作曲 : Drive-By Truckers, Hood
(NEWS FLASH!!!) [scene: the press corps have descended upon the White House, a spokesperson begins to speak:] "They looked in the White House and Capitol Hill They looked everywhere for Buffalo Bill We called every scholar, reporter, and genius Has anyone seen the President's *****?" "It ain't in the Congress or Judiciary It ain't in the Smithsonian or that big ole library an astronomer claims it was sighted on Venus Has anyone seen the President's *****?" [now the entire press corp. erupts in song:] "THE PRESIDENT'S ***** IS MISSING OLE'!!! WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW, EVERY NIGHT EVERYDAY LORD, WON'T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT'S *****?" [at this point, legendary news man Walter Cronkite returns from the moon to add his commentary:] "Now Presidents have goofed up in all kinds of ways in the 80's we elected one missing his brain George Wa******ngton caught a cold he couldn't explain and we all know the truth about Thomas Jefferson's name"? [suddenly William Randolph Hurst rises from the grave and bellows out in an Orson Welles type voice:] "Franklin D. Roosevelt wasn't no ****** with that raging Woodrow in his wheelchair and all the le*****ians snickered that Elenor didn't care and John Kennedy's ***** was seen everywhere"? [once again everyone breaks out in gleeful song:] "THE PRESIDENT'S ***** IS MISSING OLE'!!! WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW EVERY NIGHT EVERY DAY LORD WON'T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT'S *****?" [the scene ******fts to Sen. John Glenn, wandering pensively, somewhere in space:] "Them outer space people would laugh if they'd seen us all this talk about cum-stains and oral coitus meanwhile the whole world suffers from hunger and meanness but we're more concerned with the President's *****"?