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Princeton: |
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Say, Kate, can I ask you a question? |
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Kate Monster: |
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Sure! |
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Princeton: |
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Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs? |
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Kate Monster: |
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Uh huh. |
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Princeton: |
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Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster. |
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Kate Monster: |
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Right. |
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Princeton: |
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You're both Monsters. |
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Kate Monster: |
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Yeah. |
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Princeton: |
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Are you two related? |
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Kate Monster: |
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What?! Princeton, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist! |
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Princeton: |
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Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking! |
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Kate Monster: |
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Well, it's a touchy subject. |
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No, not all Monsters are related. |
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What are you trying say, huh? |
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That we all look the same to you? |
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Huh, huh, huh? |
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Princeton: |
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No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry, |
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I guess that was a little racist. |
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Kate Monster: |
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I should say so. You should be much more |
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careful when you're talking about the |
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sensitive subject of race. |
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Princeton: |
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Well, look who's talking! |
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Kate Monster: |
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What do you mean? |
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Princeton: |
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What about that special Monster School you told me about? |
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Kate Monster: |
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What about it? |
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Princeton: |
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Could someone like me go there? |
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Kate Monster: |
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No, we don't want people like you- |
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Princeton: |
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You see?! |
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You're a little bit racist. |
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Kate Monster: |
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Well, you're a little bit too. |
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Princeton: |
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I guess we're both a little bit racist. |
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Kate Monster: |
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Admitting it is not an easy thing to do... |
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Princeton: |
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But I guess it's true. |
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Kate Monster: |
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Between me and you, |
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I think |
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Both: |
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Everyone's a little bit racist |
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Sometimes. |
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Doesn't mean we go |
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Around committing hate crimes. |
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Look around and you will find |
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No one's really color blind. |
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Maybe it's a fact |
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We all should face |
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Everyone makes judgments |
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Based on race. |
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Princeton: |
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Now not big judgments, like who to hire |
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or who to buy a newspaper from - |
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Kate Monster: |
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No! |
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Princeton: |
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No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican |
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busboys should learn to speak goddamn English! |
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Kate Monster: |
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Right! |
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Both: |
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Everyone's a little bit racist |
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Today. |
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So, everyone's a little bit racist |
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Okay! |
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Ethinic jokes might be uncouth, |
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But you laugh because |
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They're based on truth. |
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Don't take them as |
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Personal attacks. |
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Everyone enjoys them - |
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So relax! |
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Princeton: |
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All right, stop me if you've heard this one. |
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Kate Monster: |
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Okay! |
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Princeton: |
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There's a plan going down and there's only |
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one paracute. And there's a rabbi, a priest... |
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Kate Monster: |
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And a black guy! |
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Gary Coleman: |
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Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate? |
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Kate Monster: |
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Uh... |
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Gary Coleman: |
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You were telling a black joke! |
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Princeton: |
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Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes. |
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Gary Coleman: |
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I don't. |
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Princeton: |
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Well, of course you don't - you're black! |
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But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right? |
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Gary Coleman: |
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Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks! |
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Princeton: |
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Now, don't you think that's a little racist? |
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Gary Coleman: |
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Well, damn, I guess you're right. |
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Kate Monster: |
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You're a little bit racist. |
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Gary Coleman: |
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Well, you're a little bit too. |
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Princeton: |
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We're all a little bit racist. |
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Gary Coleman: |
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I think that I would |
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Have to agree with you. |
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Princeton/Kate Monster: |
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We're glad you do. |
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Gary Coleman: |
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It's sad but true! |
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Everyone's a little bit racist - |
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All right! |
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Kate Monster: |
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All right! |
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Princeton: |
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All right! |
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Gary Coleman: |
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All right! |
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Bigotry has never been |
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Exclusively white |
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All: |
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If we all could just admit |
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That we are racist a little bit, |
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Even though we all know |
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That it's wrong, |
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Maybe it would help us |
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Get along. |
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Princeton: |
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Oh, Christ do I feel good. |
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Gary Coleman: |
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Now there was a fine upstanding black man! |
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Princeton: |
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Who? |
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Gary Coleman: |
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Jesus Christ. |
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Kate Monster: |
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But, Gary, Jesus was white. |
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Gary Coleman: |
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No, Jesus was black. |
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Kate Monster: |
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No, Jesus was white. |
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Gary Coleman: |
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No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black- |
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Princeton: |
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Guys, guys...Jesus was Jewish! |
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Brian: |
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Hey guys, what are you laughing about? |
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Gary Coleman: |
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Racism! |
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Brian: |
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Cool. |
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Christmas Eve: |
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BRIAN! Come back here! |
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You take out lecycuraburs! |
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Princeton: |
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What's that mean? |
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Brian: |
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Um, recyclables. |
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Hey, don't laugh at her! |
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How many languages do you speak? |
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Kate Monster: |
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Oh, come off it, Brian! |
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Everyone's a little bit racist. |
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Brian: |
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I'm not! |
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Princeton: |
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Oh no? |
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Brian: |
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Nope! |
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How many Oriental wives |
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Have you got? |
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Christmas Eve: |
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What? Brian! |
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Princeton: |
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Brian, buddy, where you been? |
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The term is Asian-American! |
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Christmas Eve: |
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I know you are no |
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Intending to be |
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But calling me Oriental - |
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Offensive to me! |
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Brian: |
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I'm sorry, honey, I love you. |
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Christmas Eve: |
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And I love you. |
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Brian: |
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But you're racist, too. |
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Christmas Eve: |
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Yes, I know. |
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The Jews have all |
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The money |
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And the whites have all |
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The power. |
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And I'm always in taxi-cab |
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With driver who no shower! |
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Princeton: |
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Me too! |
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Kate Monster: |
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Me too! |
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Gary Coleman: |
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I can't even get a taxi! |
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All: |
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Everyone's a little bit racist |
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It's true. |
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But everyone is just about |
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As racist as you! |
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If we all could just admit |
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That we are racist a little bit, |
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And everyone stopped being |
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So PC |
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Maybe we could live in - |
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Harmony! |
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Christmas Eve: |
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Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist! |
