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If you receive an e-mail with a subject of "Badtimes", delete it immediately |
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WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous e-mail virus yet. |
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It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any |
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disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your |
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refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts. It will |
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demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on |
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your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to render any CDs you try to play |
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unreadable. |
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It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix |
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antifreeze into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer and leave its |
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socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It will put |
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a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit and hide your car keys |
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when you are late for work. |
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Badtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you |
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nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tank and |
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shave off both your eyebrows while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind |
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your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Visa card. |
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It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is |
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the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things |
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we hold most dear. |
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It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It will |
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kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's voice mail |
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in your voice! |
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It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is |
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also a rather interesting shade of mauve. |
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Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up. |
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It will make a batch of methamphetamine in your bathtub and then leave bacon |
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cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase high school kids with your |
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new snowblower. These are just a few of the signs. Be very, very careful! |
