[00:00.10]CHOIRGIRL:
[00:04.29]Bless this day,
[00:08.53]Pinnacle of life,
[00:11.65]Husband joined to wife.
[00:14.51]The heart leaps up to behold
[00:22.97]This golden day.
[00:32.66]PAUL:
[00:36.82]Today is for Amy,
[00:41.49]Amy, I give you the rest of my life,
[00:46.05]To cherish and to keep you, to honor you forever.
[00:53.54]Today is for Amy,
[00:56.85]My happily soon-to-be wife.
[01:05.92]AMY:
[01:07.03]Pardon me is everybody here?
[01:07.81]Because if everybody's here,
[01:08.95]I want to thank you all for coming to the wedding,
[01:09.77]I'd appreciate your going even more,
[01:10.70]I mean you must have lots of better things to do,
[01:11.92]and not a word of this to Paul,
[01:12.74]remember Paul, you know, the man I'm gonna marry,
[01:13.93]but I'm not, because I wouldn't ruin
[01:14.77]anyone as wonderful as he is--
[01:15.71]Thank you all
[01:16.38]For the gifts and the flowers,
[01:17.42]Thank you all,
[01:17.98]Now it's back to the showers,
[01:18.83]Don't tell Paul,
[01:19.38]But I'm not getting married today.
[01:22.26]CHOIRGIRL:
[01:23.41]Bless this day,
[01:27.76]Tragedy of life,
[01:30.96]Husband joined to wife.
[01:34.06]The heart sinks down and feels dead
[01:42.88]This dreadful day.
[02:00.74]AMY:
[02:02.43]Listen, everybody, look, I don't know what you're waiting for a wedding,
[02:04.14]what's a wedding, it's a prehistoric ritual where everybody promises fidelity forever,
[02:06.90]which is maybe the most horrifying word I ever heard of,
[02:08.27]which is followed by a honeymoon,
[02:08.89]where suddenly he'll realize he's saddled with a nut, and wanna kill me,
[02:10.84]which he should--
[02:11.26]Thanks a bunch,
[02:11.82]But I'm not getting married--
[02:12.46]Go have lunch,
[02:13.14]'Cause I'm not getting married--
[02:13.90]You've been grand,
[02:14.65]But I'm not getting married--
[02:15.41]Don't just stand there,
[02:16.13]I'm not getting married--
[02:16.88]And don't tell Paul,
[02:17.59]But I'm not getting married today.
[02:19.87]Go, can't you go?
[02:21.13]Why is no-
[02:21.92]Body listening?
[02:22.81]Goodbye,
[02:23.43]Go and cry
[02:24.21]At another person's wake.
[02:25.75]If you're quick,
[02:26.54]For a kick,
[02:27.29]You could pick
[02:28.15]Up a christening,
[02:28.95]But please,
[02:29.70]On my knees,
[02:30.38]There's a human life at stake!
[02:32.28]Listen everybody, I'm afraid you didn't hear, or do you want to
[02:34.22]see a crazy lady fall apart in front of you, it isn't only Paul
[02:35.38]who may be ruining his life, you know we'll both of us be losing
[02:36.84]our identities, I telephoned my analyst about it and he said to
[02:38.96]see him Monday, but by Monday I'll be floating in the Hudson with
[02:40.83]the other garbage--
[02:41.37]I'm not well,
[02:41.76]So I'm not getting married--
[02:42.36]You've been swell,
[02:43.12]But I'm not getting married--
[02:43.90]Clear the hall,
[02:44.68]'Cause I'm not getting married--
[02:45.42]Thank you all,
[02:46.16]But I'm not getting married--
[02:47.01]And don't tell Paul,
[02:47.67]But I'm not getting married today.
[02:50.81]CHOIRGIRL:
[02:51.86]Bless this bride,
[02:55.97]Totally insane,
[02:59.14]Slipping down the drain.
[03:02.36]And bless this day in our hearts
[03:11.08]As it starts
[03:14.96]To rain.
[03:21.24]PAUL:Today is for
[03:22.86]AMY:
[03:23.70]Go, can't you go? Amy,
[03:24.63]Look, you know Amy,
[03:25.39]I adore you all, I give you
[03:26.20]But why The rest of
[03:27.13]Watch me die My life,
[03:27.79]Like Eliza on the ice? To cherish
[03:29.23]Look, perhaps And to keep you,
[03:30.06]I'll collapse To honor you
[03:30.89]In the apse Forever,
[03:31.75]Right before you all, Today is for Amy,
[03:32.69]So take My happily
[03:33.70]Back the cake, Soon-to-be
[03:34.35]Burn the shoes and boil the rice. Wife,
[03:35.97]Look, I didn't wanna have to My adorable
[03:36.84]tell you, but I may be coming Wife.
[03:37.64]down with Hepatitis, and I
[03:38.16]think I'm gonna faint, so if
[03:38.86]you wanna see me faint, I'll
[03:39.53]do it happily, but wouldn't
[03:40.30]it be funnier to go and watch
[03:41.04]a funeral, so thank you for the
[03:41.87]twenty-seven dinner plates,
[03:42.81]thirty-seven butter knives,
[03:43.44]forty-seven paperweights,
[03:44.16]fifty-seven candleholders--
[03:45.04]PAUL: One more thing--
[03:45.54]AMY: I am not getting married!(CHOIR: Amen!)
[03:46.45]PAUL: Softly said--
[03:47.19]AMY: But I'm not getting married!(CHOIR: Amen!)
[03:47.97]PAUL: With this ring--
[03:48.79]AMY: Still I'm not getting married!(CHOIR: Amen!)
[03:49.48]PAUL: I thee wed.
[03:50.22]AMY: See, I'm not getting married!(CHOIR: Amen!)
[03:50.88]PAUL: AMY:
[03:51.03]Let us pray Let us pray
[03:52.04]That we are getting married That I'm not getting married
[03:52.59]Today! Today!(CHOIR: Amen!)
[03:52.67]