I was kidnapped once
I was standing in front of my schoolyard
And a black sedan pulls up
And two guys get out
And they say to me
Do I wanna go away with them to a land
Where everybody is fairies and elves
And I can have all the comic books I want and chocolate and wax lips
You know
And I said yes
Y'know
And I got into the car with them
'Cause I figured
Y'know
What the hell
I was home that week-end from college anyhow
Y'know
They drive me off
And they sent a ransom note to my parents
And my father has bad reading habits
So he gets into bed at night with the ransom note
And he read half of it
Y'know
And he got drowsy and fell asleep
Then he lent it out
Y'know
Meanwhile they take me to New Jersey
Bound and gagged
And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped
They snap into action immediately：they rent out my room
The ransom note says for my father
To leave a thousand dollars in a hollow tree in New Jersey
He has no trouble raising the thousand dollars
But he gets a hernia carrying the hollow tree
The FBI surround the house
Throw the kid out
They say
Give us your guns
And come out with your hands up
The kidnappers say We'll throw the kid out
But let us keep our guns
And get to our car
The FBI says Throw the kid out
We'll let you get to your car
But give us your guns
The kidnappers say We'll throw the kid out
But let us keep our guns -we don't have to get to our car
The FBI says Keep the kid
The FBI decides to lob in teargas
But they don't have teargas
So several of the agents put on the death scene from Camellia
Tearstricken my abducters give themselves up
They are sentenced to fifteen years on a chaingang
And they escape
Twelve of then chained together at the ankle
Getting by the guards posing as an immense charm bracelet