill in Portland, San Francisco, or Seattle, cause we were just down there last month
Let us know what you say, we’re announcing tomorrow"
Oh, terrible offer, let me think about it...Yes!